has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

I have friends with kids in private school, each year they are tested for hours and the ones who aren't good enough get chucked out. Just because you pay it doesn't mean they let you stay. They often moan about how much stress the kids are under and it leaves me wondering why they would pay for that ??

@WellPlaced I hope your kids never end up in an academy then. I work in schools. Yes, technically private schools can employ unqualified teachers. But in my not inconsiderable experience, they don’t, or if they do they are qualified in what they teach, just not with a teaching degree. I know a sports teacher who has coached at county level for 15 years. He has a degree in Sport Science, just not a teaching degree.

In contrast, my friend’s son is an “unqualified teacher” at our local comp. He teaches Yr 7 and 8 maths despite only having a GCSE in it himself. He got a job as a technician in the drama department but has been given extra responsibilities he’s not actually qualified to be doing.

And considering that the Government has every intention of making sure ALL schools are academies by 2030, unqualified teachers will become the norm, because they’re cheaper, and qualified teachers will be employed in purely advisory or supervisory roles, maybe one qualified teacher for every 3/4 unqualified. Trust me on this one, it’s something I know a lot about.

The child is 3.5
Do schools really offer discounts for budding 3 year old actors or cricketers?

OP I'm a lone parent but earn 6 figures. My DD14 went state primary then private secondary.

I do the school fee plan, I pay monthly and that's about 2k.

Only you know if you can afford it.
Private school at secondary level makes a massive difference.

I had a live in nanny for primary years, lots of others had a child minder for school pick ups until 6pm... but I had to travel for work.

There are so many different levers you can pull to make it work but only you know if you can afford it.

As always on these threads, it's mostly anecdata and generalisations. People confidently asserting that private schools finish at 3.15...mine stays open til 6. Private schools are no better than state .that depends on the individual schools. Good kids with good parents will do well anywhere..unless they have SEN or some other issue which an overcrowded state system can't manage. Private schools kick out the less academic..mine doesn't. OP I think your finances would be ok, though I question the point of dropping to 4 days at this stage. As for the rest, it's all about the individual particular schools you are looking at on both sides and the aptitude and personality of your child. Find out as much as you can. Lots do transfer to private at y3 or y7 so you could do that and save hard in the interim.

@Bunnycat101 A combination of bursary support, a smidge of grandparent support and working it out year to year. I will freelance if I need to earn slightly more (but that’s complicated). One child had a huge bursary so I only paid £4k a year. But bursaries are reviewed every year so I never take them for granted and next year one moves school and won’t have a bursary. Lots of my friends work at the school and get 50% off the fees.

Honestly, if I sat down and looked at the fees in the next 5-10 years I’d probably cry but year to year I’ve worked it out. The academic and pastoral provision is fantastic.

My dc are happy and love school life. It’s worth it for me.

We have very low living costs (on purpose - chose a smallish house rather than a larger house with a larger mortgage) and run one old but economical car. Holidays are camping or going to stay with friends.

The only “luxuries” I pay for are music lessons and swimming lessons.

On the opening hours…. Our school also operates until 6pm. HOWEVER, not all children cope with that and almost none stay that late every single day. My dc stay late twice a week and that’s enough. Any more and they get too tired - this was especially true in the pre prep (reception to year 2).

This

@Userhay that bursary really is very significant then- that’s a pretty amazing discount. I hope it all continues to work out for you.

@Bunnycat101 that bursary is no longer sadly but it made a huge difference for several years. One child still has a large bursary. But fees just go up and up each year as they climb the school and as fees rise with inflation (or wildly beyond inflation).

If I knew then what I know now I might have cherry picked one of the best state secondary schools (somewhere like Pate’s) and made sure we lived nearby and the children were well supported in primary school to be prepared for the 11+. But hindsight is a wonderful thing. As it is, my children are happy and doing really well academically. So I don’t beat myself up about the choices I made that led us here.

no longer, sadly!

This is what I don't understand - if OP wants her son to go all the way through from nursery shouldn't he already be there now? My DD turned 3 in May and is starting the nursery at her Prep school next month but there are children who have been there since they were 2.

I seriously wouldn't waste money on private junior school fees. I'd send them to tutors to get them into the private secondary school you want them to go to. Find the best tutors in your area when they're in year 4 and get them to the level. It's not that hard if they're reasonably bright. It will save you squillions compared to private primary education.

It will give you time to save up for the private secondary fees, which I do think are worth every penny. My son did this and I love the fact he can mix with anyone because he's got experience of knowing all kinds of people. I didn't do the private tutoring, I taught him myself but in retrospect that was a bit mad as he just scraped in.

I work in the finance department of a fairly large private school. We do not consider bursaries for anybody under the age of 7 and nobody below the age of 10 has a scholarship, even then the scholarships are only around 5% for that age.

Back to bursaries, firstly your income would be too high for us to consider it, we also include savings, investments and realisable assets, not just salaries. And if the child has two living parents then we would only assess on both incomes, we are not going to give a mother a bursary just because father doesn’t want to pay fees. Based on what you have said, I think it would be very very unlikely you would get a bursary.

Anyway like most people on the thread I think you are being ridiculous and just the worst kind of snob. You cannot seriously think that no state school in the land is good enough for your precious? We take pupils from reception and the very little ones look like right little scruff pots when I see them in the dining room. Cute. But scruffy.

You cannot seriously think that no state school in the land is good enough for your precious?

She didn’t say that did she? Just that the ones round her are shit.

Well, not reducing your days would seem to be an obvious answer to making private school fees more achievable. (Even if you just save a lot of the money in the younger years)

Although, you've hit upon one of the conundrums of this situation . You really value private school but you also value time with DS. And putting him in an 8am-6pm school won't give you an awful lot of time with him during the week once he gets to school age.

But that isn't clear either is it - the judgement seems to be based only on what the OP happens to have seen walking past. What about talking to parents whose kids go there, looking at Ofsted reports etc?

OP you seem to have a blind faith in private schools and zero faith in state ones. But you clearly can't afford to send your child to the former. Why don't you do some proper research into the state options around you and, if you don't think they are right, consider moving to an area with better ones?

No-one can tell you if it's doable - only you know what all your essential outgoings are and what you have left after these and tax and whether that covers the fees.

If you are willing to prioritise school fees over whatever you spend your disposable income on now, if you have already got savings / some kind of financial buffer in case of redundancy or another misfortune, and if you think you have the potential to earn more in future then it's do-able. But if you are going to end up in debt or if it's incredibly tight and you will be miserable as a result then don't do it.

There is another thread at the moment asking if it's worth it - read that one!

Bear in mind that the fees are not the only expenditure - school uniform is incredibly expensive compared to state school uniform, there are trips and extras to cover and fees tend to increase in increments as children advance through year groups (not to mention that they often rise every year across the board) Then there's equipment - computers / text books, clubs or lessons taught by external teachers (tennis / karate / dance lessons / learning a musical instrument etc etc )... the fees are the bulk of expenditure but not all of it.

@unhw the cost of private schooling goes up significantly in the secondary years and sixth form. You only have one child and with sacrifice may be able to afford private school for secondary which is when the academic benefits will shine through. However in the primary years your parenting input may be enough to bridge the gap. You can read with him, help with maths and English and take him on trips to museums etc.

My three kids have been to private schools their entire lives. However, we have never tried to keep up with the Jones' . I suppose knowing we can may have made a difference to not feeling inadequate?

However one advantage of private schools is their full curriculum which includes lots of sports and clubs, most of which are included in the fees. So there is very little time outside of school time during the term for kids to do other things

If I were in your position, I would use the state primary and tutor from year 3 or 4. This may mean DS has a greater chance of a bursery at a private secondary. Also consider musical instruments. Some may offer burseries for musical students.

It's not a crime to want the best for your child. I think posters are being unnecessarily rude. I assume though you live in a reasonable area and therefore the state cohort will consist of parents who also want the best for their children.

My area is full of middle and some higher income earners. Teachers, doctors, lawyers. But we send our children to the local (good) state. So they're all from solid backgrounds. The uniform may be scruffy but they're decent children.

I also want the best for my children. But cannot afford private education. I was privately educated myself. It was a good education. But my parents could do so without too many sacrifices and I think this is important. We still had holidays and days out. Don't rely on your parents to provide these. It's not fair on anyone.

Good luck.

As a household we earn £45k a year. Two of us. Together. And I wouldn’t even class us a low income household 😂😂😂😂😂😂 it is absolutely bat shit crazy that this woman earns 76k alone and thinks she’s on a ‘lowish’ income. She’s extremely privileged and extremely deluded.
@saffy2
Same with me and DH (£50k combined both full time) MN is a different world sometimes 🤣.

If you wanted a bursary when you earn 65k-75k, you'd be laughed at. They normally reserve those for families who are on NMW or very low income (as in they earn the same as what the school fees would cost per month)

Have a look at some primary schools nearby (more than 2) and have an open mind. Secondary is yewrs away and a lot can happen. The school near me went from 'outstanding' to 'needs improvement ' before being converted into an academy in the space of 5 years. Reassess when DS is 8 or 9.

Im not sure where people are getting that they kick out the less able at Private? That certainly wasn’t my experience in the South East. Our class was a complete mixture, very clever down to those who really struggled and those who mucked around (and some had to repeat GCSE’s etc). Private school doesn’t guarantee your child will be any more advanced (yes there’s less kids in a class so should potentially help those who struggle with focusing etc), and there were certainly children in our class who would not have passed the 11+ (in a big Grammar area). I imagine alot went to private school as the parents knew they wouldn’t have got into a grammar or struggled there and the parents wanted them to go to a ‘good school’ (my parents aspirations for me).

Im very grateful for my education but generalising that you will get a better teacher or the kids will all be more advanced just isnt true. You could probably argue perhaps they will all be better at French as they have probably been taught it from an earlier age, but you could boost your state educated child with a french tutor for alot less money than private school fees!

I adore my children’s local primary - I sat at the school fete with the most amazing group of Mums on the PTA thinking I couldn’t possibly have sent them to a better school. I would look round the local primaries, ask what events the put on, what clubs they offer, what trips they do etc and get a feel for the school community.

This!!

My Sister in law was this child and she really felt out of her depth. Other children would be going holidaying in the villa in south of France, or at the family ski chalet, and she was "only" going to centre parks. She never felt she to invite anyone back to the 3 bed semi in Macclesfield compared to all their big 4 and 5 bedroomed detacheds with summer houses and kitchen islands. She spent her whole education feeling very inferior.

OP, The biggest challenge you will face is not just the school fees, but the trips, sports equipment, clubs, and so many extra curricular activities that private schools have. It's going to cost you MUCH more than £18k a year.

What you wish for your child just doesn't seem anywhere near what you can afford. It sounds like it's going to be a struggle for you to accept, but the local state schools sounds much more realistic.

You could instead put money towards extra tuition, summer science camp etc to bolster your child's educational opportunities.

Sister in law however has been much more greatly affected by having a mother who is a complete snob. It's fine to aim high, enjoy the finer things in life, and want to advantage your child, but not fine to be snotty and judgemental about others and b down on them as being inferior. Perhaps you just phrased yourself badly, but you come across as verging into snotty snob territory.

Oh forget it. I've just read the bit where you think £75k is a low-ish salary. I'm out.

There will be parents on similar incomes using private education, so depending on the school yes, it can be done, and I don’t believe your son would necessarily stand out, especially not if his grandparents are providing a good standard of living for you both outside of school. If it’s important to you then you’re well within your rights to prioritize it, don’t fall into the trap of thinking you have to justify this.

Private education is a controversial topic, particularly on AIBU. believe there are Facebook groups you can join, and the education forums here as well that can provide more information.