has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

Totally.

Private education is immoral. If everyone used state schools then governments would be motivated to make sure they were all good.

Motivated to make sure they were all good?
I don't think anything would change, and similar disparities, regional, socioeconomic and so on would still exist.

It's not going to happen in any case, everyone using state schools, so pointless to debate.

Your right she does sound like a snob. Get over yourself and send to state school because you ever be able to send to private

State schools are immoral.

Yes, I think a good foundation for children is always important. I always wanted to send my two DC to a Montessori pre-school (my DM said her DF was a great supporter of Montessori), but the nearest one was about five miles away so I would have had to drive them backwards and forwards which would have involved extra cost. They ended up going to the pre-school in the next road to where we lived which was much easier as I could walk them there and it worked out well anyway because they then started primary school with lots of children they already knew.

As far as I am aware, ALL grammar schools are state funded, but obviously not available in all areas. We don't have any in our immediate area, but there are three a bit further out which are all easily accessible by public transport.

I am amazed you can afford private schools on universal credit. Did all your DC get a bursary?

I think it might be a myth that private school teaching is better. Smaller classes yes but a friend of mine was a language teacher at a very expensive private school and didn't have one teaching qualification to her name. Would never happen in a state school. She also told me that if the school thought a pupil wasn't going to get an A in their exam, they would make them sit it privately so the poorer grade wouldn't show up on their statistics. I also feel that a lot of private school kids would probably get perfectly fine marks in a state school because they have parents with the money for tutors etc. A tutor seems cheaper and more effective in my opinion.

Also wanted to point out that another male friend of mine worked in a private girls school and told me he was never CRB checked so could have had anything on his record and still worked there. This would never happen in a state school as they are so heavily regulated.

A young child can’t really enjoy themselves at school if they have to look smart all the time. They will all get dirty and covered in paint felt tips school dinner etc whatever school they are at. Don’t be a snob

I am a teacher in one of those lowly state primary schools. I have also tutored for 3 different families whose children attended private primary schools. All I can say is, none of those 6 children were achieving anywhere near their potential despite the exorbitant fees their parents were paying for them and if I were those parents, I'd be livid. Private schools are not automatically better than state schools. Poor teaching is poor teaching no matter how fancy the building may be.

Ah, but apparently it's in order to 'avoid the drug dealers'.🙄

i will say poorer pupils can really struggle at independent schools, when the other children have huge expensive houses, multiple cars, expensive holidays, endless trips out etc. They can feel very left out.

That may be your personal experience it’s not everyone’s.

The last two did but when the eldest two went we didn't even think of applying for a bursary and we had both of them there at the same time ( one school year apart). We weren't on benefits when they went but I wasn't working and husband was on about £45k (they left school 12 years ago).
It has been a struggle with the last two (ds left 2 years ago and dd3 going into year 11). I work part-time as I'm going blind and dh has decided not to do anything work wise! Every penny goes on petrol to school etc but dd3 decided that's what she wants. Her sisters do help if really necessary but otherwise we just grit our teeth and get on with it.

Dd3 does struggle a bit with it but generally she accepts that that's life! She really wanted to go there and we explained how difficult it would be financially. She is one of the brightest girls in her year ( has got the academic excellence prize every year) and is also talented musically. She doesn't feel out of place.

My child went to a state school in Richmond (SW London) and we were one of these poorer families. Kids ALWAYS made comments about us living in a flat. Some showed complete shock when coming for play dates :D

Same child now goes to a private school in Surrey and we get similar comments about our modest house compared to their mansions. (We live in a terraced house and a child was surprised when my son told him that our house is only a section of the row) :D

I don’t think this is a private Vs state school thing. I think this is a rich Vs anyone else thing.

That said, as parents, it’s our job to realise our position of multiple privileged and to educate our children about difference so they don’t grow up crippled by insecurity. My son feels no more “left out” financially than he feels “left out” when playing sport with more able kids, or playing in the orchestra with kids in higher grades. He just accepts the differences and knows that we all exist along many spectrums. We don’t give financial status more weight than any other difference when carving out a sense of character. If anything, we focus on how much more we have than most… even as a “poorer” family.

I know a single mum on 70k who has sent two kids to private school at the same time. She did this by moving to an area with good but cheaper private schools, living in a 2 bed house close to the school, and only doing cheap holidays. You will need to crunch the numbers to see what you can afford. But any financial pain is temporary - at secondary single mums are usually at the top the pile for receipt of bursaries.

Also wanted to point out that another male friend of mine worked in a private girls school and told me he was never CRB checked so could have had anything on his record and still worked there.

We had a teacher at mine who was eventually done for molesting girls (which was an open secret for years). Not to say this is the preserve of private schools but it is quite well known that they are more flexible with recruiting requirements as not bound to regulation in the same way.

@Pista41

We DBS check all staff and everyone who comes into our school and will spend any time with children.

My accountant’s DBS took ages to come back and she was never left unaccompanied even though she never spent any time with children.

We never ever take a risk. Ever.

@Mirabai I worked in an independent schools for over 10 years so I'd say I've got fair experience.

To be fair and I have experience of both sectors, my attitude is to send children to the local state school for primary & encourage children to mix with & accept children from all walks of life. If really conerned about secondry education then there is an option to move or go private.

DBS checks are a requirement for independant schools. The rules don’t differ. It doesn’t stop people lying about their criminal records.

That's pretty amazing! I admire what you have done as you have obviously had to sacrifice quite a lot. May I ask, is there any particular reason why your DH isn't working? How are you able to claim Universal Credit if he has just decided he doesn't want to work?

This topic is a never ending argument. Neither is better or worse, it's a totally personal and subjective opinion as to whether private or state is better. The only thing that is certain is that OP you can move your child if it doesn't work out. Every child is different, every school has its own culture and differences, every cohort has a mixture of personalities and teachers. It's impossible to know what is best until you experience it. Just do what you think is best, and if it's not really working out for any reason, or if the financial pressure is too much, just change schools.

I should add, bullying, snobby attitudes, people you don't get on with etc happen everywhere.