has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

Wow.

You are coming across as quite a snob, and your family telling you they’ll buy pretty much everything he wants suggests that you’re all quite hung up on what people think and keeping up with the Jones’. None of that will do your son any favours whatsoever. And there are some truly excellent state schools. Look a bit further afield at small village schools if you’re that bothered - they have small class sizes which does make a difference. You could move to the catchment area which would make much more financial sense than private school. If your heart is set on it, consider it for secondary school and save up. It’s madness doing it from nursery and primary unless you are loaded.

OP isn’t saying my family buy lots of material stuff so that is important to me. She’s saying her parents already give her kid expensive presents and they’re not likely to contribute to fees. it’s clear education is more important to OP than luxuries or she wouldn’t be considering spending a large proportion of her income on it.

Move to Northern Ireland - my kids go to a fee paying Prep school here and it costs around £3500 per child per year. We get small classes, excellent provision and access to the attached Grammar School’s facilities eg amazing music Dept, rugby and hockey pitches - school also adjacent to a new swimming pool (not owned by the school) so kids have weekly swimming lessons there for £90 per year. Free wraparound childcare for Prep 1 and 2 - 7.40am to 6pm then max £12 per day for wraparound care from P3 but the afterschool clubs can work out better if you just need to pick up an hour later. If you genuinely would move house then it might be worth considering!

One way of paying lower fees would be to offer your services to the school, a sort of “indentured servant”(!)
I knew a girl whose father was a CofE clergyman. Getting a job in a lovely village with an attached private secondary school meant his children got a free education.
Positively Jane Austen.

Finally, some sense from @jeaux90 :)

@jeaux90 There's also a lot of state school bashing on mumsnet...moreso than private school bashing from what I've read. I think OP's post proves this point - state school has an outstanding offstead report but there are too many children and they're not looking picture perfect everyday 🤔

Sorry, posted too soon!
There are too many children who aren't always dressed in their best so Offstead are wrong with their report and it's a bad school...

...in terms of offering advice, OP, if you can afford private then go for it. I personally don't agree with your reasons and it does sound pretty snobbish, but each to their own.

It’s madness doing it from nursery and primary unless you are loaded.

Nursery fees for most people are now in excess is 1k per month. If you can comfortably scrape through those early years of high childcare costs, you can easily pay private prep school fees on an a normal income.

Yes we send our DD to a private school . It is £1700 a month but we make huge financial sacrifices . Live off £300 a month for food between us, choose cheap / free days out for families , rarely eat out or buy new clothes etc.
it’s do-able if you can survive making cutbacks elsewhere .

All grammar schools are state funded. That’s the point :) sometimes you can pay fees for boarding but the education is free.

In my area, the cheapest nursery places are around £1,700. I haven’t been back on mumsnet for long but I haven’t come across posts where this is branded as immoral, because some kids go to cheaper nurseries. eyeroll

This is such an obvious statement to make, but every school is different. I find it hard to believe that there isn't a single suitable state school near to you, OP. Not every private school is anywhere near perfect either.

DS2 is at a private school for various reasons and we are extremely fortunate that my mum helps us with the fees. He was bullied at his former private school so we moved him and he's blissfully happy where he is. At his current private school they take bullying extremely seriously and it gets stamped out quickly.

He has opportunities that he can't get at the local state schools. He also has many friends at the local schools through a shared hobby, and is well aware that he has a privileged education. His school friends are from a broad range of wealth - our house and income is a lot smaller than some, but a similar size to others. One of his friends lives in a house that's virtually a stately home but really, genuinely, no-one cares. The stately home just gets the highest number of group sleepovers because they've got the most space!

Our elder son has multiple complex disabilities. Finding a suitable school for him, and getting it funded by our LA, has been far more of a challenge.

This is all good advice except I don't agree with looking at primary school academic results. Sats are brutal and unnecessary. I'd rather send my kids to a school that nurtured 'the whole child' than one which did wrote learning and high pressure for Sats.

And independent schools don’t do them.

But don’t forget the £8.4k of maintenance a year to add to the poor salary of £76k/£65k! Which if the OP earned that through her job would be almost 12k a year pre tax/NI.
Im not saying it makes private education affordable, but no one can pretend that is a lowish household income 😀

DS is 17 now and I am glad he went private. He has had opportunities to travel - recently went to South Africa with the rugby team - and - as a bright but not particularly self motivated person - I'm sure his Higher results are better than if he had gone to state, although that's reflected in being a bit harder to get into uni.

We were incredibly fortunate though that my DPs paid for it. If we had to pay the £12k per year from net income ( we're in Scotland so it's cheaper) and cope with above inflation price rises every year, I'm not sure we would be so pleased. It would have meant no foreign holidays or many meals out or other things that are nice to haves.

I'd say if you can't afford it comfortably, then don't do it. My friends DD is at the local state and got just as good results so it's not a magic bullet.

OP I think you're feeling guilty about the divorce and want to make up to your DS almost for the changes it has caused, but I think picking the best local school and paying for clubs and supporting with school work is better than private school if you're worried about long term finances.

His school friends are from a broad range of wealth - our house and income is a lot smaller than some, but a similar size to others. One of his friends lives in a house that's virtually a stately home but really, genuinely, no-one cares. The stately home just gets the highest number of group sleepovers because they've got the most space!

I've name changed because I've posted about this before.

This sort of thing, differing wealth levels and nobody cares, is trotted out often on these threads and you're not the first to have said something like that here.

Wealth isn't the most important thing, (though we generally knew who some of those were who were there on a funded place) but class and background always seemed to play a part. The vicar's daughter, just one example, wasn't 'posh' enough and the working class girl, with a regional accent, was actually called a chav as a nick name (or some equally horrible equivalent for the time). It's all very subtle (mostly!) and didn't involve everyone, but I experienced this in different schools (and I've attended state to be able to compare).

People like people at the end of the day no one is gonna get a run down of office your families a wealth before they makes fiends with you or like the cut of your jib with a teacher

Dd went to South Africa with her comprehensive on the rugby and netball tour. She could also have gone skiing in Canada or Italy, China, many European trips, Iceland etc etc.

It really depends on the school and probably it’s catchment area, rather than if it’s state or private

I doubt that you'll receive a bursary or any sort of discount until year 5+. Some schools offer discounts to existing, high performing students in their final years, in order to have their results/secondary school entrance. Or to an existing family, with multiple children going through hardship.

I'm not sure what your outgoings are, if you have to pay rent/mortgage I think it's unlikely that you'll be able to afford it. Also bear in mind that school fees are subject to inflation, ours rose up 8% this year. Labour Party have indicated that they would add 20% VAT if elected.

There are also tonnes of additional costs! DC music teacher advised that we would need a £500 keyboard for next academic year. My DC is 5 years old.

I think dropping a day will make a big difference, particularly over time. Also having gone from 5 days to 4 (for similar reasons to you) and having the same amount of workload for 20% less pay, I soon returned to 5 days

Are you planning to send your DC all the way through to 18? If so factor in secondary as the fees will increase substantially

If you can't afford the fees for 15 years, I would recommend you send them privately for secondary, factoring tutoring for KS2

Even if you could afford it now, what would happen if you met another partner in the future and had more children, would you still be able to afford it? Would you be able to afford to send more than one child? Would you potentially have to pull your son out of the private school and away from their friends? You need to think about what could happen over the next 15 years and whether making the payments will continue to be sustainable.

The cost of nurseries is a false equivalence. They ALL cost, which in my view is wrong. They should be free at source rather than parents getting grants towards the fees.

Personally I think that ALL children should get a great free education, they should all have enough good quality food to eat and suitable and sufficient clothing and accommodation. These things all go hand in hand to give children the best possible chance to fulfil their potential.

Though clearly some people posting here see disadvantaged children as a different and lesser species destined to be the servant caste for little Tarquin and Felicity and presumably couldn't care less if the scruffy kids are going to bed hungry.

<disclaimer> - my parents offered to pay for my kids to go to private school - no bloody way

Private school isn’t necessary at primary level. Also, private primaries charge for wrap around care. The fees are just part of what you’d have to pay. Even most well off people don’t send kids to private primary, only people with more money than sense. If you want him to go at secondary level, look at at boarding school like Christ’s Hospital where the fees are based on your earnings. They also offer full scholarships.

@Hotflushesinthesunfun None of those trips are free are they? Money gives choices. Always does. They would not run if the kids going were all PP kids.

Its a great shame the Op’s parents are not seeing education as an area they can help. Far better than stuff.