has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

I have no issue at all with private school. I attended myself for 2 years, on a full scholarship. We were actually in poverty. I can confirm that even when friendships are made it will be awkward to maintain them when you’re friends live in actual mansions (gated houses with grounds and huge houses) and you live in a 3 bed mid terrace. My house growing up (rented on benefits) was actually much larger than any I’ve lived in since or as an adult and my garden was very large. And I still felt the disparity. I always felt very ashamed and uncomfortable when my mum dropped me off in our hand painted ancient broken mini, and my friends were all being dropped off in fancy brand new cars. It is exceptionally difficult (especially if like me you’re already socially awkward and different, I’m mixed race and had already faced many challenges due to that in my primary, I was one of only three non white people in the school, one being my sister!)to forge friendships when you feel inadequate financially.
But generally I have no issue with private school. I did do very well there academically. And I left to do my GCSE’s in a state school due to a town move. I did very well in my GCSE’s, and I was very proud, as was my mum. However the friends I had stayed in touch with did do even better. It wasn’t a huge disparity, but it was eg I got 3as and they had 6as.

my problem has been ops attitude towards state school. As I’ve said I live in an area where the state schools are second to none. People move here from all over literally for the schools, and they move well in advance. I work in early years and it’s a story I hear constantly when people look for childcare : we just relocated here because of the schools. They are all truly excellent, primary and secondary. The secondaries here are grammar and mixed ability and all are brilliant, and we have multiple to choose from and we have more than one in the top 20 in the country (private are included on the list!) it is just absolutely a snobby attitude to say she cant find a decent state school.
on top of that she’s literally ridiculous to think that a salary (plus child maintenance) of 76k is anywhere near low. It’s fucking insulting to the majority of the uk who are eating from food banks and sitting in cold and darkness during the winter to even allude that 76k a year is a low salary. It is literally disgusting to say that.
that’s my problem with the op. There is no jealousy or chip on my shoulder at all. My main issue with most schools in this area and my own private school is that they’re single sex. I hate that and wish I’d had a better option for my son within the grammar system he wanted to be in. But just private in general, no I have no issue with private school or parents paying for it. I myself have benefited by someone deciding to go private at primary because my daughter then got that place at the primary we wanted 😂

Jeez it boggles the mind that people can sell their labour for £78k and yet are clueless about how most people live in this country and have entrenched beliefs that all state school children (and their families) are feral semi-criminal thickos.

If I had a pound for every time I’ve met wealthy wankers with no self awareness about their privilege I could probably afford private education too.

He might have some mental health issues but other than that he goes through the motions of looking for work. He is almost retirement age now so they don't push so much. (I have actually divorced him because of this and other issues but he refuses to move out and our uc is still a joint claim)

It's a shame you still have to have a joint claim. Isn't there any way round this? I admire you for working part-time with your vision issues. I am physically disabled and also have Age-related Macular Degeneration, so I can relate. Personally, I think you are an inspiration for everything you have done for your DC and for what you are continuing to do.

"i currently earn ok (76k) but this will drop to 65 soon."

On what fucking planet is that a low income? Seriously, get a grip. I've raised two children on under £30k a year, with less than £300 a month from my ex. This is one of the most 'first world problems' I've seen in a long time. You are in serious need to some perspective. Look at the academic outcomes if the state schools around you instead of focusing on the 'standards of dress' Kids are kids, they don't need to be perfectly presented, and stifling them in dress codes isn't what's best for them. Your child needs you, to spend time with them, to chat through things with them, to interact with them. Being in 'childcare' 8-6 five days a week is brutal.

You can’t lie on a dbs check. It literally wasn’t done and I can’t imagine this fuck up in a state school

If your DC is musically gifted consider him becoming a chorister at a cathedral or abbey. Between 20-100% of the fees can be paid. Depends where you reside and if you’d be prepared for them to board from Year 3 or 4. It’s a massive undertaking but has its rewards too. It’s another way to access private education with financial assistance earlier than the majority of scholarships, bursaries or exhibitions commence.

Good advice.

I don’t see how thinking your salary might be too low for private school means you don’t understand others have less. The two are not the same. My local church had various very wealthy people who go and help out. Are we truly saying they don’t understand poverty and are snobby because they sent Dc to private schools? Surely they do have a different lifestyle (way above the OPs) but can also be decent members of society.

She probably does have decent state schools but not everyone chooses to use them. For a whole variety of reasons. Wanting something different isn’t a crime and her salary isn’t very high for a private education from 4-18. So those being super judgy, maybe just accept there are differing opinions to yours. We don’t all want a state education for DC. We did a mix but we all have reasons for choosing what we do.

Are you in the NW by any chance?

I’d rather be giving my child fun and life experiences out of school than giving everything up and living hand to mouth just to afford a private education especially at primary level.

The issue is that OP is calling a £78k salary lowish when it's more than double the national average.
There's a huge difference between saying I'm worried that I would struggle to pay for private school on this income and calling it a low amount, when it's clearly not.

Totally this.

It’s well seen that those disagreeing with my post on page 1 about not being the poor kid in private schools are made by those people whose kids are the poor kids in private school.

@rookiemere So what do you not understand about it being probably too low for private education? That’s the point. Being more then others is irrelevant if they don’t wish to purchase private education. I’m sure you really do understand the difference.

Our income and investments is too low to buy a house in Chelsea. However we have plenty of money for our needs. It’s just that people latch onto a salary without looking at what she wants. We have money but not enough for exactly what we would like. So, like most, we cut our coat according to our cloth. So should the op.

How can schools know parents are disclosing everything?

I just think parents must be able to hide if people on here are saying some parents get huge bursaries on £200k.

Maybe they give a false address, just details from one bank account, use a ltd company to give impression of low income for a year.

Something must be happening! I've never looked int private school seriously for mine, but from what people are amigo on here lying county be worth half a mill if you have two or more children!

Or they are getting scholarships because the child is exceptional at something....?

TYPO - what people are saying on here lying could mean .....

@merr1goround You can get a fully funded place if your child is exceptional in academic, music or sports irrespective of income.

Tbh it’s impossible to hide wealth to the extent you’d need, to pass the finance checks. And even after you’ve secured a bursary you’re not guaranteed it for subsequent years. Usually they hire a third party company who will often visit parents at home. They’d be looking at the type of house you live in, expensive art on walls, what cars you drive and the value.

Now what would sway your standing with the school is if you donated and entire IT suite and top of the range tech, as a way of preventing your wayward child from being kicked out for disruptive behaviour.

We didn’t manage to get a bursary but I recall being specifically asked to list all the foreign trips we’d had in the preceding 5 years. Must have raised some eyebrows because with all
our family being abroad all over the place we travel often.

Is there a single soul in the NW that would consider that salary lowish? I suspect not.

Sorry that’s the second time I’ve done that 🤦‍♀️I was responding to someone’s specific comments but it seems I put it on the main thread.

DD got a bursery because she scored top marks in their entrance exams, has ASD, and the school is a catholic one that likes to fully fund able disabled children where possible (she has been on a 110% bursary since Year 1). Our income wasn’t considered. But they did say we wouldn’t get a bursary for another child unless we were in financial difficulty.

And that’s fine, other people would rather focus on a good education.

private school is more than just fees. school lunches are not free and clubs aren’t subsidised priced like they are for state schools, so you’ll be paying normal £20+ session per hour of whatever extracurricular activity your child picks up. if you are willing to move to downsize why not move to find better state school?

and school trips will be £££ plus you kid will be socialising with those who are better off so be prepared for fancy birthday parties while yours might not get that? so there’s a lot more to think about than just feeds. if you want to invest in their education, just put your extra money towards a regular private tutor (oh and private school kids have that as well!)

The people with experience of the situation you describe? Well, that kind of makes sense, doesn’t it? 😁 You make a sweeping statement about a group of people, said group of people correct you.