has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

Move house and think of both primary and secondary; don’t send your child to a. School you can not afford and then have to withdraw him later. What are you going to do with 18 weeks holidays, uniforms, trip, etc if you send him private?

All my 4 went private for secondary. I didn't really want my youngest to go as our local state school had improved and I knew it would be a struggle. She insistent as her siblings went so should she - and it has been a struggle!! She's now entering year 11 and unfortunately unlike her siblings she does seem to covert the expensive items her friends have which makes it more difficult- though of course she doesn't get them.
If I was you I'd ensure your ds has plenty of enrichment opportunities, takes up a musical instrument etc and enjoy his time at a state primary school before putting him into private school. If he needs extra help with maths or English perhaps do kumon and Bond books but otherwise enjoy having local friends and apply for a bursary for secondary school.

My school does wrap-around care till 6pm. You can get a bursary from Year 7 I think - some places are fully supported. Uniform you can get 2nd hand. There is no real snobbery about trainers/holidays etc really. It's not a snobby private school though - it's lovely.

I paid for him to join in Year 4 as it was cheaper than the wrap-around care and childminder I would have needed in order to do my job. Plus all the clubs are in one place so easier. Trips at that stage cost less than in state as they are subsidised. For instance, an overnight trip in the state school to a local farm was £85 but you had to provide lunch and transport (4 years ago). Just paid £85 for an adventure residential for 3 nights, activities, transport and food. For me it is just easier and better value. but it will depend on your area. I do get a discount though.

OP I'd just listen to those of us who actually have kids in private school or are recommending solutions to you.

There is alot of private school bashing on mumsnet.

Having sent older dc to private primary and now my youngest to state- I agree about the better opportunities being offered by private school. However- those kids who truly excel at an activity will be doing it out of school. This is probably better than a scatter gun approach of activities offered at private. Doing activities out of school also helps widen friendship groups.

My youngest state primary gets brilliant SATS results. Accept we are lucky to have this locally- but you could afford private tuition.

The move from a posh private school to state secondary might be difficult for your son - unless you think going private will prepare him for all of life’s eventualities 😉. You need to think what’s going to happen post primary.

At £18 grand a year- will he be expected to go to prep till 6pm and will there also been weekend activities with the boarders? You might see your little child less than you would like at a young age.

another vote for don’t do it. Honestly if your child is well supported at home, he will do fine. I’m sat here, the product of the state education system, degree and masters from top universities. You sound anxious about school. Go visit some state schools and talk to teachers, read ofsted etc. don’t commit yourself to a huge financial burden. Explore extra curricular activities and choose something your child is interested in.

This would concern me:

https://www.tes.com/magazine/archive/bullying-worse-private-schools-new-research-shows

Im not sold by private school education though personally. OP you clearly can’t afford it, so it’s time to look elsewhere.

This.

What about home education instead? I know not everyone can do it but if you can WFH, it’s an amazing option.

Surely you can’t home education and work from home?

You absolutely can! Many people do it. Home education isn’t what most people think it is.

I went to private school (scholarship kid) and I was the 'poor relation'. It's given me a bit of a complex all my life about now having what others do and comparing my lifestyle to others.

More recently we went through the same issues. We are lucky that we have excellent state grammars but DS missed out by a hair's breadth. He's at the 'good' local comp. I was concerned initially as he's a sensitive soul and not laddish but he has found his tribe. He is happy, and thriving and in top sets, on course for a good strong of GCSEs. He does drama, sport and scouting outside of school and volunteers to work towards his chosen career path. I'm not sure what the £18k+ would have bought him that would have been worth it other than connections.

I'd focus putting the cash towards living near a good secondary school or moving to a grammar area if your kid is bright enough.

You’ve got issues. Loads of children go to a local school and do just fine. You sound snobby

Could you explain a bit more please? I couldn’t see how I could focus on my job whilst also answering children’s questions, setting them up with tasks, sorting their breaks, and actually teaching them about various subjects.

Surely you want your kid in an inclusive environment rather than an exclusive one?

Dd3 goes to a private school on a 100% bursary. She does get a good uniform allowance, free school meals and a free laptop. The school did pay for one 4 day trip as I told her we couldn't afford it so she couldn't go. She accepted that and I didn't ask the school for help as I don't think others should subsidise school trips and always pay for them in full. Others must have asked so they sent an email saying she could go for free so she went.
( We are on universal credit)

What do you do @unhw

Both mine are at prep. It’s definitely manageable on a single salary. Although my first thought is you’ve gone for a school with all the bells and whistles, 6k a term won’t leave you much of a buffer should fees rise as they’re expected to in the coming years.

Ignore the ignorance on this thread. Not every prep school is the same, bullying exists everywhere, not every family is uber wealthy most are hard working and self funding school fees out of income. Bursaries are available but rare at prep. DD’s friend has secured 100% bursary at Y7 as parents are on a modest income, so it’s not completely uncommon.

Before you decide that the private school is ‘better’ check the ofstead reports. Reasons being, a friend of mine was fixated on her DC going to private school, which turned out to of had a terrible report. The local primary was rated as outstanding. Once her child had started school she had a lot of issues and constantly complained about it. Friends with kids at the state school raved about how good it is. So my advice is do your research, which would be more in-depth than looking at how children are dressed.
on anther note, I lived abroad for a number of years in a country where private was the only option for non-locals. Unfortunately if a parent lost their job, their child would need to pulled out of school. It’s a long term commitment starting with the private system at primary.

From my admittedly limited experience the difference between state and private education is really not that great. It's talked up but I've watched my DS in both systems and did not think the 'extras' of the private system amounted to very much at all. If you don't go private I don't think you need to be overcome by FOMO.

Sometimes there's an idea that there is more extra-curricular enrichment in a private school but - again this is just my experience - students doing well in sport or music are usually being given extensive training elsewhere even if the school tries to indicate it was all down to them on social media.

Just a bit cynical here about the whole business!

You don’t have to teach them directly or even set them up with tasks all the time. Learning happens in everything they do. As they get older, they will learn independently using resources to research what they’re interested in themselves.
Younger kids learn through play mostly.

You don’t have to follow the curriculum and education can happen whenever you want - between 5 and 8 if that suits but as I said, they’re learning all the time anyway.

I’ve just written my report for our 7 year old and I’d say only about 5% was sit down learning with workbooks. The rest is mostly discovery from doing things herself and from activities we’ve done together.

if your kid has written a song about Squishmallows, that’s literacy, if they’ve built a Lego set, that’s numeracy, if they make slime, that’s science.

Basically, home education is everything that school isn’t. I hope that helps!

Private school doesn't always mean the best option? better dressed also doesn't mean that the kids are nicer either. My partner was bullied horrendously in private school due to his parents not being as well off as others. Maybe look at reviews for state schools rather than looking at what the children are dressed like.

Early Years education is just that though - learning is child-led and they are very much encouraged to be free-roaming. As they progress it becomes more structured and adult-led.

You can't afford private education op. Maintenance can stop completely and is a real ball-ache to chase. Many private parents don't put kids in fee-paying school until secondary age as the outcomes before then are similar.

OP this is the wrong forum to post on my lovely. Heartbreaking when we might struggle to provide what we want for our children. Its really hard to send a child to private school and costs are the main factor, parents often make so many sacrifices ..... it can be done but it isn't easy. Firstly bursaries are like 'gold' dust and their award is very selective (there's often another connection to the child that gets the school bursary- viz a viz the family. Eg staff, alumni. So are unlikely to get one from the outset, if you are incredibly incredibly lucky you may find you are helped a little once your child is at the school - but v rare). Scholarships often offer very small fee discounts so some of the awards are such a small dent in costs. Its just so expensive that parents at private schools don't like lots of bursaries going out - as the money has to be found to pay for them ie. they see themselves as paying for others and yet have had to make lots of sacrifices themselves. Its quite a sensitive issue). If you are a teacher/have a job (IT, school nurse etc) at a particular private school you might find that a % discount is available on fees as an employment benefit. Also some parents carefully dip in and out of the state and private sectors. Eg state until 7 years old, then entry to an academic private primary (lots of tutoring, smaller classes, wrap around child care, inclusive actives), and then sit the 11 plus into a state grammar school and stay possibly until 16years when they transfer into a massive private school for sixth form ie 2 years of a-levels (for the amazing facilities, network connections and support into University). This way you 'only' pay for a certain number of years of private. If your parents or grandparents can contribute it is often an incredible and generous gift and there are massive massive numbers of children in the private school who are paid for by grandparents, it can help with inheritance tax, (but again this tends to be talked about very discreetly). Grandparents sometimes turn up at the ballet show, harvest festiival, Christmas fair, carol service etc which makes it such a lovely inclusive family experience. The other point is that whilst private schools seem to charge fees that are similar there is variation. Look closely. Some of the day schools are less, and some private schools include everything in your fees (breakfast club, afterschool activities.after care unless its by a specialist outside provider, food etc) and other charge everything as extra. Annual rises in fees have to be priced in - e.g. this year a private primary in our borough raised their fees by 10%. Having said all of that - there are really really lovely state schools, you just need to do more looking or move, and its possible to do lots of activities with outside providers (e.g. take your child to a music lesson etc - its just that private schools do a lot of that in house so its convenient) and your child would grow up with a good group of 'local' friends for life. Many of the private schools contain internationals or pupils with parents who are not local.

Also on reflection, unless ex DH has problems, eg drugs, alcohol, mental health issues etc, my first priority would be sorting out the issues as to why DS has no relationship with his father. In the long term as he grows up this wiil affect him far more than choice of school.