has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

Some schools include lunch in their fee if not they’re about £250-£300 a term. They only clubs you pay extra for in co-curricular is possibly dance (external teacher) otherwise private schools hire specialist teachers and they also run the clubs. so no extra costs.

Or maybe they’ve actually been to independent school and speak from experience?

Oh my goodness, some of the comments on this thread are absolute tosh, I expect the OP is long gone, but if not, or for anyone interested, I can offer my family’s experience to clear up some of the misinformation.

It is likely to differ by school, but a) my son had to pass entrance exams to secure his place b) a bursary is income related and a scholarship is awarded on merit (you can have both) c) our award includes aspects of his uniform, trips, lunches and school bus d) extra curricular clubs are largely included and therefore no additional charge (other than mandarin etc which he doesn’t do) e) I pay separately for peri instrumental lessons and english speaking board exams f) I am financially assessed annually. Full financial disclosure is required and I am expected to update with changes throughout the year if relevant g) my son is incredibly happy there despite h) he goes to school from 8-5 (compulsory school day until 4 and clubs or homework until 5).

The schooling experience is entirely different from state imo. It is intense. Lots of formal assessments. Lots of homework. I chose this environment because it suits my child’s character but if it didn’t I would have chosen another school. His happiness matters above all else, but education is very important to me and I believe it will open doors for him, whether or not he achieves high grades, the work ethic/ discipline will take him a long way.

My son joined for junior school. It was my intention from reception and I spent two years preparing and researching schools, financial assistance, tutoring etc. we also moved area as part of this.

I understand why a lot of posters are saying this is not possible, and I assume that is because they haven’t done it, but in my experience it is.

This isn’t true. We have a very extensive activities program - coding, martial arts, tennis, golf, skiing, swimming, chess, fencing, LAMDA, art, drama in addition to choir, music lessons and the standard big 3 sports.

Each one costs £80-£100 a term so it’s entirely possible to spend an additional £400 a term.

Plus buses (£200 a term)

All schools are different but it very much depends on the local market and all preps in our area offer similar.

Hmm yes but if you're 'not doing it' then obviously state schools are the only other alternative, unless home schooling is an option. Considering private schools are charging around £15,000 a year I find it strange that the head would be so dismissive of where that's money's going, why would anyone spend that at a school unless they felt they were getting a real advantage over a state school which they could attend for free?

How do you know the local schools are 'awful'? That's a bit of a sweeping statement. And what do you base your opinion on?

It is as with many things, parents are asked to sign a declaration that it is true. We don’t “know” but if anything is found to be untrue the bursary would be withdrawn. I do not believe for one second, that somebody got a bursary when they have a £200k income and “people” have not been saying that, I have read the full thread and one poster said that. They are mistaken, I am sure of that.

Scholarships are a different thing. We have music, art, academic, sport and all round scholarships. In my school, I don’t think anybody has more than 25% in any single scholarship and it is more likely to be 5% or 10%. Some pupils have two scholarships, in that case the combined isn’t usually more than 40% but again is more likely to be a combined 20%.

A bursary is quite often 80-100% on the other hand and the pupils of full bursaries often have uniform and trip costs covered too.

I think it is true that some schools include lunch and sports. Yours doesn’t, mine does. We don’t charge for lunch, well not itemised anyway, our fees for senior are £8500 per term and we do not charge extra for lunch, sports or music, unless the sport is out of hours and then it is a late stay / sports charge. Our only charges for music are for examinations, sheet music and if the pupil hires a musical instrument.

A pupil is only likely to have £400 of extras on their bill at my school if they are a flexible boarder or they have booked a school trip.

Thank you @SurreyPsych . I was certainly bemused further up the thread when I gave my own experience, staring very clearly that it was merely my own personal experience, and another poster came bustling in to state that I was wrong.

Other kids manage it.

private school is a nice luxury if you can very easily afford it without having to sacrifice any of your life style. But it’s not worth bankrupting yourself over.

that said, you salary isn’t lowish, it’s pretty high, but still if your income drops to £65k that would be a huge struggle. I don’t think it’s worth it. State schools are mostly fine. Really bad ones are pretty few and far between.

@SurreyPsych The op is talking about yr. Who gives a bursary in yr? Few. Your Dc was junior. Entirely different.

My DDs prep included lunch and some clubs but not specialist drama, dance, music or sports coaching. Same at senior school. Most schools have a list of extras that are pretty long!

Just because others on this thread don’t value education in the same way, there’s no need to rip into OP as if she is doing this for the ‘optics.’

and again, there it is, that undercurrent that only people who consider private value education.

@TizerorFizz I agree. I mentioned in a previous comment that bursaries weren’t available before 7+ for the schools I looked at / my son sat entrance exams for.

I’m not even sure whether the OP would be entitled to a bursary, I was just offering some experience to clear up some of the misinformation. Ultimately, I would emphasise that I spent two years actively seeking out answers to the questions the OP has, and I’d suggest anyone on a tight budget does the same.

To be fair, OP listed avoiding scruffy children as a fairly significant part of her motivation.

Richer people try to purchase educational advantage in various ways to get their children into contention for things later in life that they wouldn't otherwise be able to access on 'raw' merit. That sits at the bottom of this. But applies to catchment areas and tutoring too. There is some hypocrisy about this. We can debate whether it's fair or not somewhere else, but at least let's be honest there are several ways richer families attempt to buy better outcomes.

The question of 'confidence' is a tricky one as that can translate into a not very nice disdain for poorer people, and a belief that a privilieged education is somehow a reflection of their superior abilities, rather than superior life chances, in the vast majority of cases.

Perhaps schools could aim to inculcate humility rather than confidence, and help students to appreciate that many of those who have not had the same life chances and attend state schools, are more talented than themselves, but receive fewer opportunities?

There might have been some posters that fundamentally object to private education. But they are not in a majority on the tread and OP has not had a hard time because she wants her child to go to a private school. She had had a hard time because of her condescending comments about state schools, those places where 90% of the population are educated in the UK.

I wonder how many people from private schools you’ve met? We’re not talking public schools here, just a local independent. They do generally produce adults who are confident and able to perform well in interviews, for example. This doesn’t mean that they disparage others who have had fewer opportunities, though

@Moglet4 - 🤣. She said in one of her posts that the one she’d looked at was a boarding school, hence enabling day children to stay until 6pm, so not your average local independent. £18k a year at primary is also not “average.”

We are a boarding school, it doesn’t mean day pupils hang around until 6pm. We provide late stay care but that is booked and paid for separately. I think our day fees are average and it would be £19k per year between years 3 and 8 (inclusive).

She wants her child to stay until 6pm.

And day fees in a boarding school are, on average, considerably higher than day fees in a day school.

The lack of confidence in kids that go to State schools in the UK is a uniquely British thing. It doesn’t exist in India - where despite having a huge private school market, government school pupils (often educated in classes of 100!) with a single teacher teaching multiple years) still emerge confident and well prepared for work. It doesn’t exist in Australia or the US or Europe either.

I think it exists in the Uk only because there is an over-tolerance of disruptive pupils in this country - by both parents and teachers and the government. I don’t know what the answer is: in India a disruptive pupil would be expelled and their parents expected to manage them . In France, however, kids are expected to be unruly and the discipline enforced is excessive but it still doesn’t work and there is an element of parental responsibility that is given.

Except in this case, what the OP is complaining about is “learning through play.” She is therefore objecting to the teaching method used in the early years foundation stage in state primary schools.

😂Many, every day, for over 30 years.

But my point was more about schools, and their responsibilities in respect of confidence and attitudes of superiority.

Just to add....
My friend has just taken her son out of a private school and put him back into state school
She chose a private school because of smaller classes, and thought he would 'grow' better- our local comp has 1800 kids.She also thought he'd be more focused on- he's not sporty but the school promised they'd 'tap into' his likes and encourage them to grow....
Nope- been there 3 years and nothing,despite Mum being in touch with them many times about it.
And he was bullied and picked on. 8 different kids picked on him constantly, telling him to kill himself, shoot himself in the head,cos nobody liked him.....the main instigator got excluded....and the other kids just turned on him even more 'because it was his fault that their mate got excluded ' The head actually said that he couldn't be expected to exclude them all, so she basically had no choice but to pull him out.
Our local school is big,sometimes the kids look like a shower of shit but they're an outstanding school and the kids get excellent results.
Please also ask your child if they actually want to go to private school. They may not be as keen as you....