has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

“I genuinely haven’t come across any decent state schools”. 🤣

What, in the whole country? Give your head a wobble OP, you sound like a massive snob.

I have no experience of private schooling.

My 3 children attend the local state primary school. It's disorganised chaos on a good day and communication is utterly dire. The uniform policy is ridiculously strict: shirt and tie, itchy knit jumpers, tailored trousers, socks must match trouser colour and coats must match jumper colour. Hair tied up at all times.

Recent Ofsted was "outstanding" and the SATS results are consistently in the top 5% of the country.

There are children in each of my childrens classes who don't wear the uniform, don't own school shoes and do not wear a coat in winter months.

There are children who turn up to school with dirty faces and messy hair. There are children with very poor personal hygiene.

There is a child who wears the same boots all year round since starting school, they are obviously several sizes too big and the laces have fallen out long ago.

There is a child who wore their father's shorts to every swimming lesson.

I could go on and on but you cannot judge a child or a school on appearance.

Young children don't have a say in how they appear, or whether their hair and clothes are clean or their shoes are polished. They are children. There may be other reasons as to why a child appears untidy; they may not tolerate their hair being brushed or the feel of their school uniform against skin.

Their parents may not have been taught basic skills, they may not afford uniform and haircuts or they may just simply not care!

In our experience, these "non smart" looking children are of the kindest in the class with great morals and values. They're the children that others want to be around because of who they are inside, not their exterior.

These children are turning up every day to access the national curriculum that they're entitled to and that is all that matters.

@cheekyduck "Mine were learning French, having music lessons, having authors come in to give talks, access to a huge library, all before they were even 5 at Pre-Prep."

The state primary my children attend does French, music lessons, authors coming in to give talks, a big library...... I don't think that's massively unusual, at least not in the south east of England.

The 8.5k maintenance does make a difference but I suppose it's uncertain.

Without being cheeky, nothing irks me more than privately educated people harking on how its waste of time and how wonderful state schools ( which they have no experience of ) is wonderful.

You just can't make sweeping statements like 'teachers are no better in private school than state'. Some private schools are shit, some state schools are shit, but the metric which you can't deny is resource.

https://ifs.org.uk/articles/growing-gap-between-state-school-and-private-school-spending#:~:text=As%20a%20result%2C%20the%20gap,spending%20levels%20in%202019%E2%80%9320.

I'm not offended but it's not necessarily the best start. Is it really worth crippling yourself financially? Adding stress ? Would you child not potentially have a better start if you could have a couple of days a week off? I think people are offended that you assume it's a better start than their children have had, but it isn't necessarily.

Op you are covering many mn trip /trigger wires here.

Seemingly putting state school down, purporting to be on a low salary and so on.

If it helps I asked a similar one question about bursary a long time e ago and I'm on a truly lower salary with no richest parents and the comments were also extremely challenging.

You certainly do not get wrap around care at most state schools. Some at best. Parents absolutely choose private schools for wrap around care.

This must be location specific

If you can't afford it right now, how on earth might you afford it when your child is older with the corresponding higher fees? 18k now will likely be getting towards 30k plus by the time your child is in senior school; the senior schools near me are already 25k ish for day boys and girls.
Is your salary likely to rise significantly in the next decade?
Its worth noting that in Key Stage 1, private primaries don't really offer any advantage over state schools, other than smaller class sizes.
You mention the extended day; many state primaries offer wrap-around care for a relatively small fee and/or most parents look at using childminder who picks up/drops off at your chosen school.
Fee-paying schools also tend to have longer holidays (typically 18 weeks versus 12 weeks). Have you accounted for that extra cost?
Academically a lot of fee-paying schools frankly aren't that good. Yes, some are excellent, but a lot are - for want of a better word - crap (full of kids that are rich but thick, IYKYK).
Looking ahead, there's also a really significant drugs culture in some fee-paying senior schools, and not just in urban areas (my husband boarded at a major public school in the 90s and there was huge use of class A drugs; as far as he's heard nothing much has changed. And I have heard similar from friends who attended day and boarding schools in various parts of the country and from friends and colleagues whose children have attended/looked at attending fee-paying schools near me).
You also need to think about the wider social aspect.
Yes, your parents might be able to support with things like nice clothes and holidays, but will your son feel embarrassed about where you live because it's not as flash as his mates' houses? A uni friend of mine was at a fee playing school and told me that in her whole time at senior school she never ever invited friends over as she lived above a Chinese takeaway.
Obviously, it's entirely your choice. But if you're determined to send your child to a fee-paying school wouldn't it be better to squirrel away as much money now and put that towards fees when he's older as that's where a private education can make the biggest difference. Anything in which you feel a state school lacks can be mitigated for via extra-curricular pursuits (music, sports, languages etc.) and you'd still be quids in. That'd also give you time to see what he's good at/interested in and pick a school that suits him best and pursue a bursary to boot.

Your panic and desperation is reminiscent of some people I know who have only known the rarified world of private education and cannot fathom how anyone could cope with the horrors of state education.

Agree with this.

I also agree with PPs that have said it is common for GPs to pay for private school. Are you sure they won't help you out if this is so important to you?

It happens in my deprived corner of the north east too.

The average full time salary is just under £30k now, so two average incomes would give a household income of £60k, or around £1900 each assuming a 5% pension contribution and a student loan.

Assuming the same thing on a salary of £76k, that's £3900, or almost the same amount as two people earning 30k in spite of her salary being £16k more. I don't think this is wrong - we tax on an individual basis in the UK not a household basis and I don't have a problem with that. But it does mean single parent households have similar problems to single income households but without the choices that go alongside it.

The minimum wage for a 40 hour week is now £21k, so £45k for a two income household is only a little over two full-time minimum wage incomes - so while it's great that you feel comfortable on that, it seems quite feasible some households won't.

Not ‘offended’.

Your thread title and OP do not actually talk about a best start, you say you are ‘so worried about Ds going to state school’, half your reasoning being that few children are ‘smartly dressed’.

It makes you sound ridiculous (‘so worried’ about the schooling 93% of children experience) and snobby

People telling you that doesn’t make them ‘offended’.

👏🏼

@Butterflyfluff

strongly believe that if you can’t afford the lifestyle that goes with private schooling, then you shouldn’t do it.

Nothing worse than being the kid who can’t join in with anything that has a cost because there’s no money left after paying the basic fees.

This!!!

Couldn't agree more. My cousins went to a private school, paid for by a wealthy family member. They didn't have the lifestyle, fancy cars, nice big house etc and they were snubbed by a lot of the students and parents. They suffered a lot.
I too went to a private school and hated it and we had money.
Each to their own I guess. I firmly believe if you want to learn it doesn't matter where you go.

That's great , but the one I was offered had no dedicated language teacher, or music teacher or even music room, the library was a just a room about as big as a large living room .

I said in my post its a great school, its rated outstanding , but it comes down to resource. I'm not saying 'Prep is better', mine just has better resource than the state down the road.

I also have lots of contacts in teaching and know its a shit show for many teachers in state primaries , forgetting the pupils and parents and social problems, the interference from Gov and new initiatives, shit pay, teachers at Primary school don't strike easily.

That's great , but the one I was offered had no dedicated language teacher, or music teacher or even music room, the library was a just a room about as big as a large living room .

I said in my post its a great school, its rated outstanding , but it comes down to resource. I'm not saying 'Prep is better', mine just has better resource than the state down the road.

I also have lots of contacts in teaching and know its a shit show for many teachers in state primaries , forgetting the pupils and parents and social problems, the interference from Gov and new initiatives, shit pay, teachers at Primary school don't strike easily.

4 kids
All state school educated
All graduated - 3 with 1st class degrees

76k is a low salary? Get real. That’s more than a decent salary.

When I read your op, I thought you were on a properly low salary. not good salary.

I did the same as you're thinking of, wanted the best for my DC, including all the opportunities I didn't get at my quite good state school. I was on about 38K when DC started and the first few months were a struggle, but we've absorbed the fees as part of regular bills now, and forgo other things such as the newer car etc.
Our private has very thriving second hand uniform sales organised by the PTA, my DC has had about two new items since starting in reception.
I know some people say to start later on. Having seen the early start in core subjects and how they're enriched from the start I would choose private from reception if possible, based on our experience.
Are we in a fortunate position that we can pay for it? Yes absolutely. I work a full time job and two self employment jobs to make it work, it's no-one else's business if they'd make different choices.
Good luck in your decisions!

My local primary that is rated outstanding is a great school, but their library was tiny compared to the prep school mine attend, they had scant music , no art studio, no language teachers, no swimming pool, I could go on and on...But I pay a fortune in fees for these soft skills , its foolish to dismiss this as a 'waste of time'.. the price of everything and the value of nothing comes to mind.

I know London has a lot more funding but my dcs do chess, debating, coding, tag rugby, art clubs. They play an instrument & are in the strings club. They do LAMDA & there's loads of additional stuff/clubs on offer. Great library but we also have an excellent one on the high street. No swimming pool but the other primary near me does have one. Authors are always coming in & many of the parents have great jobs in tech, law, media, etc & they are invited to come in & give talks.

OP, with your relatively low salary, your son should be eligible for a bursary. Why don't you call the school you're thinking of applying to and find out their criteria?

I was going to suggest getting your parents to pay but that makes total sense about them not wanting to pay for all the GC!!

I really think you should consider not doing prep school and buying yourself the time time to prepare. Lots of kids move into independent school at the secondary stage.

In the meantime, use the spare money to lay down some savings, get some private tuition to give him a leg up academically invest experiences to give him a leg up socially.

Take him skiing, get him into cricket, travel with him. There are lots of things you can do that will both enrich him broaden his social circle to make a later transition into the independent sector much easier and more natural.

Just to correct you…I went to a comp for the first few years (until year 9) and moved to private as parents income went up (both parents from a poor background, worked their way up and ofcourse had aspirations for private school when they could afford it). I only went to state primary so i’ve had experience of everything.

I loved my private school but OP appeared to suggest you somehow get a better quality of teacher by going to one. You really dont. The stories I could tell would be too outing but there were certainly several occasions when I believe our teachers effort/behaviour would not have been acceptable in a state school. We had teachers come and go (swiftly!) exactly the same as state schools do.
The advantage is you do have alot smaller classes so naturally the teacher has less kids to focus on. That is probably the biggest advantage of private school, although a bright, well motivated child with engaged parents will do well wherever they go. I can tell you thats certainly true of my own children.

I don't understand the connection with how they dress. IME, schools which obsess about uniform are doing that only because it's easier than actually teaching properly. You need to look at results, and look at things like the wider curriculum (e.g. drama, languages, games etc).