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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

916 replies

unhw · 16/08/2023 19:31

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

OP posts:
BelleShazzasFeast · 16/08/2023 22:02

OP, on that salary, you wouldn't qualify for a bursary at secondary level (bursaries at primary level are more or less non existent).

I managed it for two children from 4-18 on less than that. You just have to be clever and do your research. You also have to be absolutely focussed on independent education above everything else.

There's a lot of bollocks on threads about private schools, largely peddled by people whose children don't go to them. For every mega rich child, there's one whose parents are throwing every single penny at what someone upthread called "the basic fees".

Mirabai · 16/08/2023 22:02

Butterflyfluff · 16/08/2023 19:39

I strongly believe that if you can’t afford the lifestyle that goes with private schooling, then you shouldn’t do it.

Nothing worse than being the kid who can’t join in with anything that has a cost because there’s no money left after paying the basic fees.

There is no lifestyle at private schools. Just a mix of income brackets, bursaries, scholarship, bank of grandparents etc.

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 22:03

@Honeychickpea get out of your narrow little minded bubble.
I've worked in private schools, gps do all
sorts of things to pay for private school. It doesn't necessarily mean they are wealthy.

saffy2 · 16/08/2023 22:03

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 22:00

@saffy2 also you are self employed so likely pay less tax

No I declare all my earnings each year. This is literally hilarious that people refuse to believe that a family could live off 45k unless we fiddle the system somehow or we have low housing costs 😂😂😂😂

Mirabai · 16/08/2023 22:03

There's a lot of bollocks on threads about private schools, largely peddled by people whose children don't go to them. For every mega rich child, there's one whose parents are throwing every single penny at what someone upthread called "the basic fees".

Exactly.

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 22:04

@saffy2 but most people on your income wouldn't be able to buy a house in an expensive area...

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 22:05

@saffy2 no i'm just an accountant & most people who are self employed pay less tax then someone earning the same through PAYE.

AfraidToRun · 16/08/2023 22:05

I think you may need to accept that he will go to state school and as such will need to use your energy in managing your anxieties and focusing on how you support him to have the best education in state school.

It's not private school great outcome state school poor outcome. It's much more complicated.

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 22:08

I don't understand how you have high housing costs in an expensive area & loads of disposable income though. A 2 bed flat in my area is 2.5k rent, I can afford my home because I got on the ladder yrs ago. Couldn't afford to buy it now.

Livinginanotherworld · 16/08/2023 22:08

FrodisCapering · 16/08/2023 20:03

A few thoughts as the parent of two children in private school ...

  1. Private primary is absolutely worth it if you can stretch to it. It's laying the foundations in terms of substantive knowledge and attitudes to learning.
  2. Some schools do offer bursaries (some up to 90% for primary).
  3. You won't be judged on how much you earn, well at least by the vast majority of people. If anyone is shitty with you because you don't have a gold-plated Range Rover etc then they aren't worth knowing.
  4. Uniform can be bought second hand.
  5. A lot of after school clubs and sports are either free or affordable.

I guess it very much depends on the individual school and where in the country you live.

Have to totally agree with all of this, particularly point 1. We did private prep and it was worth every penny, laying down those early attitudes to learning and the resources available were superb.

saffy2 · 16/08/2023 22:08

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 22:04

@saffy2 but most people on your income wouldn't be able to buy a house in an expensive area...

We had a large deposit. 😂 is that ok with you? However due to house costs here we still have a high mortgage…higher than my sibling does in the north of the country for example. So our deposit didn’t equate totally to being down our mortgage.
what else about my life would you like to know to justify the fact that 76k is not a low income 🙄

Banditqueen12 · 16/08/2023 22:09

unhw · 16/08/2023 19:43

When I said not smartly dressed I didn’t mean it in a nasty way, I just meant it seems none of the staff have time to focus on the kids properly, in the same way they would in a private school

You seem to have an interesting reality blindness when it comes to private schools. They are often exclusive and exclusionary. The wealthy parents and their children will look at you and your child the same way you are looking at those in the local state school. I'd be much less interested in what the children wear, but in how well they read etc.... a child with the right parental support and investment will do well in almost any school.

Whippetlovely · 16/08/2023 22:10

Testina · 16/08/2023 22:00

If private is really important to you, then don’t do it yet.

Put every penny of the CMS aside and plan your savings to cover 5 minimum, preferably 7 and best case 9 years of fees.

5: Y7-11
7: that plus either starting in Y5 is that’s needed to avoid entrance exams (depends on school) or to add Y12-13
9: to go Y5-13

If you do that, you take away the stress of whether you can afford it.

The least important years to cover are primary.

You’re being silly about scruffy kids. That’s partly because a lot of young kids just are. Really careless, plus given to activities like swinging from bars and puddle stomping. Add to that, a lot of primary uniforms aren’t smart, and a lot are cheap so don’t wear well.

My village is full of parents on your sort of salary, and our primary kids look a total rabble! It’s just how it is.

I completely agree! My son is sent in smart, comes out everyday like he’s been dragged through a hedge! He’s 5 , they do play to learn lots of outdoor play. His TA said to me that she caught him trying to wash his shirt in the sink as he was worried I would tell him off! Now I just bleach them. As long as he’s enjoyed his day that’s the main thing.

Jl2014 · 16/08/2023 22:10

I don’t even know where to start on this one. There are quite a few comments in here that make me think your motives here are entirely superficial (and a bit silly).

Looking to spend almost a third of you income on private schooling is ridiculous. If you have had private schooling yourself then maybe your own ability to work a problem through to a solution is proof that private schooling isn’t always the answer.

Why not look for a good state primary and go private for secondary ? This will give you time to save.

Ultimately you can’t afford it or the lifestyle. Regardless of what your parents the contribute, your child will always be an outsider to the wealthier kids.

Champagne tastes on a beer budget

Honeychickpea · 16/08/2023 22:10

BelleShazzasFeast · 16/08/2023 22:02

OP, on that salary, you wouldn't qualify for a bursary at secondary level (bursaries at primary level are more or less non existent).

I managed it for two children from 4-18 on less than that. You just have to be clever and do your research. You also have to be absolutely focussed on independent education above everything else.

There's a lot of bollocks on threads about private schools, largely peddled by people whose children don't go to them. For every mega rich child, there's one whose parents are throwing every single penny at what someone upthread called "the basic fees".

Being absolutely focussed on independent education above everything else sounds like a miserable existence for the whole family. Most of us wouldn't want to live like that. I certainly wouldn't.

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 22:13

Your missing the point @saffy2. You have money spare because you had a large deposit which obviously impacts on your disposable income. You can't extrapolate that & say well we have loads spare on 45k so others should do.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/08/2023 22:16

There are loads of outstanding state schools you can look up the top 20 in Tatler good schools guide and go and move next to one. Then save and save for private secondary school and ask his df to do the same

Ilikepinacoladass · 16/08/2023 22:18

saffy2 · 16/08/2023 21:56

Not in London, the uk is very large, I don’t know why you’ve assumed I’m in London 😂
I am in the south east though. No not both full time, I’m self employed and we have young children. We live very well, we do not struggle. That’s why I wouldn’t class is as a low income. If we were on a low income I would expect to be struggling to pay things and feed the kids. And we are not entitled to any benefits, which are there to supplement people on low incomes…I’ve used them before when I was on a low income.
people’s view on low incomes really are quite weird and I genuinely think maybe because people just haven’t experienced what a low income actually looks like. 76k isn’t it.
neither is my pretty comfortable lifestyle. 🤷🏽‍♀️ this entire thread is absolutely bonkers. People trying to defend some bat shit woman thinking she’s on a low income when she’s a very high earned 🤦🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

Show quote history

Why are we assuming the OP doesn't live in London (or one of the other big cities? A lot of people do.

No matter how much you don't struggle, that's still a relatively small wage between two people.

Ilikepinacoladass · 16/08/2023 22:19

And when talking about things like affordability of private schools 65k for a single parent is definitely on the lower end of the spectrum..

Daphnis156 · 16/08/2023 22:19

You can't really afford it and it would be wrong for your child.

Shouldigoforarunorhavepancakes · 16/08/2023 22:20

Are you sure you won’t regret pouring all that money into a independent school and then reach retirement age without a decent pension pot?

Nursemumma92 · 16/08/2023 22:21

This is the craziest thread I've seen all day. 76k is a lowish salary... I've heard it all now. That's more than mine and DH's combined income. Obviously we couldn't afford to send our children to private school but seriously?!

To be outraged a school pick up 3.20 is quite something. School is not there as a childcare provider, but as an educational one. Save your money and pay a childminder to pick up your DS from school if there is no wraparound.

saffy2 · 16/08/2023 22:21

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 22:13

Your missing the point @saffy2. You have money spare because you had a large deposit which obviously impacts on your disposable income. You can't extrapolate that & say well we have loads spare on 45k so others should do.

What I’m saying is that our mortgage is still the size of many others mortgages because of where we live. Despite our large deposit.
but you’re actually missing the point…what I’m saying is that a woman who earns 76k which is over double the national average for people to earn is not a low earner…especially given she is on her own and providing for only one child. And also gets child benefit and child maintenance for this child. And also gets council tax single person discount. She is not on a low income. And anybody who thinks she is is mad! 76k is not a low income and that was the point I was trying to make. My own income was never the point I was trying to make. But people have jumped on it because apparently everyone here is as mad as she is and truly seems to believe that someone earning over double the national average for a person to earn is on a low income 😂 this entire thread is absolutely crazy.

Suunnyd · 16/08/2023 22:22

It sounds to me like you would be able to afford it op so long as you are committed to only having one child. You couldnt go on luxury holidays and drive a fancy car as well but id give those things up to pay for a good education for my children too.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 16/08/2023 22:22

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation

I remember having similar thoughts about DS's nursery, many years ago.
The day I looked around they were a staff member down and were dealing with some challenging behaviour from one little boy. I couldn't imagine my precious little guy mucking in and being OK. But he did and he was.

You're child is so little and you are understandably protective, but one day he will be a big school kid and he will fit right in. I promise.

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