has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

@Butterflyfluff I was just thinking this, a child will feel like the 'poor' kid and I know a few adults with this complex.
Can you afford to pay for a tutor when it gets to exams?

My friends son goes to private, not Eton or Charterhouse etc but a more bog standard one and the families lifestyles are still something else. Second homes, holidays abroad (nothing fancy , but abroad 3 times a year).

To be honest a private education doesn't guarantee anything, I know ,many successful people who have had state educations and are very successful .

OP have you actually done any research about private schools? Research published this year has stated that private schools are no better than public in terms of education. They also tend to lack diversity and the teachers are no better educated ( I know private school teachers). What are you going to do about the long holidays in terms of care? And what about the expensive school trips? And one of the reasons why private school children tend to do well is all the extra curricular activities they do, which tend to be very expensive. How will you pay for all of those? You cannot rely on your parents for all of this, you have no idea what their future holds plus they may limit it if they’re concerned about their other grandchildren.

Unless you get a nursery (only 1% of them are awarded annually) I don’t think you can afford this. You need to look at other schools. There are lots of good public schools around, lots and lots of them.

I meant bursary not nursery

I work in a university with lots of students who went to private school and it ain’t all that. Most of them feel unbearable pressure to do well academically as so much money was put in to their education, especially if their parents aren’t rich. Spending so much on education is basically saying to your kid you are an investment, I want to see a return. We find the private school children tend to have much worse mental health issues. Also there’s something about going to state school that allows kids to experience and be around people from all walks of life. Friends of mine who went to private school find it hard to integrate with anyone who isn’t like them and really aren’t steer smart at all

This is ridiculous. You are judgmental and completely delusional. You reference flimsy judgemental reasons why your child shouldn’t go to state school. You put private schools on some pedestal and all this us about is you trying to ‘keep up with the Jones’. Probably like your parents have by the sounds of it. Drop the judgment about state schools, stop being snobbish, stop modelling this awful attitude to your child because they will pick up on it. Many many successful people went to state school. I was a straight A student got A-levels and a degree and am in a professional career all after state school education. You will break your back financially sending them to private school where the fees DO go up over time. And what if your ex wants contact and drops the money he pays you? State schools are the most positive and reasonable option for you.

This

My experience is that they will accept this if everything else stacks up - and, most importantly, if the school wants your child enough to accept it. Schools don't just give money to anyone who rocks up and says they can't afford it. Bursaries are thin on the ground at 'ordinary' independent schools, as they simply don't have the funds for them, especially not at the moment. Big-name schools offer more and/or larger bursaries. However, they are very, very strict about how they are allocated. In the end, it does come down to whether your child has as much to offer them as they have to offer your child. This is normally something 'special' (academic/sport/music/drama/art). These things only really become evident at 13, hence there's very little money on offer until then.

Leaving money aside, the ignorance on this thread (and most threads about independent schools) is outstanding. I wouldn't presume to generalise about state schools or the pupils who attend them, as I have no personal experience of them. Yet people make the most astounding generalisations about people who go/went to private schools when they have no personal experience of them - all this stuff about how they can't talk to people in the real world, have mental health problems, can't cope when they're not spoon fed, everyone has second homes and endless holidays and so on is complete shite.

I think you are being unrealistic. Save the money and put him in state primary and save up for private secondary when it actually matters more - the best time to spend is years 9-11. Year 7 and 8 if you must. You can get some good saving rates right now.
At primary level, spend 30 minutes a day reading, doing maths etc and maybe some French, job done. And practise ball skills and manners. One to one from an engaged parent is what makes all the difference to a child’s life, not private school. Especially if you have an outstanding option, they don’t just dish those out- those schools are tracked to progress the kids from their innate ability. Private schools are often not held to account.

yep, state primary here kids do

coding
french
latin
music
author visits
musician visits
sang at the royal albert hall
shakespeare workshops
science visits

and all for £5 contribution at most for certain trips

OP, a teacher friend I know used to describe the local private schools as the place where their own teachers (she worked in a state comp) who left because of conduct or competency issues ended up.
Teachers at private schools also don't need a teaching qualification.
I would save some tuition money over the next few years. Then, if your DC ends up being a potential university candidate, throw that money at extra tuition come GCSEs and A levels.
In my experience, state schools are brilliant because of the threat of OFSTED - they have to demonstrate 'value added', will identify any weak areas, particularly in English and Maths, and then throw their own money at tuition, timetable alterations, even (at my friend's school) paying staff to teach extra sessions after school. There are study clubs, activity clubs...admittedly this is all in your DC's future rather than the present, but it's worth knowing that the grass can be very, very green in the state sector.
Falling into the wrong crowd would be my only concern, but this is the case with private schools too - and the pressures there, as other PPs have said, can be remarkable. And imagine being the one who can't afford the bi-annual school trip to Vermont/San Francisco/Venice/the moon.
For me it would be state school with strong parental boundaries all the way! And save for future tuition if university moves into view!

I'm assuming they are keen for people not to struggle paying the fees / drop out halfway, so yeh they'd be wanting to warn people off who seem at risk of this.

Of course private prep school isn't 'neccessary', but I'd be surprised if the school said 'there's absolutely no advantage to them coming here over a state school, it's literally money down the drain.'

"We are currently in a ‘good’ area. I genuinely haven’t come across any decent state schools"

If you genuinely think this, your priorities are all wrong. State schools are woefully underfunded but many (if not most) primary schools have lots of positives even though they're obviously not perfect.

You may prefer a private school education and that's fine, but please don't be so dismissive about state schools.

It sounds as if your main issue is class sizes? Since there are 30 children in a state primary school class, and usually many fewer children in a private school class.

Maybe you could think longer term and research private secondary schools with bursaries, scholarships and/or lower fees, relocate if necessary, and look at the primary schools (state and private) in the area. I would definitely prioritise secondary if I were you, start saving for it now. Much better for DC to move from state to private than the other way around. You could also consider state for KS1 (R-Y2) and then private for KS2 and up (Y3 onwards). Do be aware, though, as PPs have pointed out, that private school holidays are much longer so it's a significant extra expense / hassle for you. It's easier to arrange childcare for an older child or to let them occupy themselves while you are WFH. Another reason to save private school until he's older.

Yes! This! Do you really want your child to be the one that can't afford to participate in trips, extra curricular activities.
I don't think you can judge a school by the neatness of young kids, maybe you visited when they had just had forest school or PE.

@BelleShazzasFeast.
Thanks that's interesting.
I'm selfishly thinking of myself and not op (sorry) the school I'm thinking of is not selective at all and it would be from secondary school.

Grew about private school summation as well. It's all swings and roundabouts.

@Pinkapie @Butterflyfluff

I disagree whole heartedly.
Unless it's somewhere in with extraordinary wealth most local independents are much more wealth varied places.

If you read my post, I didn’t say she said “there’s absolutely no advantage to them coming here over a state school, it’s literally money down the drain.” I’m not sure where you got that.

In my view, the headmistress was being kind. She made one comment about not doing it if finances will be a problem. State schools weren’t mentioned at all.

Nothing worse than being the kid who can’t join in with anything that has a cost because there’s no money left after paying the basic fees.

This is something to consider. Imagine not been able to afford to send them on the skiing trips and having to ask for help with cost for educational activities, or out of school play dates as the children get older.

Also consider if you have another child in a few years, could you scrape the money together for more fees?

It is because people on here generally dislike private Ed.

You need to get a spreadsheet and look at your finances including savings? You need a 7 year plan.

Can you up your hours once LO starts school? Maybe talk to with about it?
One thing you need to keep in mind and factor in is a possible 20% increase on the fees if Labour get in.

We had similar concerns regarding our local secondry. The state primary school was excellent. In your position if there are genuine concerns I would have no hesitation in moving to an area where there is a state primary school with an excellent reputation. You mentioned on doing this you woukd be 'stuck renting' We seem to be the only nation who views renting as a second class option. There are pros and cons in both sectors.

I would think seriously about how your child may feel as he gets older. I was sent to private school. My mum and dad weren’t high earners and I constantly felt that I stood out amongst the other kids. I remember weekends going into town with friends - them armed with hundreds of pounds to spend and me having nothing.

My parents ended up moving to another location where they could no longer afford private school and I was sent to a grammar school. I know there aren’t many left but it could be an option to explore.

@ComradeTrostsky.. I find that hard to believe, not better in what way?

They are usually more homely as well and can create a more cosy pleasurable atmosphere that some wouldn't care about at all but some do.

Many children who are more than shy person reserved do better in a smaller less over whelming environment... Sometimes it's about the experience itself enhancing life quality.

How can you make such an assumption without having even been in the school? And what does the way they’re dressed have to do with their learning? My kids come out messier than they went in, it’s because they’re kids. What do you expect, the teachers to spend the day making sure your child stays looking perfect?

Your child would probably be better off if you invested the money you'd spend on private school. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Barely any smartly dressed

Lol

At my DC's private prep, there are loads of MC children. They are the scruffiest lot I've ever seen. Uncombed hair, battered shoes and clothes 2 sizes to small. Some of them have very faded uniform as it belong to their dad who went there too. I get a letter every other week saying someone has nits and it is always one these kids.

If you want smartly dressed DC, I highly recommend you send them to a state school.

OP did you go to private boarding school?
Have you not been in the UK very long ?
Did you get married when you were very young ? What kind of job do you do? Just sounds like you haven’t had much life experience ??