has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

My friend arrived on the first day of school to a very very posh private school.
She was immaculately dressed driving her new car

As she got out she noticed that there were a lot of vans and trucks pulling up. There were quite a few people in rough work gear. She realised these were the other parents.
Gone are the days of sending your child to private school so they only mix with the upper and upper middle class white collar management types. Nowadays you are more likely to find those upper management types sending their children to the local state school and their children are the unkempt scruffy ones you describe.
It is more the blue collar workers and wealthy pupils from over seas who are the ones that can afford it nowadays

Dds class had parents who ranged from builders to hairdresser, chip shop owner and shop worker and a very wealthy girl who was from overseas who had 24 hour security with bodyguards and her own driver

Everyone is concentrating on the schools issue. I cant believe there isn't one other post highlighting this child has no relationship with his father. As mentiined unless the guy has serious issues considered to be detrimental to his sons wellbeing surely sorting this out should take priority over the choice of school. If ex DH is refusing to be involved with his son for no reason other than being a 🍆 that's a different story.

My daughter left school last year from a state school, did really well in her exams. Her friend who got moved to private school because like you, they felt that the school had too many students for the number of teachers and the teachers couldn’t focus on individual students. This young person has no learning difficulties and no behavioural issues failed all her GCSEs and is now re-taking them at the local college. So just because you’re paying for an education does it mean it’s better. My daughter got eights and nines in her GCSEs.

Someone else has mentioned it. Easily missed as it's a long thread. OP hasn't returned to answer, though.

I wouldn’t bank on a better quality of education in a private school!

I agree. I was answering what was the last post above me when I started posting, saying their ds had gone to S.A on a rugby tour with their private school.

I hated the split the trips caused between those who had money and those who didn’t. Dd did that one big trip and then one much cheaper trip a year, but we realise she was lucky we could do that.

And how many children sink who otherwise would have succeeded with the right support?

Anecdotal examples of ‘X went to state school and flourished, but Y failed at private school!’ don’t change the fact that overall, private school students achieve better grades at GCSE, and can expect to be paid 12% more upon entering the job market, compared to their state schools counterparts. Are private schools perfect? No, of course not, but it’s pointless pretending that the state sector isn’t in absolute chaos. It is disingenuous to pretend that private education offers nothing, and/or that the state sector is inherently superior.

What kind of financial assessment do private schools make?

What do they / can they look at? What do they have access to or ask for?

For example, would they know you own a house? if so, how? etc

So many things during this entire thread is baffling.
65k+ is not a low salary. Maybe it is seen as that in London but please compare it with the whole country. Me and my partner don’t earn anywhere near that JOINT. I’m on 13k fgs. At one point I was on 13 and he was on 19 with a mortgage and a child. That’s a low salary. We live in the south.

If you think you can afford it and you want to, it’s your money, do it. Please don’t offend others in the process though, just as someone who can’t afford it wouldn’t offend you for choosing it, private school will never cross my mind, as yearly fees are more than my salary. Please be considerate before slating the way public school children look (which also won’t be a correlation to the teaching) as some of the things you are saying are insulting.

Not really. Some children don’t go to nursery because their parents or other family members care for them.

Sorry, I pressed reply as opposed to quote.

She hasn’t asked for people’s thoughts on this, though. She’s asked for opinions on private schooling.

SO intrusive to ask questions like this. Mumsnetters are wild.

I genuinely haven’t come across any decent state schools

Seriously?? I live in an area with great state schools, they have better results than the local private schools. If you really believe this you either haven’t looked very far, or you have a degree of prejudice against state schools.

I have been to both (on scholarship for private secondary, to a good local comprehensive and to the local grammar school, which has some of the best results in the country). I wouldn’t say that the private was more well-rounded or attentive at all - in fact if anything I’d say we got up to more mischief there 😂. I’ve moved back to the area so that my child can go to the grammar (without wishing to open up that particular debate) and there are great primaries too.

I agree with a PP too that some private school kids can come out with a pretty warped world view. I’m not against private schools entirely but if you don’t have the money I really think you should be considering other options.

Also worth taking into account that private schools will probably lose their charitable status under the next government which will lead to the fees rising even more.

What you are ignoring is that educational standards drop in state schools when the cohort is difficult as bad behaviour affects learning in the classroom.

If you're applying for a bursary claiming poverty, everything. If you're paying full fees, they don't care where your money comes from.

It wasn't a question, it was an opinion🙄

Don't be scared of state schooling. You would be surprised by how well qualified many of the staff are (in some cases, because of LEA employment regulations, they are better qualified than in independent schools, who are entitled to employ anyone they want, qualified or not). Kids in state schools tend to do as well as they want to do - if they don't succeed, it's because they didn't put in the effort: they aren't "hothoused" in the way some privately education kids are. At the same time, if they show willing, teachers are generally supportive. BTW, research suggests that small class sizes don't necessarily lead to better results. However, it sounds as though it is the social rather than the academic aspect you are worried about. That being the case, there's not a lot you can do - the sooner your kids begin to understand social/economic inequity, the more well-rounded they will be as individuals.

We would look at just about everything. All assets, borrowings, income and expenses. The parents, both parents, need to provide the supporting evidence. If evidence is not provided or if as I have mentioned, they are separated and the other parent does not provide their evidence, then it will be declined. It is an extremely rigorous process.

Lots of people on here will undoubtedly be angry at your post and call you a snob for wanting to send your kids to a private school, they are probably either jealous or have a chip on their shoulder. But the reality is many state schools are terrible where bad behaviour and poor parental eggagement and support for teachers, leads to out of controll classrooms where nobody learns.

This however is dependant on the area you live in. Middle class areas with a wide selection of good primary schools will usually have good state school options that are not too different in the quality of the education that private schools.

The main difference however comes at secondary level, as their intake is wider and even state schools in middle class areas will have a large proportion of difficult children who's parents don't value education which disrupts learning for all of the children and can actually lead to quite dangerous classroom environments (especially in cities). Plus, depending on your area, many of the children could well be the sort of children you don't want your child associating with (drug dealers, gang members etc). Some areas (more rural areas) will have perfectly good state schools that don't have these sorts of issues, but again it depends where you live.

Depending on your area, I would say private primary isn't really worth it and I would save money for secondary. I am staying this btw as a teacher with experience working in both private and state, primary and secondary schools.

Well I work at a private school so I definitely don’t have a problem with it. However I found OP’s post very snobby, nothing to do with the private school part of it, it was the attitude towards state education and young children’s outfits that was the snobby and offensive part.

My mum used to say, a mucky kid is a happy kid.

Mine went to school all clean and tidy and came home looking like they'd been dragged through the hedge backwards.

Lots of people on here will undoubtedly be angry at your post and call you a snob for wanting to send your kids to a private school, they are probably either jealous or have a chip on their shoulder.

I don't think people are jealous, and many of us have been to private school and/or privately educate our children (my early years prep education is part of my happiest memories of childhood).

It's the horrible snobby attitude, about the appearance of the state school children, etc, that has annoyed people. Also describing her income as low (over 80k with contributions from the child's father) has irritated many.

The op is a snob. She is ‘so worried’ about sending her child to state. That’s just offensive, what does she think will happen? I went to private school and wasn’t at all worried about sending my dc state, because I’m not a snob. Their school is lovely, so nurturing and caring, and my children are growing up accepting of everyone, unlike the op!

I'm very suspicious of your post. It's just deluded.
Do you seriously think that's a good idea on low income?
It's not the posh school that makes a difference to success in life It's everything else, attitude, aptitude, happiness, discipline organisation. Its not just fees you pay for It's the uniform, trips, clubs, activities, all of which you won't have money for and your kid will feel worse.
Most important is to send kid to local school and make local friends, if you have extravagant tastes then look at private or grammar later on. Use the money you save to fund kids to do what they love: tennis, chinese , violin, whatever