Left 5yo alone in a restaurant for 2 minutes

[Havanawinter]

I was in a chain restaurant with DS today who is 5, 6 in November. After the waitress had taken our order I went to the loo, leaving DS happily colouring at the table. Before I left I told the woman at the table next to us (who had young children) that I was nipping to the loo and could she please keep half an eye on DS.

When I arrived back at the table literally 2 minutes later I was basically chastised by the waitress for leaving. “I didn’t know if you were coming back for him! I was so worried!” Which seems a bit far fetched considering I’d also left my phone, purse, keys and bag of shopping on the table. She huffed at me again and left, but I could see her taking to her colleagues across the room about it. That was the end of the whole thing but it left me feeling a bit weird, it never even occurred to me that I was doing something wrong but now I’m wondering if my behaviour was unreasonable? Honest opinions welcome!

Don't be bloody ridiculous.

LOL, this website is the absolute maddest corner of the internet.

Well, ignoring the rest of your considerable hyperbole, presumably for the length of time it takes to have a quick wee. I somehow doubt the OP took this opportunity for a leisurely shit.

There wasn't a single ounce of hyperbole in my post.

It really annoys me when women take other women's time and attention and labour for granted.

The idea that you can fob off your child on anyone who looks female or motherly - and especially some woman who clearly has her hands full with children of her own - would be held up as an example of a man being a sexist pig if he did it.

If it was a quick pee and it took two minutes, what was the issue with bringing the child with her and asking the waitress to hold the table? After all, the child might have suddenly decided to have a pee himself.

I somehow doubt the OP took this opportunity for a leisurely shit.

But does the other woman, a complete stranger to the OP, have any way of knowing this? Stranger things have happened.

You did absolutely nothing wrong OP.

I disagree. Mums often do favours for each other. Yes, some people can be cfs and exploit this, but it's one of the ways mums cope in a patriarchal world where they're constantly being failed by the system and dumped on by men in terms of unpaid labour. And a significant number of women have longterm continence issues following childbirth (which often the healthcare system shows very little interest in helping them with), so I'd always help if I could in this situation.

You know your own son better than anyone. I actually did the same thing a few months ago in a local cafe with my 5yo. Ordered food, sorted him with colours and a drink and then told him I was going to the bathroom. Before I even got a chance to say it he asked me would I ask the waitress to mind him 😂 he was completely comfortable & assured of his own safety and there was no danger of anyone abducting him etc in my absence as the cafe was quiet at the time.
Would I do it in a different restaurant, different location, busier period or with a less confident child… no. But that’s why it’s up to you to judge the situation for yourself.
That waitress overreacted to you, of course you were coming back having left all your stuff on the table. She likely enjoys drama & I hope her colleagues had a bit of sense and even suggested why didn’t she ask the people at neighbouring tables where you had gone. Don’t worry about this at all.

No I Wouldn't leave my child alone in a restaurant. He's 9 and I still wouldn't do it. You never know who may come in or how long you'll be (if there's a queue for the loo)
Just no. It wouldn't have taken you long to bring him with you

At 9 does your son not go to the toilet alone? If not at what age do you think he will?

@ThisMamaNeedsSleep but you have no idea who anyone in the cafe is ? Or if anyone could come in while you were in the toilet ?

If his dad is with us he'll take him in with him. If it's just him and I, I'll take him into the womens with me.
Maybe when he's 11 and in secondary school I'll feel comfortable letting him go Alone. Also it depends where we are. Obviously if it's open public toilets where there's one cubicle he can go alone while I wait outside.

Unfortunately there's just too many weird men in London for me to feel comfortable with him going alone

You cannot take a 11 year old boy into a women’s toilet, or dressing room (if you intend to do that for swing etc) it’s totally inappropriate!

as is a 9 year old really!

*swimming

Did I say I'd take an 11 year old in with me? I don't think I did! Swimming is mixed and separate cubicles, so that's irrelevant.
I'm talking about taking a 9 Yr old into a public toilet so he doesn't have to go into the mens alone. If you think that's inappropriate, that's a you problem!

It’s really not! Not allowing an 11 year old (you said you may allow them) to
go to a toilet alone is all types of wrong, I would not be taking a 9 year old either, I have no problem, thanks!

It’s deffo a you problem! Which you’ll no doubt pass onto your son.

Okay! 🙄

Totally this!!

I don't know anyone who would take a boy

Over 8 to the ladies toilets. All would go the men's alone

I don't think you did anything unusual! The only consideration I would have would be that I whether or not the child was a clingy one that was going to scream out the moment you were out of sight and cause a scene.

Although having skimmed through some of the comments I can see I'm probably a bit more relaxed than most, we've just been for a weeks camping in Wales and all three of mine (3,5,7yrs) had the run of the site (6 fields worth complete with a small river and a steam railway running through it). They certainly weren't the only ones and it was lovely knowing they were off having fun. I find it so utterly bizarre that some people wouldn't be comfortable to leave a happy child at a restaurant table for a couple of minutes, but ultimately it's their choice and nothing to do with me.

Yes anyone could come in and no I didn’t know the other diners but the waitress easily agreed to keep an eye on him, there were maybe only two or three occupied tables so I was confident she wouldn’t be distracted in the two minutes and crucially I believe my child to be confident and spirited enough to loudly say no to anyone who attempted to coerce/entire him to go with them.
As I said, I would do it in a busy, city shopping centre food court etc and I wouldn’t do it with a child of a different character… but in that location and knowing my own child I deemed it safe and reasonable. And truthfully, in other situations I am a bit OTT on safety. For example, my son recently started playing with some children who live a few doors up from us. We live in a quiet cúl-de-sac but I do not feel it is appropriate for a child his age to play outdoors unattended so whenever these children call for him I go out too and watch from our garden wall while they play. Also I do not allow him to go into the house of those children. They are mostly likely not perverts but I don’t know for sure so outside is safer.

Oops wouldn’t do it in a busy food court!! WOULDN’T!!!

@SleepyRich letting a 3 year old go unsupervised where there's a river isn't relaxed, it's negligent. You're lucky they didn't drown.

And please don't come back and say the 5/7 year old would watch them - that's not fair to put that responsibility on little kids either.

@AvocadotoastORahouse It's not that the 5/7 Yr old have to watch her, they can all swim and are sensible enough to play in the river safely (it was slow and wadable lovely for them to play not some white water grade V rapid. Obviously our family isn't alone in this as the site was full of children doing their own thing.

Just because some people parent differently doesn't mean they're neglegent. I could equally be saying a helicopter parent is neglegent and abusive in that they don't allow their child to develop judgement and independence, stunting their growth..But to do so would be nonsense, people know what their children are comfortable with and will raise them in a manner they believe to be best for them. But making someone feel guilty for not taking a happy child to the loo with them is madness, the parent likely knows their child well and if they think there's a chance that they are going to become distressed then they wouldn't leave them.