has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

Move to an area with good schools. Its a better option than struggling to afford private school fees on a not very high salary. And get a tutor if your child needs extra help.

@saffy2 she’d have to be putting more than average into her pension to be getting Child Benefit on a £76K salary!!

I have experience of sending kids both to private and state. I regret the 2 years I sent mine to private school. It was a lot of financial stress for no appreciable gain. They did just as well academically at state school once they left, and the culture was extremely snobby.

I honestly dont even know where to start with this one! 🤦‍♀️
OP you need a serious reality check.
76k is NOT a low salary.
Do you realise how ludicrous you sound saying there are no decent state schools!? You don't even seem to know anything about the performance of local schools, and judge them solely on the way some of the children wear their uniform.
Also, one of the most telling things you've said is you're not too sure what your child is good at..... you need to take a good look at your priorities. Perhaps instead of worrying about paying for a private education you know you can't afford, you should spend some time actually getting to know your own child so you can encourage and support them in the things they love/excel at 🙄
This thread is an absolute joke.

Impossible. I earn significantly more than that as a single parent and private school is totally out of reach. You’ll be bringing home - what - £3500 a month max. Private schools fees and uniform and extras will be over half that. What are you going to live on?

also stop equating how children are dressed with how well they’re developing. You’re a snob who’s misunderstanding what matters in life

20 rather than 30 in the class does make a big difference. But you can get that in some village schools for free.

You don’t mention what your outgoings are, or where in the country you live/could move to, so it’s kind of hard to say really. Also bear in mind that lots of private schools are selective, even at age 4, and the ones that aren’t are usually “name down from birth” jobs, so you can’t guarantee a place anyway and need to be at leave with state as an alternative.

oh and my DS is at private pre prep and all the kids are total scruff bags, the uniform is polo shirt and tracksuit bottoms. Focus on the kids’ grooming standards is a really weird way to choose a school! There is another private pre prep near us that is all bullshit blazers and boaters, style over substance from what I hear about the teaching.

And your house? I think you’re hugely underestimating the huge social pressures that come from private schools.

You aren’t even close to affording it on that salary.

True, I thought cb was paid up to 100k. But again absolutely hilarious that someone who doesn’t qualify for child benefit because of her high income thinks she’s on a low income and other people agree with her 🤦🏽‍♀️

I'm probably the least qualified person to comment here as I don't have kids and know very little about this subject, however ...

If you choose to pay for private education for your child it seems money is going to be extremely tight. That will be your burden to manage and may mean a complete lifestyle change (smaller home, no holidays, no outings, modest Christmas and birthdays). You say that your parents will pick up the cost of "extras" ... but would you really want to rely on handouts and without being mean, they won't be about forever. Other people have also mentioned that you might not be able to afford all the other luxuries that well off families have at their dispense and this may isolate your child further.

The other option is to accept the state education knowing that there are less financial pressures upon you and more opportunity for a "richer" lifestyle on a day to day basis. This could be a nicer home in a good area where you and your son feel safe and secure, holidays to experience and learn about different cultures, hobbies that develop skills and abilities, and some savings for your sons future.

Yes the class sizes are bigger but there is still a good quality of education in a state school. If you feel he needs extra support then you can afford extra tuition on your salary I'm sure.

Good luck 🤞🏻

@unhw

You really are coming across as an insufferable snob.... soon to be a poor insufferable snob by the sounds of it as you practically burn tens of thousands for your child to wear a fancy blazer.

Talk to the school. There were a couple of children at my dd’s prep who were on bursaries during the pre-prep years. It’s not impossible to receive help and your salary isn’t enough to comfortably cover the fees and extras. I’m not sure how they will view you dropping a day of work though alongside asking for financial help. I would perhaps postpone that until you’ve secured the support you need.

You sound privately educated, OP: you clearly have no clue what you are looking at or for when visiting state schools. Do you know anyone who has children in state schools who could interpret for you when you visit schools outside your own experience? It could help you, your child and your finances not to be so ignorantly judgemental. If someone who knows what they are talking about agrees with you about your local state schools, then you know you will just have to work harder, earn more and make a few more sacrifices than you are used to, to date, to achieve what you think is necessary.

"I simply must have advice. I'm an impoverished single parent on a paltry £76k per year salary topped up with £8200 child maintenance.

I live in a nice area but simply can't put my 3 year old into a ghastly state school full of the feral children of the proletariat. There is not a single decent state school in my very very nice area.

My parents won't help with little Tarquin's school fees but will buy him a horse. What am I to do?"

My son went to state school and my friend's 3 boys all went to fee-paying schools. My son did better than them academically at a state school, and in the longer-run private schooling hasn't made any difference to them. Unless your local schools really are sink schools, or it would cost you as much to move into the catchment of a good state school as private school fees, I don't think private school is necessarily worth it.

OMG. I seriously think that the best thing for your son would be going to state school. Anything to avoid being a massive snob who thinks £76K is a lowish salary.

😂

especially given she is on her own
So having to pay all the bills, mortgage, everything else on her own..

That’s not true a lot of self employed especially construction workers get taxed at 20% on all of their wages and then claim their allowance back on their tax returns. They also pay two lots of national insurance so have more outgoings than PAYE. Get no sick pay, no pension and no help from the government if they fall on hard times.

In the context of private schooling it’s low.

Let's be clear here - I at no point said that £76k was a low income. I didn't even say £45k was a low household income.

I pointed out the difference in take home between two average earners and one well above average earner was negligible.

I suggested at least some households wouldn't be comfortable on an income only 10% over two minimum wage jobs.

Both perfectly legitimate points, neither fit to class me as a madwoman or ridiculously disgusting.

I sort of did. My exH sometimes paid the fees and sometimes didn’t. In the end we were given a bursary but the thing is, my DS only started at an independent school in year 4 and the fee issues didn’t start until year 8 or 9. DS is very academic so that helped (it’s not meant to but I think it does) and there were only a few more years to go.

The school was great. Bear in mind that all independent schools are different and the one DS went to had a headteacher who was very down to Earth and thought that all children should have the right to go to a school where their well-being was prioritised. The parents are treated with respect too - which doesn’t happen at state schools, especially if you have an ND child…it’s a battle.

But it’s a huge commitment for you and it might not be necessary.

The lifestyle thing mentioned above was never really an issue for us. Lots of the parents had normal lifestyles and a lot of the kids were there because they couldn’t cope socially in a state school. I guess we could have just been lucky and DS would have avoided any snobby kids.

You sound privately educated, OP: you clearly have no clue what you are looking at or for when visiting state schools.

I'm not sure she does sound like she attended private either as she sounds clueless about those.

I did ask OP but my post was ignored.

Possibly studied sculpture at St Martin's College.
But she DOESN'T want to live like common people.