has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

She doesn't, it is a low salary if you're talking about private school fee affordability.

On what planet is £85k 'low' or 'average' for even a double let alone single wage.

The UK average wage is £27,756 (median) & £33,402 (mean). OP has the income of a 3 working person household.

Why do you describe 76k as low salary?!

Pressed too soon. OP what do you do for a job and why will your pay be decreasing?

I don't think any state primary school just lets kids wander around with no structure. Every single one has to pack loads into each day in order to cover the national curriculum.

Regarding uniform, some head teachers make it a priority, some focus more on the quality of teaching.

My nieces and nephews go to one of the top private schools in the south coast and they still haven't learnt to read at 6 and 8 years old.
My dad went to private school and ended up in prison at 16. My cousins also went to private school, one left uni with a teaching degree but now works at the local tescos, the other is unemployed with severe depression.
All anecdotal I know, but I seriously do not k ow one person (and I know many) that did well from private education. All it resulted in was drug use, isolation from normal society and mental health issues from enormous pressure to succeed.
I honestly wouldn't bother unless you have 18k flapping about doing nothing and you feel like doing it for fun.
You are much better off saving that money for a house when he's older as that will definitely help him to achieve in life.

I feel like I’ve gone through a wormhole 😂

Low salary 🤣🤣🤣

Have you factored in fee inflation of at least 5% per year, possibly more if labour get in. £18k now will be nearer £40k by sixth-form

No idea how you even afford food Op on that low salary 🙄

This is the key question.

I'm thinking about all the kids who go to the primary in my area - they mostly look great!

Op you sound like a snob. You’re talking nonsense for judging a school on how their kids look.

Also clueless. On what planet is £76k a ‘low salary’? Also, also 3:20 is pretty standard for schools. My son who goes to private school comes out at 3:40 so only slightly later.

Were you privately educated, @unhw

On what are you basing your impressions of the local school?

At the younger end, there's no point in dressing them terribly smartly for school. You soon learn that they'll get paint and the like on their clothes, so you don't worry about sending them in the jumper they've already stained (just keep one fresh for the day they have the photographer in). Clothes they can get in and out of for PE are better than shirts and ties.

If the lack of organisation is based on what you see at pick-up time, that's not what it's like in the classroom.

Pick up - if you are working, you have to find after-school care - there might be an after-school club on site or that picks up from the school, or you need to look for a childminder. You might need after-school care with an independent school too - they often offer "wrap-around" care, but usually at an extra cost.

OP.

93% of the population go to state schools. The scruffy rabble at my DC’s S London state school are now at excellent universities getting firsts and 2:1s so they must have done OK. You cannot judge teaching and learning by clothing, or your perceived view of the class of the parents.

The classes in state schools have Teaching Assistants to support the work of the teacher. They also have various forms of small unit rooms for children who need more attention. All the ones I know of do anyway.

Save your £18k to pay for after school care and music lessons, so your job will be fine.

I also know two people with my issues and they don't have jobs. Parents pay for everything still. They felt so much pressure to perform as they'd been invested in. They are the only people I know who went to private schools

Oh OP wait until you find out how long the holidays in private school are !!!

Fun fact - my teaching assistant was employed by a super posh private school as their reception teacher for many years, the parents were oblivious someone unqualified was teaching their little darlings. They also cared a LOT about uniform. So much so that they'd spend half an hour a day in the hall in an assembly getting ready to go home where everyone's boater hats and collars were checked. Excellent education eh?

Usually bursaries require child to do well on their entrance exams as well.

Consider moving into private sector in year 3 or 7 or even 8/9 instead and save some money in the interim .

65k in London is not a huge salary - especially for a single parent.

Absolutely this! If you can't do it comfortably and your child will be the odd one out and feel excluded from their peers, you will do more damage than good

@unhw Loads of grandparents pay school fees as it reduces inheritance tax. Obviously your parents are not bothered about DCs education but seem to value wealth for its own sake. Lots of grandparents find giving via education fees to be truly satisfying and really like to help as a lasting legacy. Shame your parents don’t get this.

Some posters have not understood that this salary is on the low side for affording school fees. Ignore them.

The best way to look round any school is to go on a working day. We looked for children being fully engaged. So might be play but in fact this aspect of YR is greatly overstated. The learning outcomes are required (as far as Dc are able) and schools do a mix of more formal learning when Dc are ready. My DDs did little free play as they were ready to read and write etc pretty quickly. Other dc took longer. I would not go near a chaotic yr either. You do need people like you to feel the school is right. As a poster said earlier, parental values really matter.

Look at the government web site with info about each school. Talk to parents. What schools can you actually get into? You could move to a better area. I’d definitely ask rich grandparents for help. How odd that they won’t.

On £65k I don’t think you can afford fees I’m afraid so you had better get looking at state schools and thinking about your options for reception. The fees might be doable for nursery or reception but will ramp up quickly through the upper prep. you will then have a serious issue about paying secondary fees. I think it is very hard to start a child in a prep if you can’t afford to go all the way through. You would be risking so much to dismiss all state primaries through snobbery.

Prep demographics will also vary area by area. In a grammar school area you’ll likely have a less flashy crowd who are stretching with the intention of a grammar place. In my area (with no grammars) the preps are seriously monied. Even v wealthy people are using state schools for primary and then moving to private for secondary.

Unless you can comfortably afford it I would be cautious.

There are many extras, wrap around care (yes prep schools finish early too) music lessons, extra tuition, expensive school trips. Not to mention mixing with wealthy families. Swimming pool jealousy and wanting a pony are probably part of the course!

Fees go up year on year. And if labour get in private schools will lose their charitable status and so fees will go up hugely.

We moved for a good school. We have used breakfast clubs and a child minder which is what most people do. We decided to priorities music lessons and clubs our kids wanted to do. We wouldn't have afforded this on top of fees.

OP people on our income probably don't send their kids to private school but we decided to do so. For the reasons you mentioned and many more others. We don't go on holidays, or if we do, it's visiting close family in the country. We live a modest life, we only buy clothes when we need them not want them and in general are very considerate about our spendings. It's a choice and there's no guarantee one would be able to pay up until the end. As the children move up, the fee goes up too. DD school is 8.15-3.45, then clubs until 4.45, most are free of charge. If we need aftercare, we need to pay per session.

Most private schools ( if they want to keep charitable status) offer bursaries this is different to an attainment based scholarship. As long as your dc passes the entrance exam then you could apply for a bursary this could be up to 110 percent of fees the extra 10 percent to cover uniform trips etc. It will be means tested and probably if you have a second home you would not be eligible. I think a few years ago if you earned less than 80K you would get something it has probably changed now and that threshold raised. The means testing is quite intrusive - it has to be as you are asking for charitable help. Contact the bursar of any school you are interested in.