The other mum on the ward WWYD

[Lwrenagain]

I've just given birth to my beautiful little DD but she's been quite unwell and I'm only able to hold her during her feeds as she needs the light therapy for jaundice.
I'm naturally devastated, incredibly grateful I'm next to her and can hold her, bit we've not really had much time with cuddles etc yet.
Anyway, because of this, even though I've had a section, I'm well rested.
I really don't do anything but look at my baby. Like now, I could be asleep, but I'm just unable to.

Anyway, there's a mum here who's also had a section and her wee DS is quite unsettled and she sounds for lack of better description, fucking shattered.

I think they're asleep now but the poor woman hasn't had a minute to rest, let alone sleep. Bless her baba, he's a half an hour and wide awake lad!

I don't want to be weird or make her uncomfortable at all, but I'd like her to know if she wants a few hours kip I'd happily mind her wee fella for her, he's bottle fed so she could realistically get a bit of sleep. I feel awful for her and I'd love to help.

Would I seem like a creepy weirdo trying to steal her baby or would it be one of those "it takes a village" things and she'd be happy for the chance of sleep?

I don't want to make her feel awkward or anything, but I'd like her to know if she needs some rest, I'm literally a curtain away.

When I was on the post natal/transitional care ward i shared a bay with another lady we watched each others babies whilst we went for showers/toilet when we were by ourselves as our partners weren’t able to stay. I don’t think there’s anything wrong or strange about offering

No one has said women don’t get support. What they have said is if you’re medically well enough to care for baby you’re expected to. If you’re medically well enough to care for baby you’re discharged. If you aren’t well enough then you aren’t discharged. If there are concerns re ability to care for child that aren’t medical then social services is contacted.

The issue is though, that many times you are not medically well to be discharged or to look after a baby, but there still isn't any support and you're still expected to look after the baby. Not just that, but I also had to wheel DD up for her to get her medication. At least I could actually stand and shuffle by then so it wasn't as much of an issue.

Plenty of people on here have given examples of not being well enough to care safely for a baby but got no support.

It’s your baby!

Women aren’t being discharged when not medically well. Tired isn’t unwell.

Not that I’ve seen.

Can you prove that?

Tired might not be unwell but 48 hrs with no sleep can be unsafe.

Well I've said that after a 24 hr labour, EMCS under GA and with a 10lb baby I couldn't pick her up safely and another mother did it for me. When she was discharged my stitches burst and I had to be restitched and doctor said I must rest more. Midwives weren't interested.

Where was the babies father?

An example of a mother not getting the support she needed to keep her baby safe. No one is safe lifting a baby with no sleep for 5 days and abdominal surgery.

From the sleep foundation Research suggests that hallucinations are likely after 48 hours without sleep. People may begin to have blurry or double vision, which may progress into distortions of reality and hallucinations.

Looking after our toddler. You know as a parent that was his responsibility.

If they were unwell we would see maternal deaths, re admissions etc. is this happening?

I mean when you were discharged and your stitches split.

So if there is no medical reason and all is well, I'm genuinely curious what services they are staying in hospital for.

Most women don't stay in hospital, though? It's only the cases where the baby or the mother needs treatment or observation. Women with no medical reason to stay are discharged. I'm not really sure what you're asking.

Also, having to remain in hospital for a medical reason (for mother or child) doesn't necessarily mean you can't look after your own baby.

All these people saying “the hospital/staff wouldn’t allow it” are on another planet. Literally they would have no idea if the baby was in the same room. Who do you think is monitoring this?

I got shouted at by night staff for taking my baby with me to the toilet (couldn’t let it out of my sight) and shouted again when walking them a bit to try to stop the hysterics. Literally told to just leave the baby in the room with 3 other mothers on a busy ward if I needed the toilet.

Of course you were told off for taking the baby to the toilet! Wth. You just dump it on the floor?! There’s no reason not to leave baby on the ward while you pee.

Blimey calm down! You know it's a maternity ward not Oxford St?!

The 'random stranger' isn't random, they're the mother in the next bed that's she's probably getting to know.

The midwive's won't have a problem with it, doubt they'd even know.

Also, what is the 'risk' that you mention?

Ridiculous.

Why would MWs notice or care who's looking after a baby, as long as the baby isn't crying and is being looked after?

I asked if someone could keep any eye on baby for me to have a shower and was told to ask another mum.

Maternity wards are ridiculously short-staffed. I was told they have the same bed to staff ratio as other wards. Despite the beds also having a baby.

*It’s your baby!

Women aren’t being discharged when not medically well. Tired isn’t unwell.*

You can say it's your baby until you are blue in the face. It doesn't make any difference when the mum is stuck in hospital too unwell to get up safely to tend to that baby. The tiredness makes that inability even worse/riskier when she has to because no fucker will actually help. At least the day nurses let me have DD cosleep the next day and she didn't leave my bed (except for when I took her for meds on the third day) so I could feed her and change her, especially during the night.
Her being my baby didn't mean my catheter magically disappeared. Her being my baby didn't mean that the pain was gone, or that I could stand and bring my legs together.

Basically I was deemed poorly/incapacitated enough to have her in my bed (which doesn't happen often) but not poorly/incapacitated enough to actually need support?

Your mental gymnastics are something else.

It's not really. When I was in hospital with my first a baby was stolen from the ward. I was so glad I had never left her alone for a moment.

going back to 2009 but the hospital had these ankle tags (looked like baby was under home arrest) that set off an alarm if you went to close to the exit doors to stop thefts... problem being they kept falling off as they where far too big and heavy.

I feel pretty safe in saying they would have stopped sweet fuck all but it seemed like they relied on that as the b all and end all measure.