has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

@Hellzbellz25 ? Did you not read about the minted grandparents? Plenty of flash holidays available in holiday homes but they won’t cough up for school fees. All seems weird to me. I would much prefer grandchildren in an ace prep if I could afford it. Plus nearly everyone tutors for grammars now. Times have changed.

Preps add value in different ways. They are judged on where Dc go and all the other extras and facilities they have. Top ones go to 13. They have everything a secondary would have.

Many scholarships to senior schools are worth hardly anything now. Money goes to Dc who qualify for bursaries and are very bright. Bursary money is used to get bright Dc into a school. At 3, you cannot really pursue this avenue.

Oh I know tutoring for it is big business if you live in an 11+ area of course. My point was that it isn't literally impossible to pass without tutoring. I'm pretty sure mine aren't the only ones who did.

I think for mine it originally was maths, English and verbal reasoning, then it changed and included non verbal reasoning. I think mine always liked puzzles and just saw it as puzzles.

One of mine went to primary with a boy who did 5 hrs tutoring a week for 2 years. He went to the grammar and left at 16 having failed all his GCSEs. I did wonder if he really couldn't pass any of them or if he just did it as revenge against his parents as he did struggle for the 5 years he was there and it must have been pretty miserable.

Did you not read about the minted grandparents? Plenty of flash holidays available in holiday homes but they won’t cough up for school fees. All seems weird to me. I would much prefer grandchildren in an ace prep if I could afford it.

The OP has said a few times that the grandparents will not pay for one grandchild if they can’t pay for all which is fair and admirable imo and not weird at all

Having a holiday home and housing all the family there each year is, while a luxury that most don’t have, miles away from being able to afford 12 years of private education for all grandchildren plus extras that are needed to keep up with the private school community

My personal take is things start going down hill in senior school, so if there is going to be funding gap, maybe save your money for that.

The 11+ isn’t that hard academically. And you don’t need tutoring for CE either if the school is good. Depends how clever you are I guess but I know plenty of kids who’ve done it. From a private school that is, from a state school you’d need tutoring.

Exactly.

The kids at the school by us always look cute as buttons going in, but look like they spend the day wrestling muddy moose when they come out, especially the smaller ones. Schools hard work man.

I'm currently working two jobs to send my kid to private school and currently working on bringing a business to life to try and add a third income stream to fund it. I'm a sole earner so it's on me to fund the fees. I have no guaranteed income but I have worked my backside off to clear all debt other than mortgage before fees started. I am also aware I'm sacrificing holidays and a bigger house to make this work and stuck in a career that does not make my soul sing. However I do it for my child. Short term pain, long term gain. School fees come first then other bills. I can't afford to have debt so it's a lifestyle choice to send my kid to the school. I also dont have savings as any surplus is channelled into school fees. What works for me might not work for you so no judgement here - your kid will succeed wherever they go with parents encouragement. Good luck in your decision making

I guess what’s offended me is your idea of a low salary being £70+k. Try being a single parent on £16k before you start saying you’re on a low salary. And I’m a teacher but need to work part time due to personal circumstances. And also when you’ve said you’ve never come across a decent state school. My kids are at secondary and I’d highly rate their school to be honest. Their primary less so but that was a personal choice not to move them from it when I could have done.

Do you suffer from anxiety, OP? Because your level of fear is disproportionate to the ‘risk’ of your child going to a good state school in a good area. It feels like you’re projecting something else, here.

Whether you can afford private is up to you - but I promise, your kid will be happy and healthy whatever you choose. My son’s state school places a great deal of emphasis on appearance and dress and behaviour, and it’s overbearing and stifling, and all the parents agree they’d rather the focus be on inspiring the kids. It gave both my son and his best friend horrible anxiety. My son’s friend used to carry every school book with him every day as the sanctions for forgetting something are so harsh. Please don’t mistake this for a good education. I don’t. It’s an outstanding school and I find it very unimpressive.

I have a good friend who scrimped & saved to put both her children through private schools. Mine both went to state for lots of reasons. I’d be wary of expecting private in giving them a better start in life. It doesn’t always equate with better exam results or wider experiences. Both mine got better grades & are currently in higher paying jobs than her children (they’re all adults now) I don’t think she regrets her choice & neither do I. Most parents do what they think is the right thing for their child. All I’m trying to point out is that a private education doesn’t automatically mean better. I would add I worked for a teaching union for a short while & some of the private schools I came across had shockingly low standards in what they’d expect in qualifications for the teaching staff, mainly so they could pay them less. Clearly there are many great private schools as there are state.

My daughter went to state schools. She’s just got her a level results which are amazing and is off to uni. Stop being a snob.

My daughter went to a good state school, my nephew went to a private school from 3-18. He is now taking calls for a chain store, my daughter is a barrister. My daughter did better in exams and her degree but had to work to fund law school etc.
Sometimes it’s down to the child.

Stop being a ninny. Your attitude is so snobby. I went to a sink state school. I got 10 grade A O levels, four grade A A levels, a first class Uni degree and an MA with a distinction. I earn six figures in a great job. I wasn’t the only one either, a number of kids in my class were the same thanks to parents who were hard up but valued education and brought us up well I suspect the only real purpose of private school is to keep little darlings away from
working class kids, like the little girl I once was. It might do them good to mix with the likes of us!

The OP has said a few times that the grandparents will not pay for one grandchild if they can’t pay for all which is fair and admirable imo and not weird at all

What is weird is the grandparents paying for flash stuff like horses, holidays and phones instead.

If private education is as important to them as it clearly is to the OP (and that sounds very much to have been inherited) surely it makes more sense to contribute to private education than just doing stuff for show.

And this is the problem with private schools. Hopefully your son doesn't end up in a role that involves decision making on behalf of other people

Quality of education isn’t always better in private. Many private schools employ unqualified teachers, yet state schools hardly ever do. Having friends who have worked in private schools, they can be far worse for actual education than many state schools!

We paid for private and it looked great. In reality it was shit and has left my children with a lot of issues. The state school in an inner city area has been amazing for them. Don't waste your money.

Most senior private schools offer full bursary’s- but some primary do too. Ring around all of them and find out.
tbey will invite him in for an assessment day and will be looking for good interaction, a boy who can verbally express himself, excellent attention skills snd above all en enquiring mind. He needs to ask questions and be keen.

Your area is different to mine. Not all the prep school children pass. It drives the parents mad. The headteachers must hate results day. All the angry parents hammering on their door.

He’ll have to maintain this level
of attainment to keep his funding.

JC he is 3 years old. He needs to play and have not a care in the world not be asking lots of questions about a blooming school, be able to express himself etc etc.

OP I can tell you are set on this but really look into all the state schools and private schools around you, go and visit them and get a feel for them. Unless you are extremely unlucky where you live I would put money on at least one of the state schools being a better fit to your dc than a private one. Look past the uniform, look at the pupils behaviour, how they are engaging in activities, how they engage with teachers, each other, and if they seem happy. Read the OFSTED reports for any major problems, including the private school ones, and just get a feel for places.

Wraparound care at a young age needs to be low key, he would not be missing out on being the next Nobel prize winner because he played after school in wraparound clubs or with a childminder or nanny. He needs relaxation time. My dc were all shattered by 3.30 the first couple of years at school.

You could afford your 4 day week, pick them up at end of lessons on the 5th day and spend quality time with them. Take them to swimming, football, dance or whatever interests them that day leaving your weekend free for fun.

£18k is expensive for Reception, most are more like £10k at that age.

You realise OP you earn more than almost any staff member in most private schools? (With the exception of the Head in a Prep and the Deputies in a Senior too). Bursaries exist at 11 or 13+ but they are for people who are on an actually low salary, not almost 3x the national average.

Also private schools have more holidays

I’m not talking about any particular area. Of course not all the prep school children pass I didn’t say they did.