has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

Im not sure where people are getting that they kick out the less able at Private?

Certainly happens at Brighton College

Some do, some don’t.

Similarly, there’s been countless threads on here about state schools ‘managing out’ kids they don’t want attending.

You sound my SIL who doesn't want her precious son mixing with in her words "council estate children" at school. You're being ridiculous.

This definately didn’t happen at our very well known private school in the South East. In fact I would say many of us knew ourselves we wouldn’t have got into Grammar schools (I wouldn’t have passed the maths as totally rubbish at it). Luckily did well or ok in most other subjects. Just wanted to point out to OP that you dont end up with a super brainy child simply by paying for private school (ive got children who are in the top groups of the class in state primary, never struggle with maths and embarassingly I cant help them with their homework). We do joke at home that the private education didn’t help me! 😂

People are offended because you have described your salary as "lowish", even though you must be aware your salary is far higher than the average household income in this country, let alone with a lot of child maintenance on top of that.

You've also described your whole areas state schools as not good enough for your child, because the children aren't smart enough? I assume you've seen this at the end of the day, my children often looked horrendous at the end of the day, because they had usually had a fantastic day, and by 3pm experiences are definitely more important than appearances. They don't have holidays in the best holiday homes either, currently having an absolute blast in a caravan with their grandparents!

State school all the way in my house (good job as we aren't on anything like your "lowish" salary) and I wouldn't change their schools even if I won the lottery.

Good for you if you get your child into private, there's positives and negatives to every approach and its a deeply personal decision, and obviously some people will be prepared to sacrifice more than others for it depending on their priorities, did you not already realise that?

My DH and I earn quite good and can afford private but we opted to send dc to state primary as we live in a good area with good state schools. I would rather live in a area with good state schools than pay school fees for now at least until secondary. We can use that budget left over for any extra curricular activities. The fees doesn't end there also, you will have increasing fees especially if labour comes into power, you have the uniforms and also the extra curricular activities and a lot of of the students are tutored. My dc got accepted to a very popular private school but when I went for a tour, it was a place that would breed mental health problems in the long run. A 4yo should still be learning through play in my opinion and not doing 2 hours of homework and all the extra curricular activities to "keep up" and also tutored. A lot of countries countries start formal education at 6 or 7 and they learn through play until then.

Well known private school might not be academic. The Op is right that her salary IS low for paying private school fees. Clearly not low for general living so people are making silly judgy comments. I do think it’s low for what she wants but she should have a go. As I said earlier, persuade rich grandparents to help. Preps can be amazing schools. Some private schools are not worth the money so I would spend wisely. The prep should have all the bells and whistles. Not just the basics in smaller classes.

I don't think anyone is offended with you asking whether you can afford private school. Only you know that (clearly). I'm always bemused by the MN posts where someone who went to private school themselves is aghast at what state education is like in terms of class sizes (while simultaneously claiming that even though they went to private school, of course they have a decent grasp of reality 😄).

Interesting that you choose to take a drop in salary now just as you could do with the cash to pay for schooling. I'd just stick with 5 days knowing that your child will be at school within 12 months anyway.

I would save your money for secondary school as thats when the child will really benefit from all the opportunities (both curricular and extra curricular).

At primary level, you can do a lot yourself.

100% agree

What about Grammar, are you in a Grammar school area ? Not sure if Oreo schools Rd value like private secondaries do.

Sorry meant to say, Not sure if Prep schools add value

76k at 5 days, is 60,800 at 4 days....

Plus your holiday allowance, pension contributions and benefits are reduced pro rata. It’s a greater longer term drop in income than you might think. Your firm also doesn’t have to increase your hours if you need to.

it’s a different reality, no less a grasp on it.

That said, considering the current state of, well, state education and the amount of those state educated shocked at the deterioration in recent years, this is hardly something exclusive to the privately educated.

I was wondering how the op had a job paying £76kpa didnt know that their pay would reduce to 61kpa... surely doing a job that pays that much should have the capacity to be able to work that out

Hope they are not an accountant

Fair enough. I was just telling the OP that it's possible to do it on her salary (or less).

From a good prep school you could potentially get into a grammar or secure as scholarship to a private school without tutoring.

Personally I think a good independent prep is more important than a private secondary unless the state secondaries are really dire. Prep schools set you up with the foundation of learning and study skills that you take forward to secondary and beyond.

its literally impossible to pass Common Entrance or 11+ without tutoring. There wouldn’t be a growing g tutoring economy if it was. Competition for the best state schools is greater than ever as the cost of living increases.

if I was OP I’d question exactly what the private school draw is. Reading between the lines I think it’s more for the mother than the child. It’s hard to keep up with the Joneses if you’re not already a Jones.

I don't know anything about Common Entrance but my 4 all went to grammar school without tutoring, so did grandson. I was told I was mad by a colleague who told me it was impossible to pass the 11 + without tutoring and as I was new to the area she recommended the tutor she used. Tutor had my eldest for an hour and said she'd love to tutor them but it was totally unnecessary.

Son and DIL never even considered it for GS.

Please don't make him be the poorest kid in a private school, that was me! My classmates were always off to Florida and Barbados and had mega posh cars and I felt like a right scruff

So Ofsted judge them as outstanding having sent teams in to observe and talk to staff and parents as well as get childrens opinions but you have decided they are no good because the children look scruffy hmmm good basis for making a decision that would leave a low income single parent struggling to buy clothes food or power......or are you really high income?

Why do you think £76 k is low income or even £65 but no you don't earn enough

It must depend on area. The Bucks Grammar School test is a mix of maths, verbal and non verbal reasoning. Maths and vocab are important but you either know how to approach the non verbal reasoning or not. There will be the exceptions that aren’t coached, but in our area kids are so heavily tutored even those who aren’t right for grammar pass and then struggle. The parents then blame the grammar. I’m not surprised there is a mental health crisis. Many parents are their own children’s worst enemies.

My friends son went to a really good private school from 5 to leaving last month, and he has left with the barest minimum in grades, he has had so many chances, small classes, extra tuition etc. My friend has ploughed about £20,000 per year into this private school, and that's not including the following summer uniform, winter uniform, 3 x pe kits, lots of extra school holidays, and a school trip which is usually £2000 - £2500 per year, and is gutted that all that money went to the school.

If she could go back in time she would certainly have not gone down that route, as it stopped them being able to do other things that they now have to save up to do.