has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

the old money look down on the new money at our school. Old Volvo vs the Bentley etc etc

I agree that it's an out of date stereotype @TizerorFizz There might be some people who fit the bill but it's not the norm.

I never understand this about old money with no cash - they must have 600k in trust to pay 2 sets of fees!

I rarely saw anyone in an old Volvo. Mostly people had enough money for decent cars and school fees. The few who struggled to pay fees had the old cars. For obvious reasons. No one really cared!

@arlequin My neighbour drove a new Skoda but DS went to Eton. It’s not what they have, it’s what they are used to having. Family men were Eton educated and that was that - if bright enough. They don’t need to be flash but they have standards!

Yes! This!

Try doing all that is needed to hothouse Tarquin so he passes exams, to move house etc, if you are on universal credit and living off food bank tins and packets.

And what if Tarquin didnt have the natural ability to be hothoused to pass those exams? Would you be happy for him to be on he scrap heap with the pleb kids?

Absolutely dead at state school kids looking scruffy as an ACTUAL factor for OP wanting to send PFB private. DD is at a highly selective indie - wears sports kit at least 3 days pw, and roughly 80% of the girls look like they’ve been dragged through a hedge by 4pm even on ‘uniform’ days. Not sure a school focused on photoshoot ready pupils is the best start in life you’re hoping for OP…

As someone who is on universal credit and has used food banks and whose 4dc have all gone to private/ public schools it is certainly possible. I tutored them myself and they all came top in their entrance exams! Eldest two are now Cambridge graduates with excellent jobs and ds, who just missed out on Cambridge ( pooled in 2021) came top in his first year ( on his course) at university and was awarded a few hundred pounds. Dd3 is going into year 11 and has been asked to consider applying to Oxbridge. Takes a lot of effort- and the child needs to want it- but it can be done.

Did you home educate them entire @Manthide or was this in combination with school?

Well done anyway. Sounds like you did a great job.

In combination with school but basically worked through the Bond books doing exercises every night (for no more than an hour) and also did Kumon maths. Dc wanted to do it or at least they didn't want to go to the local state school, though of course there was the occasional wobble. All of them even now are very focused and are not the sort to quit when things get hard. They also like to be busy and look for ways to achieve their aims.
I am very proud of them but I do wish they had had an easier path.

@Manthide were all four were on full scholarships?

Long school day for a 4 year

The last two were - ds applied to 2 schools and was offered full scholarships/ bursaries at both. The oldest two ( now 30 and 31) we paid for ourselves as we didn't think to apply for a bursary though by the end our financial situation was dire. I'm not really sure how we managed it and we would have pulled them out but they were in y11 and 12 when it all happened. We basically used up all our savings. I wasn't going to send the younger two ( now 15 and 20) but ds is ND and I knew he would have been bullied at our local state secondary and dd3 decided if the other 3 went private it was only fair that she went too!

Ahhh. Where would we be without Enid Blyton and Elinor Brent-Dyer. Such useful resources.

@Manthide You and they are incredibly lucky to have got both their private education fully paid for. Hopefully they will recognise and acknowledge this privilege and give back to children less privileged than them. Being a scholarship pupil suggest they have skills they can share with children less fortunate than themselves. Possibly at the local secondary school.

Many schools have wraparound care. It’s not unusual for children to be at school from 8 until 6. The wraparound is play based, not lessons.

@unhw there are no boarding schools in the UK that take children younger than 7.

Your DD3 sounds incredibly entitled. Though it must be quite levelling to spend the day at private school and then the evening queuing at a food bank.

Ds is 20 now and listens to children read at his local (to his university) secondary school. He finds that very rewarding and is also a mentor. Dd2 has given free dance lessons at a local school. Dd1 is a gynaecologist and works in a deprived community. They all help in various fundraising events and I'm sure will continue to give back.

Their path sounds easier than many children’s. They’ve had privileged educations that will see them in higher earning jobs than children who’ve not had the opportunity to go to schools that provide the education and skills needed to get to Oxbridge.

Many NHS staff use food banks and work long hours, yet because they’re earning, don’t qualify for UC or bursaries.

I’m intrigued as to how you’ve managed to make this work financially. The cost of living, before the crisis, made housing, feeding and clothing four children difficult enough.

Hopefully your two children Cambridge graduates in their high paying jobs are helping with your son’s uni expenses and your living expenses so you no longer need to claim UC and use food banks.

Just because you can’t start boarding until 7, it doesn’t mean a boarding school which also accepts day pupils can’t have children younger than 7. Farleigh School in Hampshire crops up as an example on an internet search.

purplebluediscorain
eh? It’s a boarding school so day pupils can stay until 6. Obviously this is something I’ve checked

That might be so from 7 years old but o doubt it is from 4/5years.

Wraparound care is what you pay for whether they are in state or private.
I presume the private school will charge extra for the extra time, on top of the £18,000 per year.

This I completely understand this, but I’d not realised she’d actually pinpointed a school.

Probably a bit! Thankfully I am working part time now ( I'm partially sighted) so haven't had to go to the food bank for a while but I'm sure the experience will stay with her.

Levelling or a bloody ridiculous position to put yourself and children in.