has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

@unhw £76k, plus the £700pm from from child’s father? This is the equivalent of you earning £84,400.

If the £700pm is the standard 15% child maintenance this suggests your ex is earning a bomb. Even if he doesn’t want to contribute to private education, what about his family or have they also chosen not to have a relationship with your child?

As the parent of a child with a difficult relationship with his father, I know from bitter experience it might be worth investigating in this than private school. For my son, I’ve had to pay almost as much a month in recent times for a private psychologist as I did private schooling. A cost I’d not considered in my affordability study.

Prep school mums can also be pretty sniffy about single mums. They can be sniffy about a lot!

I didn’t say it was easy, but it’s perfectly doable - provided you’re willing to make sacrifices in other areas (fancy holidays, for example).

You sound like you haven't got a clue about what a decent education entails and what's actually best for your child.

There's plenty who went to private schools working minimum wage now. And there's also plenty out of state schools who do well.
You just don't want your kids mixing with the "riff raff" working class kids.
Own that.

Private school is not just fees. There are extras that add up quick.

That’s a very normal time for school pick up,bmy private school finished ar 3.30 for primary age. No wrap around care either for the first couple of years at least. And how have you never seen a decent state primary? Do you live in a rough area? My dc go to state and it’s the most lovely little school, better than the private I went to!

Sorry, but to say that it’s the “equivalent of me earning £84,400” like it’s some sort of pittance sounds a bit ridiculous. I would give my eye teeth (as would practically everyone I know) to earn even half of that.

It’s telling how you use “riff raff” and working class to describe the same set of kids. I think that says more about you than it does about me TBH!

Not sure if this makes any difference but if your salary is 76k for 5 days then it will be 60k for 4…

OP, from what you’ve written you don’t sound like a horrible person but it seems like you don’t know enough about state schools, the people who teach in them or the children who attend them to make a fair assessment.

I imagine you went to private school and so did most people you know so you’re scared of what you don’t know. But depending on where you live, there are lots of great state schools. Both my mum and my auntie went to state schools and got scholarships to Cambridge where they did better and now have better jobs than many of their friends who went to private schools.

If you live in London, 60 or 70k isn’t a lot to afford those fees if you also pay a mortgage or anything else. But like some others have said, 7 years is a long time to plan and save for private secondary school.

Out of interest, are DS’s cousins that you mentioned going to private or state schools? If they are all going private, I can see why maybe you’re not in the position you imagined you’d be in comparison to your family.

Hope it all works out…

You child doesn’t need to go to private school, for them to learn. When I was at primary, the class sizes could be over 40, with just a teacher, no teaching assistants. Those of us that wanted to learn did pretty well. Our State Secondary School also had pretty large classes. One of my classmates got straight A’s and was accepted into Oxford University to study Law. She’s now a partner at a prestigious Law Firm in London.

If that was how I thought do you really think I would have used quotation marks? Nice little projection tactic though 😆

You’ve probably misinterpreted what I’ve said. I mean that her salary PLUS her monthly maintenance from her ex is a huge amount of money. It’s far from a pittance.

Lots of private schools are pretty average anyway.

School isn’t just about academic results, I get it OP it’s about the ‘other stuff’ but you can recreate that outside of school without private school
costs.

This.

My daughter had a wonderful primary school experience alongside kids from all backgrounds. Primary school education in this country is generally pretty good (I know there are exceptions) and she made great friends.

Secondary schools are a different kettle of fish. My daughter didn’t get into her first choice of secondary school, which is a buzzing local comp with brilliant opportunities, a wide-ranging curriculum, and excellent exam results. She got into the ‘other one’, that doesn’t offer school trips (too expensive for a lot of their cohort) and puts more emphasis on pastoral care than the curriculum. We’ve made the decision to send her to private school now, aged 11, for these reasons. I honestly don’t think she would gained anything extra from going down the prep route from age four… but as a family we would be skint AF!!

What do you mean “scholarships to Cambridge”? Your Mum and Aunt would have gone when there were no tuition fees and there are no academic scholarships that pay for accommodation etc. (I went to Cambridge in the 90s, from state). Do you just mean that they got in?

So your ds is 3.5 and you want him to start nursery at a Private School? Doesn’t make sense, that you are only now going to be cutting down a day at work, to spend with him? Won’t he be attending 5 days from next month?

If you’re going to literally make stuff up at least make it vaguely related to reality.

Yes I meant they got in. Scholarship was the wrong word. But my point is that just like yourself, many people go to the best universities from state schools.

Lol. Both my mum and auntie went to state schools, then Cambridge and are now lawyers. Not remotely a lie.

£65K is about £3500 plus you get £700 maintenance??

Thats quite a lot OP and it sounds like you could afford private school but you are right to consider that circumstances may change.

Thus is so true. I swear I pay more in extras then I do in tuition for my daughter's private school. I'm in the US but I think this is pretty much every private school.

Home ed

No idea - you’re a total stranger. Personally I just want my DC to get the best education available to them and will do anything in my power to make that happen. Put me down for that all you want, I truly couldn’t care less 😄

Nighty night!

How well your child does in school and their overall school experience us mostly down to their natural motivation and aptitude combined with the support they get at home. If they go to an average state school (as did I) but have involved parents who take an interest and provide extra curricular opportunities and additional support they will have a very good likelihood of success. Personally I would spend your extra money on enriching their lives with music, sport, theatre and travel and crucially give them your time and attention and positive reinforcement. Private school is not a magic wand for creating successful, happy, well rounded kids.