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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Left 5yo alone in a restaurant for 2 minutes

567 replies

Havanawinter · 16/08/2023 20:03

I was in a chain restaurant with DS today who is 5, 6 in November. After the waitress had taken our order I went to the loo, leaving DS happily colouring at the table. Before I left I told the woman at the table next to us (who had young children) that I was nipping to the loo and could she please keep half an eye on DS.

When I arrived back at the table literally 2 minutes later I was basically chastised by the waitress for leaving. “I didn’t know if you were coming back for him! I was so worried!” Which seems a bit far fetched considering I’d also left my phone, purse, keys and bag of shopping on the table. She huffed at me again and left, but I could see her taking to her colleagues across the room about it. That was the end of the whole thing but it left me feeling a bit weird, it never even occurred to me that I was doing something wrong but now I’m wondering if my behaviour was unreasonable? Honest opinions welcome!

OP posts:
LylaLee · 17/08/2023 22:22

I haven't seen anyone mention location.

A café in a sleepy shopping centre, in the suburbs of Little Bumbury, where people don't lock their house doors VS London Euston Food court.

The first is ok. The second isn't.

But I think pp had the best point.

DC wandering off looking for you then getting underfoot of waitresses delivering big trays of food/drinks.

Next time tell the waitress, "I'm just nipping to the loo."

BlastedIce · 17/08/2023 22:32

Misspiggy1012 · 17/08/2023 18:37

Did it occur to anyone else that this child could have been stolen by the person who was asked to watch him. There's been kids stolen and sold by perverts and sold out to other perverts. It's a horrible thought but always my first one. I've always told my kids to stay close because someone might steal you. Think about the kids that have just disappeared and even two Drs couldn't have a meal and come back to find their daughter Safe in her holiday hotel in the Algarve. So food for thought 🤔 be a safe mum and take them with you. Good luck 🍀 with all your future endeavours

As likely as finding rocking horse shit.

Olive19741205 · 17/08/2023 23:28

Nevermay · 17/08/2023 17:20

reasonable? what would you do if he didn't come back? if she choked? if a woman turned up and claimed to be the mother? if a different man turned up and said he was the father? If the child screamed out "stranger! stranger!" when you tried to speak to them? If the original man claimed you were trying to abduct his child? If the child had stolen property with them and was being followed by police? If the child had chicken pox or invisible infectious disease? If the management said the child had to leave the premises? If there was a fire alarm? if the child picked up a knife? If the child wet themselves or soiled themselves? If the child was stealing from other customers? If the child dropped and broke a plate? If the child fell and broke an arm? If the child was sick? If the child started crying? If the child came into contact with an allergen? If the child had an asthma attack? I could go on and on and on,

I think it is totally irresponsible to agree to this, or to ask anyone else to do it

Show quote history

Haha oh that's a corker of a post. " What if the child picked up a knife" is my favourite. Joint second favourite is "what if they shit themselves" and "what if the child was stealing from other customers" 😂

Olive19741205 · 17/08/2023 23:38

Misspiggy1012 · 17/08/2023 18:37

Did it occur to anyone else that this child could have been stolen by the person who was asked to watch him. There's been kids stolen and sold by perverts and sold out to other perverts. It's a horrible thought but always my first one. I've always told my kids to stay close because someone might steal you. Think about the kids that have just disappeared and even two Drs couldn't have a meal and come back to find their daughter Safe in her holiday hotel in the Algarve. So food for thought 🤔 be a safe mum and take them with you. Good luck 🍀 with all your future endeavours

That's an awful thing to put into your children's heads.

Olive19741205 · 17/08/2023 23:59

RojoCarlottaValdez · 17/08/2023 22:13

No, it isn't an overreaction at all. If waiting staff in a restaurant see an infant left alone, they have to do something about it, for very obvious reasons.

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An infant? The child in the OP is nearly 6. An infant is a baby up to 1yo.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 18/08/2023 00:11

For 2 minutes I would have left DS in most restaurants to go to the loo.

I don't for one minute think the waitress really feared the OP wasn't coming back - all her stuff was there and the child was colouring calmly. But some people live for creating drama and fluffing themselves up into a ball of self righteousness, and this was an opportunity to do so. It was probably the most exciting thing that happened to her today, and she will be telling increasingly dramatic versions of it to her family and friends until next week.

QueenBitch666 · 18/08/2023 00:13

You shouldn't be trusting a complete stranger with your child

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/08/2023 00:41

Oh I miss the old days!

I met my best friend when I was desperate for the loo and couldnt get through the door in the shopping centre with the pram because some fucking arse maintenance guy wouldnt move his ladder which he could have done but seemed to love being a PITA. So I saw a woman my age with a baby in a pram and asked her if she would mind watching him for a mo. I figured that she was unlikely to abduct him and looked sympathetic. As it turned out, when I said this to her afterwards, she said that she was more likely to abandon her DD with me as she had been a pain all morning! We were best friends for 25 years!

This was 30..mumble years ago when instead of looking at other parents as a threat, or looking at their kids as a potential problem or thinking "OMG will my child cope?!" , we just helped each other out. Mum needs a wee, ask lady with kids at next table "could you watch him for a sec while I nip to the loo please?" she says yes, and then in half an hour, you do the same for her. Easy.

It never ceases to sadden me how some people seem to actively seek out ways to make their own, and by extension their childs, life far more complicated than they need to be.

AmIEnough · 18/08/2023 05:59

I’m afraid I wouldn’t have done that.

BlastedIce · 18/08/2023 06:35

DameCurlyBassey · 17/08/2023 17:32

I wouldn’t trust anyone with kids In my care. So no sleepovers. There are so many other exciting ways for kids to have fun together so they’re not missing out. That will horrify many of you but I really don’t care. As I mentioned before I have seen and experienced too much, unfortunately. The worst probably won’t happen to your kids but it definitely could happen. Sadly, it happened to Connie Gent and her poor parents.

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And children don’t need to be on sleepovers to be abused, can happen anywhere and at anytime. Best you don’t let your child out of your sight anytime!

jenbj · 18/08/2023 06:51

This thread is bonkers. I finally lost it T the point where the child turned into the Artful Dodger stealing from other customers.

I would have left him to nip to the loo with another parent keeping an eye. Seems perfectly normal to me.

Nevermay · 18/08/2023 07:07

jenbj · 18/08/2023 06:51

This thread is bonkers. I finally lost it T the point where the child turned into the Artful Dodger stealing from other customers.

I would have left him to nip to the loo with another parent keeping an eye. Seems perfectly normal to me.

I take it you have not personally come across 5 year olds that pick pocket then? I have come across a fair few. Some are trained to, some just have a natural talent ( actually I only know one with the natural talent, but there are probably others) I don't even think it is particularly unusual in my city.

What I don't understand is why you think referring to a common phenomenon is "bonkers"?

Rottweilermummy · 18/08/2023 07:08

I would have told the waitress, or prob taken child to loo with me

BlastedIce · 18/08/2023 07:14

Nevermay · 18/08/2023 07:07

I take it you have not personally come across 5 year olds that pick pocket then? I have come across a fair few. Some are trained to, some just have a natural talent ( actually I only know one with the natural talent, but there are probably others) I don't even think it is particularly unusual in my city.

What I don't understand is why you think referring to a common phenomenon is "bonkers"?

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Because it’s really not a common phenomenon.

Nevermay · 18/08/2023 07:20

BlastedIce · 18/08/2023 07:14

Because it’s really not a common phenomenon.

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oh it really is

SlippySarah · 18/08/2023 07:27

No wonder everyone has anxiety these days if this is a snapshot of how people think.

If you are convinced your child will be abducted every time you turn your back I feel very sorry for you, and them.

BlastedIce · 18/08/2023 07:31

Nevermay · 18/08/2023 07:20

oh it really is

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Oh it’s really not, in all my many years never ever witnessed it, so it’s not something I put at the top of my “what a worry list”.

it may be in surrounding area that you live, because of social issues, but it’s really not a national thing.

BlastedIce · 18/08/2023 07:37

SlippySarah · 18/08/2023 07:27

No wonder everyone has anxiety these days if this is a snapshot of how people think.

If you are convinced your child will be abducted every time you turn your back I feel very sorry for you, and them.

Exactly, this is why we’ve got so many on MN, with “social anxiety”, “anxiety” and can’t open the door or go out, or socialise and the cycle goes on and on

Casperroonie · 18/08/2023 07:43

continentallentil · 16/08/2023 20:09

At that age I’d probably have taken him with me, but that’s very cautious.

The waitress is an idiot. It’s not her place to worry or otherwise.

Actually it is very much her place to question. She'd be one of the first to have to speak to police if a child was abducted /went missing from a restaurant.

Plus, it's everyone's responsibility really to look out for children.

StarDolphins · 18/08/2023 07:44

Nevermay · 17/08/2023 17:20

reasonable? what would you do if he didn't come back? if she choked? if a woman turned up and claimed to be the mother? if a different man turned up and said he was the father? If the child screamed out "stranger! stranger!" when you tried to speak to them? If the original man claimed you were trying to abduct his child? If the child had stolen property with them and was being followed by police? If the child had chicken pox or invisible infectious disease? If the management said the child had to leave the premises? If there was a fire alarm? if the child picked up a knife? If the child wet themselves or soiled themselves? If the child was stealing from other customers? If the child dropped and broke a plate? If the child fell and broke an arm? If the child was sick? If the child started crying? If the child came into contact with an allergen? If the child had an asthma attack? I could go on and on and on,

I think it is totally irresponsible to agree to this, or to ask anyone else to do it

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Oh dear lord🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 thanks feel like my head is going to combust! This is mad!

Casperroonie · 18/08/2023 07:47

Olive19741205 · 17/08/2023 23:59

An infant? The child in the OP is nearly 6. An infant is a baby up to 1yo.

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Actually it is up to 6. Hence why Ks1 are "infants" and KS2 "juniors".

DameCurlyBassey · 18/08/2023 09:13

BlastedIce · 18/08/2023 06:35

And children don’t need to be on sleepovers to be abused, can happen anywhere and at anytime. Best you don’t let your child out of your sight anytime!

Show quote history

Your statement is more ridiculous than you think I am being. Letting a young child sleep overnight with people you don’t really know is ridiculous to me. Being cautious about such things doesn’t mean that kids don’t have freedom or that they have to be wrapped in cotton wool, but for me there are certain situations that would make me feel uneasy - as though I was unnecessarily courting danger.

Things happened to me when I was a kid and had to be left alone for one reason or another ( I don’t want to go into detail)!. It is sad but from that time I realised that the adult world isn’t always what it seems. I never told my mum what happened to me until I was well in my 30’s. She was devastated. There were times she had to leave me alone through no fault of her own. She didn’t know that people she trusted were not to be trusted. Everyone thought those people were outstanding humans.

my experience is unusual I know and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but I am living proof of what can happen and it has affected the way I see the world. Please be kind.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 18/08/2023 09:32

I've seen this hitting the press. It's nobody else's business OP, you needed the loo, your child was engaged. Asking somebody present also if they were willing to watch your child is fine - I've been that person present. It's really not a big deal, the responsibility is still yours, not theirs.

Posters banging on about DBS as if that's in any way relevant... we all interact with the public all the time. There are plenty of people in very elevated positions who are utters creeps who shouldn't have charge of a houseplant. I'm sure they're DBS 'validated' too.

JMaggs93 · 18/08/2023 09:33

I would never ask a stranger to watch my child or leave them alone in a restaurant. YABU. The waitress responded accordingly IMO.

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