has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

My dd was treated like this at an outstanding State Primary alongside two other disabled children. It’s very, very common for SEN students to be bullied at State Schools. My DD had the fortune to he academic too and so she was snapped up by a local private primary who then went above and beyond to get her the help and treatment she needed - they did indeed tap into her likes, realised she was competitive and channelled it in sports and academics. The other children (who I still see) had more profound disabilities for which private wasn’t suitable
and their parents pulled them out of school completely to homeschool - both of them said most of the kids they met through various homeschooling groups were disabled. Various groups were thousands of kids strong and most of the children were disabled.

So State Schools ARE failing. It’s just not transparent.

£65k is £3800 a month ish, if no pension contribution.

You'd need to put £1500 a month of that towards school fees. And increase that every year, as the fees rise. And keep your fingers tightly crossed you never face disability or redundancy.

So you'd be left with £2300 a month. Personally I wouldn't even consider maintenance as it's too unreliable.

Only you know it you can manage that op. Seems bonkers to me though.

This is similar to ds's public school. He had an academic scholarship (20%) and a bursary to cover the rest of the fees. His award included uniform, lunch, extra curricular, music theory, rowing, some trips etc but we paid for LAMDA and violin lessons. (He also had piano lessons outside of school). School bus was not included but ds chose to cycle there and back (about 18 miles altogether) to save money. He is now at university.
Dd3's private school (y11) is not quite as generous. She has a 100% bursary which includes lunch, uniform and ipad but a lot of other items have to be paid for (I could possibly ask for help but generally choose to pay rather than beg). She also does LAMDA which is more expensive at her school than it was at ds's. Music theory would also have been extra but she did it as part of her external piano lessons ( much cheaper than school) and she also does ballet and modern not in school because of the much higher costs.

@Manthide you sound like a brilliant parent. Your children are lucky to have your support

I took ds to a number of private/ public school open days when he was about 8/9 to see what he thought. He immediately decided he wanted to go to one of them. I told him there would be entrance exams and as he only managed to learn to read when he was 7 and had had extensive speech therapy - and an ISP he would have to work hard for them. We started doing Bond books every day and in y6 he took entrance exams to both schools. He was awarded a 100% bursary to both and chose the single sex school. He has ASD and was being bullied at state school. Apart from a couple of issues which were handled sensitively by the school he thrived there. He was never sporty (he has bilateral sensory processing disorder) but he was encouraged to have a go and found his sports. They encouraged his music - he was not enjoying violin at the time - and ended up head of orchestra and number one violin whilst also achieving the top grade in piano. My proudest moment was when he achieved distinction in his grade 8 (gold) LAMDA and gave a speech at dd2's wedding. It's not for everyone but it was the best thing I did for ds ( now 20).

One doesn't need to spend very long on the SEN boards to understand that Private Education has little to offer many SEN families, for two objective reasons: how market-based admissions works in respect of high needs children, and the fact that the SEND Code of Practice does not apply to the private sector (unless listed in section 41 of the C&F Act), so unlike the state sector, there is no obligation to make best endeavours to meet special needs.

Better funding for state SEN provision is the answer whilst the law remains as it is.

Thanks, I've really done my best - unfortunately I didn't choose the best father for them and life has been an uphill struggle.

Richer people try to purchase educational advantage in various ways to get their children into contention for things later in life that they wouldn't otherwise be able to access on 'raw' merit. That sits at the bottom of this. But applies to catchment areas and tutoring too. There is some hypocrisy about this. We can debate whether it's fair or not somewhere else, but at least let's be honest there are several ways richer families attempt to buy better outcomes.

This is such a fucked up approach to education. You realise that entire continents - India, Africa, China, S.America - education is valued for its own sake and as a way out of poverty. To improve and enrich live. Not simply for “rich” people.

This smacks of someone simply doesn’t understand the value of education nor indeed the value placed on it globally.

My experience, 3 dc all went pretty much all the way through in private ds had 1 reception year at local village school, he was in a class of 33 and it was way too much for him, he had been there 6 months and they didn't know that he could already read, not their fault but he was unable to concentrate with the amount of distraction. He needed a smaller class size and a more structured environment. They all ended up in the same senior school, fees now in excess of 30k. It is a large school, mostly borders but quite a large day house. 1st dc was awarded 90% bursary 2nd 100% and 3rd 105% grandparents pay for any trips (have to be approved by bursar) in a school of 1200 there are about 350 in receipt of a bursary, so a little over 1 in 4. Both DDs also won scholarships for music which meant that their music lessons were paid for by the school. Meals included (pretty good by all accounts) and there are many free clubs that they could go to after school. Having been the product of an awful comprehensive education I wanted better for them. Not ashamed to say it. My school was unable to switch from the days of corporal punishment to other means of discipline. I had so many lessons that were ruined by truly awful behaviour. I left with no qualifications. I had to educate myself and now have a degree. But I know so many who simply did not reach their potential. At the dcs school any misbehaviour could result in expulsion no messing about. The children know they are lucky to go there and have a confidence and ambition that is nurtured. Hard work is expected and rewarded.

Far from being 'fucked up', it is an approach which sees decent education as a human right for all, and not a commodity the wealthy can secure privilieged access to.

My grandkids went to a state faith school which also took children not of that faith. They had a very good academic level.
In any case I’d be saving for secondary private school.

@SpaceRaiders Wow!

I don't know anything about this at all! Thanks for the insight

Unfortunately, in some parts of the country that is the average for a local private school- not all, obviously (my kids’ school is considerably less)!

I find it rather sad that your experience of kids from private schools is that the ‘vast majority’ turn out up their own arses. Fortunately, that’s not been my experience of private school pupils at all.

Education that costs £25-45k per year is not “a route out of poverty” - as you see here, even somebody earning £76k per year can’t afford it. It is a way of entrenching privilege, and ensuring that only the very rich get the benefits of networking with other very rich people (parents arranging internships for their children’s friends that a state school child is shut out from, for example).

Good, well-funded state education is a way of lifting children out of poverty - even if you are on FSM, you can go to an excellent state school, and end up at Oxbridge if you are bright enough and work hard. The issue is that our funding and resources mean that this isn’t available to all children in all areas.

We have excellent state primary schools locally (I genuinely do not know why you’d go private around here except for snobbery, the state school academic outcomes are better than the private schools’), but not every area is that fortunate.

Whether you regard it as a human right or not, it’s not free for vast areas of the world. People throughout the developing world are working, saving, studying, travelling, leaving their countries, to get access to good education they have to pay for. Which you, with your western, entitled, cloth-ear dismiss as “the wealthy securing privilege”.

@Moglet4

I have not said 'vast majority' in any post. You are literally making things up.

Who says. It is if you can secure a scholarship or a bursary. Like lady on UC on this thread. It is, for an immigrant to sacrifice a significant portion of their hard-earned income to secure the best education they can afford, because the sink schools around them have low aspirations and uncertain prospects. Because they come from cultures where education is valued for its own sake as well as a tool for social mobility.

State education is not well-funded, and in some areas, in some schools it’s very bad. Excellent state schools are like gold dust and mainly the province of the wealthy middle classes who can afford to buy property in their catchment areas - which is simply a way of paying for education by stealth and expecting a pat on the back

Not every area is as fortunate as yours because they are not as rich. I’d say you’re London or the SE.

Any what do you think is the better solution to poor state schools in some areas? Improving funding to bring under-performing schools up to the standards that other state schools already achieve? Or Eton taking one or two charity cases, alongside the oligarchs’ kids?

Which do you think is a more realistic route out of poverty for the average working class child?

Private Education has little to offer many SEN families.

You couldn’t be further from the truth. Without the private sector my DD’s would not be able to access an education. The highly renowned outstanding village school failed my younger child for two years before I bit the bullet. We live in a wealthy area, the schools are all mostly good, with engaged parents too. Yet our prep is full of SEN kids who leave the state sector, often mid year and are accommodated without having an enormous fight!

I understand why you like the look of private school but have you thought through how your child will feel being the "poor kid" at private school. I say this because I know people who were and they felt like the kids you are worried about your child mixing with in state school and bullying does exist in private schools too I'm afraid. It's not just fees you'll pay for it's also trips and extras and then keeping up with the Jones', which sounds important to you. You can give him an excellent education in a state school and pay for extra tuition to boost academic progress and after school clubs are around £5/hour I believe so that'll help with work. Not paying £18k will give you money to travel with him and experience real life not so limited by funds and he can apply for grammar school-there are many that are similar to private school in the way of opportunity. FYI, My friend's brother went to private school and she didn't and she got better results-he really can achieve without you paying more than you can afford but if you really want to do it, I know someone who worked a second job purely to fund their child and managed it.

Both are relevant solutions. The more different backgrounds and cultures mix the better.

Education, specifically good education, is a realistic route out of poverty.

As someone who went to a private school since age 3, I can assure you that people with money - old money, realty wealth - do not care one jot about what someone else has. These are the sorts of people who turn up on old cars and often live in large run down homes, because they have nothing to prove. If the OP’s kid was the ‘poor one’, none of the truly wealthy kids are going to care.

I too attended private schools from nursery, then prep, etc. That might have been true of your school but there was an ingrained snobbery about background from some of the girls and some were bullied or snubbed.

The girl with the actress mother (as did her mother with some of the parents apparently) looked down on those children who had less in the way of money, even the way they or their parents were dressed. One girl's mother was nicknamed 'the mother from hell' because she was deemed as embarrassing because of her accent, dyed red hair and general appearance - I think her husband was managerial for a gas company.

That's just one example - from the '90s. They're really the same as state schools in that there will be cases of bullying, for whatever reason, in some.

The idea that folk who are wealthy rock
up in crap cars is utterly out of date. Never ever saw it. DD went to a seriously old money girls’ boarding school - no parent had a crap car. The big heritage houses were wonderful. There might be a few who have no money for cars but look at what else they have! They will have DC at the very best schools and the family trust will be spending £300,000 per child.