Should I tell OW Husband?

[Daffodil18]

I’m so conflicted on what to do and it’s weighing heavy on me. I feel like I’m now a part of the affair with the secret and lies.

YABU - I should not break up another family
YANBU - He has a right to know

I know and I do feel terrible. He turned up at my house with ExDH who was threatening suicide and at that moment in time, making sure ExDH was ok for my kids sake was my priority. This was last weekend and everyday since I’ve thought I need to tell him but I wouldn’t wish this trauma on my worst enemy. I feel like it’s lose lose either way so it’s just picking the best option.

Don't worry @DoomsdayPrep@DoomsdayPrep. Mumsnet is extremely conventional with very traditional values. A lot of posters can barely cope with step parents, let alone with people who don't prioritise monogamy above all else. It simply does not compute that some people live and think differently.

@Daffodil18 oh whatever, they all threaten to take their own life, yet more manipulation and if he does do it it's on him completely. He is just trying to gag you and control the consequences.

I'd definitely tell.

Yes, tell them every little thing that you know.

FFS, tell the poor bloke. Your ExDH is acting hideously letting this guy support him when he's fucking his wife. Disgusting. Let the man keep some dignity.

Exactly

I wish someone had told me. The poor husband is being left open to possible sexual diseases. Even if only for his health's sake, he needs to be told so he can get STI checks.

know and I do feel terrible. He turned up at my house with ExDH who was
threatening suicide and at that moment in time, making sure ExDH was ok
for my kids sake was my priority. This was last weekend and everyday
since I’ve thought I need to tell him but I wouldn’t wish this trauma on
my worst enemy. I feel like it’s lose lose either way so it’s just
picking the best option

The ow's husband actually turned up with your husband ?

No this can't be real. If it is your husband has got some kahoona's.
Tell the ow's husband, you clearly arn't aware of what your husband is capable of.

He's a wrong un.

This.

You need to tell him. It’s an awful feeling when you realise that other people knew about the cheating long before you did.

I agree with everything @DoomsdayPrep has said. Having said that your DH is an absolutely vile man to let the OW DH sit with him and comfort him when he has been fucking his wife. The OW has done you a favour enabling you to rid yourself of such a monumental twat

As are you

Call the man
Give sn update on ypur dh
Say that dh told you he was having an affair with xxx. If that is how you know

If you have seen with your own eyes you can say what you seen factually.

If your exh was /was in mh crisis then who know if anything is "real"

He might be violent or abusive. Your marriage is your and your husband's business, her marriage is hers.

Depends on wether you plan on staying with your husband. If you are don't tell if you are throwing him out tell.

Pity OW didn't think to stay out of OP's marriage. However if you read the OP's it says he isnt like that

In this situation the OW's H needs to know.

He's emotionally supporting the man who is fucking his wife; that will destroy him when he finds out and he will hate you for allowing it to happen.

You need to be straight with him.

"X, I can't let you continue to emotionally support my ex-H when it's your wife he had an affair with.
It's not right and I'm so sorry to be the one to break the news to you.
If your wife or my husband had any morals they would have told you, but they clearly don't, so I have to.
If you need someone to lean on during this difficult time I am here for you."

I would tell him.It's cruel of your ex to accept support form him while he is having an affair with the poor man's wife. If he finds out later (and he probably will) then it will be so humiliating and he will feel betrayed by everyone around him.

Wait. So the OW's husband is comforting the man who is sleeping with his wife and doesn't know about it?

Your damn right I'd be telling him. Your soon to be EXH is not this man's friend! And he needs to know that!

Are you saying abuse is restricted only to when affairs are found out, well you should educate yourself, abuse is rife during affairs.

I am looking at this from both sides.

I wonder if some women on here saying ‘don’t tell him’ have in fact been the one that’s cheated before.

I would tell him - I feel like that’s the right thing to do but this is your life.

I'm afraid the trauma has already been done to him, OP. You're just helping them to drag it out. Allowing the poor man to support your ex when he is also a wronged party is the kicker here. It's jaw-droppingly bad behaviour on your ex's part.

Allowing that to carry on is stripping the poor man of his dignity and making him continue to live a lie.

Try to think how you'd feel if it were him who'd found out about the affair and was keeping it from you. Surely you'd want to know?

Asking you keep quiet over something so huge was extremely unreasonable anyway, OP. The way they are acting is just pure cruelty. They don't deserve an ounce of your protection!

No! I am saying not all men are violent.

Your exDH is allowing the man who’s wife he had an affair with emotionally support him😮😮?! That is really bad. Was it a full on physical affair? What has your dh told him about why you’ve broken up - what does the OW’s dh actually think happened?
I think you have to tell him.