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Original poster

Left 5yo alone in a restaurant for 2 minutes

567 replies

Havanawinter · 16/08/2023 20:03

I was in a chain restaurant with DS today who is 5, 6 in November. After the waitress had taken our order I went to the loo, leaving DS happily colouring at the table. Before I left I told the woman at the table next to us (who had young children) that I was nipping to the loo and could she please keep half an eye on DS.

When I arrived back at the table literally 2 minutes later I was basically chastised by the waitress for leaving. “I didn’t know if you were coming back for him! I was so worried!” Which seems a bit far fetched considering I’d also left my phone, purse, keys and bag of shopping on the table. She huffed at me again and left, but I could see her taking to her colleagues across the room about it. That was the end of the whole thing but it left me feeling a bit weird, it never even occurred to me that I was doing something wrong but now I’m wondering if my behaviour was unreasonable? Honest opinions welcome!

OP posts:
dizzydizzydizzy · 16/08/2023 20:20

I work in a leisure centre and we do not allow
Customers to leave young children unattended. But then again we do have a swimming pool and a gym.

bakewellbride · 16/08/2023 20:22

I have a 5 year old and would never, ever do this. Anything could've happened. Incredibly unlikely I know but still, it's just not worth the risk.

A few years ago not far from me someone tried to abduct a child from school during drop off time. I'm sure the mum only had her eyes off him "for 2 minutes" too. Luckily the man was unsuccessful and the boy was fine but it just goes to show these things can and do happen and I live in a nice / friendly area so stuff like this can happen anywhere sadly.

theleafandnotthetree · 16/08/2023 20:22

I absolutely would do this but wouldn't have asked the other customer to keep an eye, purely because I wouldn't have felt the need to and not because its some massive imposition 🙄. (So much for it takes a village). I would have told the waitress to cool her boots, fair enough if you'd been gone 10 minutes plus but if it really was as short a time as you say, that's crazy.

Whattodo112222 · 16/08/2023 20:23

I would've taken my daughter. I don't even like leaving her in the car when I'm paying for petrol so there's no way I would've done this..

Clymene · 16/08/2023 20:24

What you did is fine. Your son is nearly 6, he was perfectly happy, you asked another mum to keep an eye on him while you went to the loo.

The waitress was being absurd.

purplebluediscorain · 16/08/2023 20:24

I’m sorry I’d of taken him with me and made sure the woman next to me knew I was just popping to the toilet to watch the table or I’d of told a waitress that I was still using the table.

Missingmyusername · 16/08/2023 20:24

On the fence.
Was it busy? How far was the loo? How sensible is the child….

I recently took DD who is 7, plus two friends (friends closer to 8) to a restaurant. Not busy, lots of staff, they all wanted the loo. I could see the loo, no one was in there, but they all wanted me to go too. I was thinking I’d let them go alone but decided perhaps it wasn’t worth the risk.

The world we live in….

theleafandnotthetree · 16/08/2023 20:25

Hopelesslyn · 16/08/2023 20:17

I could not do this too many horrible people out there looking for opportunities like this . I wouldn’t judge another parent doing this but me personally couldn’t .I would take my child with me ….saying that I wouldn’t even leave my purse unattended even for 2 mins .

Opportunities like what? To come in to a family cafe in broad daylight and presenting themselves a stranger, persuade the child to leave with them and do so all in the space of 2 minutes??? Theft of a wallet, keys and phone is more of a possibility but still a stretch.

blahblahblah1654 · 16/08/2023 20:27

@theleafandnotthetree children do get abducted in broad daylight. Highly unlikely in this scenario of course but I wouldn't risk it

Thoughtful2355 · 16/08/2023 20:28

No way, i have a 4 and 5 year old and im pretty relaxed about things but i wouldnt have left any of them alone, anything can happen and going to the toilet never takes 2 minutes, it may feel like it but it doesnt. and you cant trust a random person to actually pay attention so that 5 year old would have had enough time to go on a little wander perhaps trying to find you and leave the restaurant or be guided out by someone. you just never know, or what if you had an accident in the toilet or got locked in. then 2 minutes would have been a lot longer wouldnt it.

theleafandnotthetree · 16/08/2023 20:30

blahblahblah1654 · 16/08/2023 20:27

@theleafandnotthetree children do get abducted in broad daylight. Highly unlikely in this scenario of course but I wouldn't risk it

It is thankfully exceptionally rare for children to be abducted by strangers and I reckon there's as much chance of it happening in THIS scenario as a car crashing through the window.

CandyflossKaren · 16/08/2023 20:30

Jesus!!

Some people don't deserve children! They really don't!

meatbaseddessert · 16/08/2023 20:31

So the waitress was 'melodramatic', 'stupid', 'an idiot' and 'overreacted' according to PP

Clearly none of you have been wait staff and hold them beyond contempt.

Ive had this happen to me before when much younger and a waitress and it actually makes your blood run cold. You don't know where the parent is or indeed how long they intend to be gone. It puts the waitress in a compromising position because she knows that if anything happens to that child she and the restaurant will be blamed. She is now responsible for them whether you intended it or not.

She will therefore have to stop her other duties to ensure your child doesn't endanger themselves or get swiped causing her unnecessary stress and impacting in other patrons.

At least you could have told her (when she would have probably said no.. take child with you) or taken the kid with you.

HarrietJet · 16/08/2023 20:32

theleafandnotthetree · 16/08/2023 20:30

It is thankfully exceptionally rare for children to be abducted by strangers and I reckon there's as much chance of it happening in THIS scenario as a car crashing through the window.

Show quote history

Why? It has happened, in ways people would have thought vanishingly unlikely. Unlikely doesn't equal impossible, sadly.

mumda · 16/08/2023 20:33

Child, phone, purse, keys....

Someone could have had a field day. Not everyone is brave enough to stop a thief.

Vivi0 · 16/08/2023 20:33

I actually did this for the first time today (minus asking someone to keep an eye on him, only because I didn’t think it was necessary).

DS is 6 and we were in a restaurant that we visit often. I usually always take him to the loo with me, but he was still eating and I couldn’t wait any longer. He was fine, of course.

I think what you did was perfectly fine. But if I had read this post before today, my answer might have been different.

1037370E · 16/08/2023 20:33

I don't understand why you would leave your purse and phone on the table? As an adult I would worry about them being snatched, let alone if the only person safeguarding them is a 5 year old child.

MumUndone · 16/08/2023 20:35

5 year old too young to be left on their own IMO.

momonpurpose · 16/08/2023 20:35

I would not ask a mom at another table to watch him even with half an eye. At that age sorry I would take them to the bathroom with me

User839516 · 16/08/2023 20:36

I don’t trust people I don’t know (how can you possibly?) so I would have taken my valuables with me (my child being one of them).

continentallentil · 16/08/2023 20:36

meatbaseddessert · 16/08/2023 20:31

So the waitress was 'melodramatic', 'stupid', 'an idiot' and 'overreacted' according to PP

Clearly none of you have been wait staff and hold them beyond contempt.

Ive had this happen to me before when much younger and a waitress and it actually makes your blood run cold. You don't know where the parent is or indeed how long they intend to be gone. It puts the waitress in a compromising position because she knows that if anything happens to that child she and the restaurant will be blamed. She is now responsible for them whether you intended it or not.

She will therefore have to stop her other duties to ensure your child doesn't endanger themselves or get swiped causing her unnecessary stress and impacting in other patrons.

At least you could have told her (when she would have probably said no.. take child with you) or taken the kid with you.

Oh give over.

How in the name of fuck is a waitress going to be blamed if a kid disappears if the parent has left it. She isn’t and neither would the restaurant.

I’ve been a waitress and I am sure plenty on here have too, I didn’t think it was my job to police childcare because it wasn’t.

If she was personally bothered she could have come over and asked the woman if she knew where the mother was.

ItsNotRocketSalad · 16/08/2023 20:37

meatbaseddessert · 16/08/2023 20:31

So the waitress was 'melodramatic', 'stupid', 'an idiot' and 'overreacted' according to PP

Clearly none of you have been wait staff and hold them beyond contempt.

Ive had this happen to me before when much younger and a waitress and it actually makes your blood run cold. You don't know where the parent is or indeed how long they intend to be gone. It puts the waitress in a compromising position because she knows that if anything happens to that child she and the restaurant will be blamed. She is now responsible for them whether you intended it or not.

She will therefore have to stop her other duties to ensure your child doesn't endanger themselves or get swiped causing her unnecessary stress and impacting in other patrons.

At least you could have told her (when she would have probably said no.. take child with you) or taken the kid with you.

What on earth are you talking about? You sound like a similarly overdramatic waitress but most of us are normal. I certainly never had responsibility for any child in the restaurant or stopped what I was doing to anxiously hover over a nearly six-year-old calmly colouring in.

TotalDramarama · 16/08/2023 20:37

I'd just have brought him with me I think. Five is a bit too little to be left on his own imo.

But I also think the waitress was being a bit OTT (and yes I have worked as waiting staff in the past couple of years, so that isn't me being disparaging towards hospitality staff as a pp said)

Clymene · 16/08/2023 20:38

A couple of times I've been asked to watch babies and small children by men while they went to the loo.

I think some of you should never let your husbands loo after your children again as they're too good at risk assessment

Squishmallowy · 16/08/2023 20:39

It’s not something I would do personally, but if you asked someone to watch dc then it’s okay and you should have just told that to the waitress. Provided that person looked normal and maybe had their own kids.

I don’t blame the waitress for judging you though as she didn’t know you’d asked someone to look after your kid and taking risks with your children isn’t great. Just cause someone looks okay doesn’t mean they are!

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