has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

I also have lots of contacts in teaching and know its a shit show for many teachers in state primaries , forgetting the pupils and parents and social problems, the interference from Gov and new initiatives, shit pay, teachers at Primary school don't strike easily.

Teachers in private schools have also undertaken industrial action due to pension changes.

It would seriously worry me if such negotiation worked, as it would suggest a school so under-subscribed that it might go bust. You either qualify for a bursary or you don't. You don't get money off by saying that you'll be in the PTA.

It’s not worth financially crippling yourself for OP. I went to a private primary and state secondary and my DH went to private secondary. We both have very normal jobs and most of our friends from school are the same. If you put us all in a room together I doubt you’d be able to spot the ones who did private primary and secondary against the state school lot.

Best option is to get your self a job at a private school preferably accommodation thrown in and get a reduced rate. if you are not a teacher then you could be a house parent/ run a boarding house.

Let out current home to make ends meets.

Same. Spanish with a native speaker from Reception, musicianship lessons from a reception with additional twice weekly instrument lessons from Y2 (cello or violin). Termly performances by each year group. Sports include dance, football, yoga, basketball, gymnastics, athletics, swimming, so something to suit most people. Excellent Sats results, despite a fairly deprived intake. And excellent, structured wraparound clubs.

OP would hate it though, Reception had free play in the afternoons.

Congratulations!

you’ve basically said that the schools that 93% of the population send their kids to are shit with nothing to back that up. Of course people, most of whom shock horror care just as much about education as you, are going to be offended. And saying you are on a lowish salary is utterly ludicrous.

there’s so much more than throwing money at a school involved in giving a child a good start in life.

A little perspective though now coming to the end of my kids' state education - it's been great! I felt secretly guilty (and double guilt as I'm quite left wing thinking that) not sending them privately as both myself and parents went to private schools. Hand on heart my children are both better educated, more rounded and likely to be more successful than any of us. My son has a suite of 9s at GCSE and is prepping for Cambridge, and daughter at 14 grade 8 in 2 x instruments, great grades. They both volunteer for charities, are physically active, and have been v successful in extra curricular activities - one is in a national team, and the other plays in a well-known youth orchestra. They both have lovely friends, a good social life and I couldn't wish for more for them. Most importantly they are happy and kind and decent human beings.

So don't be afraid - your ds will be fine! Most important things come from home and making sure you have a good network of friends with similar desire for kids to do well, and time to do lots out of school. Concerts (often free for kids), museum trips (free), walks in countryside (free), connnecting with nature, and a house full of books (from the library and charity shops) trumps a "posh" school anytime because essentially that is what they stress and value - fresh air, exercise and traditional learning including an appreciation of the arts and cultural enrichment. You can enjoy all of that with your son. Look forward to the adventure together.

That was our experience too. When my DCs went to a private school I knew and spoke to all of the other parents. All were friendly.

Very very small class sizes, organic cooked lunch, indoor and outdoor clothes, clean, tidy, well organised, motivated and approachable staff, and very happy children. Neither of my DC encountered other DC who were disruptive.

Fees were increased, numbers on the role fell and the school closed due to the head teacher's retirement.

State primary was worse than a zoo. Chaotic, noisy, lots of disruption and the youngest came home covered in bruises, due to another child who was out of control. The eldest was bored and begging to be home educated. So we did. Interestingly I found the parents either quite snobbish, or they were the shouting harpies with top knots who would punch you as soon as look at you if their child didn't like your child.

They went to a state secondary that had a much smaller intake, a farm and a new head teacher from a brilliant public school. It was based in a village and attracted an intake of almost 100% MC. My DC were the "poor kids" but they have made great friends and still maintain those friendships.

I have always felt that early years and primary are the foundation years that are more important. Children learn the basics, but also it firmly establishes the right attitudes and encourages a love of learning and confidence that means they are simply better adjusted and motivated whatever later environment they find themselves in.

I'd pay for primary education OP if you can and it's important to you. Later a bright higher achieving child is more likely to gain a scholarship and a bursary.

I haven't read the full thread. However, I do know teachers at prep and public schools who got to send their own children as part of their employment package. If you were in a position to teach that might be one way to send a child private on a fairly average sort of income, that is compatible with school pick ups etc.

There are also scholarships and bursaries for some children.

Or you could move to an area with good/ outstanding state primaries and secondaries that you like the look of (they do exist)

Bear in mind that in a private school the fees will only be the start of it. You would be expected to pay out for expensive uniform, equipment, after school care, school trips, etc etc etc.

Wait until your kids get to secondary when being the poor kid is social death

OP, mine all went to a private prep. On the face of it, all lovely. Class sizes of 15. Teachers knew the kids very well. Nobody moaning about the uniform or 'why can't girls wear the boys uniforms' that kind of thing. Nobody was bothered about the perceived wealth of anyone else - nobody cared (if anything, people would downplay it). Nobody remotely bothered about labels or what car people drive or anything like that. Good expectations re-manners - eg. they had to shake hands with the head in the mornings and afternoons. Classrooms were not chaotic. Bad behaviour wasn't really tolerated.

But ... there were certain tiger parents who were in a different planet. Literally comparing who was reading what on a daily basis - going through my kids' book bags on play dates to look at their books (!). The shenanigans - I can't even believe it 15 years on! Absolutely mental. Putting the boys in for 7 plus exams for super-competitive prep schools. Hours on hours of tutoring and hysteria. You would think kids' lives were over if they didn't get into St Paul's or Westminster at age 6 / 7. It's literally all these mums talked about.

Looking back, I wish we'd avoided all that because it made no difference in the long run. It was too much.

Thanks, but it’s all down to them.

if you cant pick up your dc at 330 whats going to happen in holidays which private have more of

what if theres a school trip and yor parents say they wont pay for that as it wont be fair on their other gc-so he cant go bcause you cant afford it

the fee also goes up every year so how would that work

Where do you live OP? If you give a rough idea, there will probably be people on here who can advise you re the local schools using their personal experience (for state and private).

@3pm my colleague has put her 5 yr old on a waiting list to start tutoring in yr 4. How mental is that a 3 yr waiting list!

Simply because they can’t afford it, and dress up their resentment that some can and do with scorn over the whole sector. Some of course do have a vehement rejection of ‘elite’ education. But we live in a world where it exists, so…

It is almost as divisive as feeding threads.

In my experience, private schools are largely better than state (certainly where I live), because they can afford to be. There’s some things some private schools don’t do as well as state, such as supporting some kids with additional needs, but the one I’ve found for my children is incredible with children with all needs. Even though it’s not relevant for us. It gets excellent results and doesn’t exclude ‘different’ children in order to do so.

If you can manage it, I would.

We can afford our mortgage, bills, food, car,
clothes and holidays. People on a low income can’t afford that. If you really think during a cost of living crisis where people can’t afford to feed their kids or heat their homes that a lady on her own earning 76k to pay for her and one child is on a low income then I’m sorry but you’re as mad as she is. She is NOT on a low income, by any stretch of the imagination. She is exceptionally privileged.
a low income family struggle to feed their kids, put shoes on their kids feet. You know how I know…because I’ve been there. As a single parent to one child…and I was not privileged and I did not earn 76k and I used food banks and I often went without food to feed my child. It’s absolutely ridiculously disgusting that anybody would describe earning 76k as a low income. This entire thread is absolute madness.

Nonsense. My son has got straight As in all his National 5 and higher exams in a middling state school. What have I got to be resentful of? In fact I’m super proud of him because he’s bloody worked for it and not been spoon fed and just had money thrown at his education.

Well I’m sorry but that doesn’t make much sense. If they have money and they can help, why not help you with money rather than the extras? Makes no sense to me

(and yes I hear you, they want to be fair to other grandchildren. But they have different circumstances, right ?)

I don’t personally agree with this, one of my friends was on a full bursary and I’m sure plenty more had help and to be honest not one person thought about it or cared. We were all equal . Same at DS’ school and if I ever thought he was getting in any way entitled like that or spoiled I’d move him! Plenty of his friends are in army houses or more modest and some stately homes and I really don’t think it matters to them and nor should it .

@unhw

I’d say research your private school very carefully and don’t assume it’s better than state. Many private schools are struggling and are trying hard to ‘sell’ themselves. ISI inspection reports tend to be kinder than OFSTED.

I think a good state school will often teach the academic side of things well because they have a large class they need to progress. Private schools are sometimes a bit behind on the latest ideas.

I think a private school will often offer a big range of extra activities which could work well for you as you are working.

Snobbiness from other private school Mum’s tends to be if they perceive another child to be badly behaved or upsetting their own child. I do think it can be quite difficult to ‘get along’ with the other Mums. You are almost forced to be in close contact and it’s difficult to escape if you’d rather keep away from anyone!

Private didn’t suit my DD and she did better in state where she had to ‘go with the flow’. It was less intense for her in terms of friendships and they were firmer with her behaviour. However I think DS might suit private as he is quiet and ‘good’.

@saffy2 what the poster is saying is someone earning 76k in a single income household is taking home approx 4.4k. Which is the equivalent to a duel parent household each earning 33k each & of course they would also qualify for child benefit.

Only if they are wealthy. And in the OP's case they would have to be wealthy emough to do it for all their grandchildren.