has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

Bursaries exist at 11 or 13+ but they are for people who are on an actually low salary, not almost 3x the national average.

Absolutely.

I think a pp advised OP to phone around the schools and ask. I would cringe on OP's behalf at the thought of her divulging her 'low' income (more than the majority of the staff ) then asking for a bursary.

we have just moved our s2 into private after a awful first year at his local high school. For numerous reasons it was not the right place for him. He starts next week and between uniform and 1st term fee we have shelled out £6k. Nervous that we will be on the poorer side of the families there but it is what it is

I think you have unrealistic expectations . Nursery outstanding but you don’t agree. So many kids in the local school , yep schools generally have lots of kids. Not smartly dressed? You don’t need a straw boater hat and fancy blazer to learn . You don’t earn much so how can you afford private fees? Yes you collect kids from school at about 3 unless you pay for childcare .

Seriously? A low salary? I have worked in high level jobs with a masters and doctorate degree and professional training qualifications. My maximum salary has been £70K and I consider myself a high earner. My children went to state schools in a poor area of the country. They learnt more than academic skills. They achieved great results and went to university at Oxford and Durham. Don’t let superficial values get in the way of what’s really important for children’s security, well-being and education.

No they won’t. As mentioned previously, I work in finance in a well known private school. A bursary assessment is based upon a robust review of finances, not a meeting with a three year old.

And if OP wants to apply for a bursary, she will need to apply with the father and their combined financial situation will be considered, not just hers. If he was not willing to cooperate with the assessment, she would be refused right there and then.

I am just about as sure as I can be than OP is not going to qualify for a bursary and whilst it is laughable to call £76k a low income, it really is a bit too low to fund a private education.

I know someone who has a family income of over £200K and they pleaded poverty and got a bursary for high school. It seems that private school perception of a low salary might be different to the average viewpoint.

Which school was that? That sounds unlikely, unless there was more to it.

I assume you’re in the SE based on the fees the school is charging. My kids go to a prep school which charges just over 7000 a year and my daughter goes to a secondary school which charges nearly 13. They are actually expensive for the area. Would moving out of area be an option? If not, what does your ex think? Would he be willing to contribute to fees at all?

As for the local state schools, the feel of a place is very important but you have to actually be inside it to judge fairly. Most schools I taught in (though secondary) would be happy to arrange a private tour of the school during the school day. This gives you a much better sense of the level of discipline, teaching style and general feel of the school than pick up outside or an open day can do. It’s also perfectly acceptable to ask to look at the children’s books - you can’t sit and scrutinise them but a quick flick in a year 5 or 6 English book will quickly let you know the quality of the work they’re being given. It’s also important to note that this isn’t necessarily of superior quality in a prep school. Often, teachers are actually better in state schools because they are held more to account and are more up to date with modern expectations.

Finally, ask for results. In a state school, this will be SATS results. If you are in a grammar school area, ask all the schools what their pass rate is.

It is more common to find bursary places at 7+ (year 3). My son sat a range of selection tests when he gained entry to an academically selective junior school, I’m not sure how they’d do this at 3 or 4 years old? We get a bursary.

In my opinion, the school has changed the trajectory of his life. I have siblings who went to private school and I didn’t. They had (again, in my opinion) a huge head start over me. Don’t get me wrong, I have managed to be successful in my career and maybe it has done things for my strength of character etc etc, but my goodness.. life is going to be hard for future generations and if I can do anything to make my children’s lives easier, I will, and I believe this to be one of those decisions I will live to appreciate in the future.

You’re not a snob for wanting the best for your child. Some of us prioritise education over other aspects of upbringing and that’s totally okay.

Good luck with it.

I think OP is a troll.

Rubbish.

Yes a “low income” for bursary reasons is not what is considered a low income in wider society, but it is certainly not £200k. I work in a SE fairly large private school and our cut off is £65k and I am sure we are not particularly unusual.

Nothing worse than being the poor kid in the private school!

It isn’t snobby to want to send your child to a private school.

It is snobby to say that no state school in her area is good enough for her child and particularly not because of how the children are dressed.

@Krystall can you elaborate please under what circumstances to you think bursary is allowed please.

What earning threshold, would they expect you too remortgage.

I understand they probably go quite deep, do they kill at bank accounts?..if two families were earning the same what woud swing it?

You sound so snobby.

Bet you don't want your PFB mixing with the riff raff or the 'yobs' from local council estate.

Private school does not always mean better.

All 5 of my children went to our local state school and 3 went onto uni. (Other 2 didn't want to)
2 work in teaching 1 is about to open a sports club for children, another works with abused animals and my eldest is a support worker. Not bad for a state school education.
You know what I am so damn proud of my kids. They are amazing, well rounded adults.

Absolute tosh - lots of private school kids are from super rich parents but loads are just managing and many very wealthy parents raise their children sensibly and do not lavish rubbish on them. Not all are super-rich and most schools ensure that the kids on 100% bursaries have uniform, school trips, laptops, everything paid for by the school so they don’t miss out or feel different. The kids don’t realise they are privileged at primary age and certainly don’t judge any more than state school kids for whom latest trainers are more important in my quite extensive experience.

What constitutes a "decent" state school for you?

Interesting. A doctor (GP) friend of mine paid for all her four children to go to a private primary (prep) school which resulted in them all passing their 11+ (they obviously may have also passed at a state primary school) and then going onto a state grammar school. We don't have any grammar schools in our immediate area, but there are a few a bit further afield. They have all done well for themselves.

Yes, they do.
I worked in one and they take one per year from reception to year 6. Another local to me start from yr 1.
It’s more common in senior but prep and pre-prep do have bursary funds available - they don’t generally advertise but it’s always worth calling up and asking.

I agree, if you are only going to do 1, do the prep, then a good state secondary. They will be ahead of the curriculum and very well trained to get homework done and able to communicate well, it gives them a great start and they will be so well trained they will just continue to thrive in a decent state.

Not rubbish. It happened. They took financial commitments into consideration. You don’t have to believe it. It was a high school and clearly not the one you worked in.

Unlikely but true.

I've read some shit in my time on Mumsnet, but this absolutely takes the biscuit.

You sound like an appalling snob.

My dc has been to both state and private schools. One of the best ones she went to used to send the children home every day scruffy and muddy. It was fabulous. The one with the strictest dress code was the least caring. They focussed on the wrong things.

Honestly, you are focussing on completely the wrong things. Look at the standard of education, and whether the children are happy. Stop fixating on whether the uniform is beat or not.

You sound ridiculous and horribly superior.

Brilliant!

Exactly this