has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

I hate seeing scruffy uniform. If you can't get the basic right how do I trust them to do anything else!

I think you’d probably manage. It sounds important to you.

Might also add - I've taught in both state and private schools and I'm very happy with our state primary.

Would it be better to pay for private tuition after school? That, alongside after school club would pay for the wrap around care alongside ensuring good grades?

He would learn in exactly the same way as other kids, by listening, trying things out, learning from mistakes, challenging themselves, being creative, being confident, discussing, practising, building on existing knowledge. Kids who can do this learn in any environment.

And funnily enough it doesn’t matter how nice their trainers are.

Not sure that sounds so great a life to be honest. Never buying anything, never going on holiday. Is it worth it?

If you're going to do it I'd start private school from the very beginning, personally. Not put them in state ed. until end of primary.

It sounds as if you're unable to manage that, though. You should research more state schools and widen your search.

@pinkdelight not sure where I said I thought my child was a cut above the norm? I’m just trying to work out how I could finance a private school for him, that’s it. No comment on him being a ‘cut above’ anything, though it’s interesting you consider privately educated children to be just that.

can you work at a private school which may give you help in payment

Depends on your other outgoings (mortgage?), but I would say for private school you are definitely on a low salary.

OP, you call 76k a low salary?

I would not do it on that sort of salary for primary. I would save it for secondary and start saving money now.

@nameitagain because I am moving to a four day week to have a day with ds

I hate seeing scruffy uniform. If you can't get the basic right how do I trust them to do anything else!

Given that many, many schools in countries outside the UK which have better educational outcomes seem to manage to turn out well-educated young people without using any uniform at all, I'm going to take that comment with a tonne of salt.

On £65k it's possible but you'll have to sacrifice a lot in other areas. Do you have savings? It sounds like you're renting, can you move somewhere smaller/cheaper? Presumably you're bringing home around £3300 a month after tax etc, and you know the school is around 1,500 a month, can you live on £1800 or so a month, every month. If not how short are you? Can you look to find a new job with a salary increase (at your level I'd expect the next step up to increase to £80k minimum), are you full time or can you extend your hours? Can you work freelance on the side (if not doing directly what you already do then using those skills in a complementary manner eg I have a family member on a similar salary who helps write questions for test papers, and they also provide expert guidance on new course materials, they do not work in education usually this is an on the side, I have an accountancy friend who also does excel jobs on fiverr and earns nearly as much from that as her day job).

How much are nursery fees now? It often isn't a huge change from paying nursery fees to paying school fees.

At the heart of this you can sit down with a spreadsheet, your monthly statements, and work out every bill you have, and see if you have enough left each month or not after your essentials, and then decide what niceties you're willing to sacrifice to send your child from what's left, because it would be a big lifestyle shift to pay for 15 years of private education on such a tight budget.

I agree with this, my mum was a mature student and in low-middle income work and I wasn’t judged at all. It does depend on the school and the area. I don’t know if they sussed we were poorer but if they did no one said anything or treated us differently and I was a very perceptive kid so I’d have picked up on it. Actually in my local state kid which my best friend went to she was bullied a lot for not having the right branded trainers etc whereas we all just all wore the same (rather ugly!) blazer and skirt in our school and black shoes.

I do think that a lot of private schools can be scruffy though as some pp have said 😂 it was always the richer kids who had the shabby blazers but no one cared

Why? Plenty of people send their dc state for primary and transfer private for secondary. Odd comment to make.

@purplebluediscorain eh? It’s a boarding school so day pupils can stay until 6. Obviously this is something I’ve checked.

i would wait until senior school.

Eh? What is the point in that if he’s going to be in school 5 days a week? 🤔

OP I am an educational psychologist. I have spent the last 25 years visiting every kind of school in a large city. I have been to private and state at primary and secondary.
It has made me very relaxed about my own children's education. The vast majority of schools do OK. I have seen very few really poor situations. One in a private school (the teacher left for an appointment having put a DVD on. The DVD didn't work. He left anyway. I was the only adult remaining in the room). One in a mainstream secondary (cover teacher with no pace or classroom presence). Lots of slightly rubbish situations, just as likely in indie as state. And a few really excellent lessons; one was in private, all the others in state. Private gives you a smaller cohort and sometimes, better facilities. It doesn't guarantee better teaching.

Almost all children go to state school, and not every child in state drops out, joins county lines and becomes a drug dealer. Some even go to university and become doctors or scientists!! My own kids were / are state educated and I have no regrets. They benefit from being part of their community, having friends on their street. They are ok. Maybe stop panicking and start properly looking at your actual options. You can not live a champagne lifestyle on lemonade funds.

It's pretty clear if you think these schools are awful with scruffy kids and you're desperate for your DS to go to the private school that you think the schools - and the kids there - are a cut above. You didn't use those words but that's your position, not mine, as mine went to state as did I and it's been fine. I don't think private school pupils are a cut above but I know that's how they sell themselves and it's obviously what you want. Don't know why you'd dispute it.

There are so many of your posts I want to respond to, but this one really pissed me off.

learn in that environment

My God! Utter heathens; don't let him be soiled by badly dressed kids (unkempt after a fun day at school maybe?) and distracted by the dumbos. He might catch a bit of council estate attitude from all the lovely, lively, enthusiastic, motivated kids around him.

A parent on a high income doesn't mean their kid is better, deserves better or should expect better.

A kid at private school school with a high earning parent may have better opportunities but my life experience has shown me less fortunate families can do just as well, if not better.

My kids went to a local primary (a fantastic one, right in the middle of the estate). One is now an architect, one is a junior doctor and one is a dentist.

One thing I can't stand is snobs... I'm not suggesting for one minute you are a snob, I'm just saying noone is better than anyone else. You can't buy class.

OP, I think as others have said you’re better off waiting until secondary school. I did state primary and private secondary and I think it worked out well like that.

I am interested in what you do OP as you earn a good salary but your posts appear to be written by someone quite naive. If you want your ds to go private then cutting your hours is the last thing you should be doing. You can't have everything you want. If you really want private then you are going to have to make massive sacrifices and working a 4 day week isn't feasible. So much of what you say sounds a little clueless which is why I am wondering how you do a job that pays as well as yours.