has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

On your salary it is absolutely make or break.

It’s borderline on £76k

It’s madness on £65k

But it’s clear you’re really only doing this for the optics anyway.

What the heck is a "more rounded education"?

Be specific.

What is happening at state primary, in state school infant classes, that lacks "roundness" in education terms?

I would argue that a private school gives a far less rounded education. Children have a far smaller peer group, are far less likely to meet children from a variety of backgrounds and financial circumstances.

This!

Tbh I would save for private secondary instead OP. I think that is where the option to go private can make a huge difference.

If you're not joking, then can I please congratulate you on one of the most entitled comments I have ever seen 😳

Completely agree with Butterflyfluff except of course if you feel like short term suffering for long term gain but it makes a big difference m, parties, etc would it not be better to move to an area with better schools

Oh dear 🙈get a grip OP. You can’t afford lr

As a household we earn £45k a year. Two of us. Together. And I wouldn’t even class us a low income household 😂😂😂😂😂😂 it is absolutely bat shit crazy that this woman earns 76k alone and thinks she’s on a ‘lowish’ income. She’s extremely privileged and extremely deluded.

Your child is unlikely to be able to stay till 6pm without paying extra fees on top of the £18k.

You are looking at this all wrong. You don’t choose to send your kids to private school on the basis of uniforms and wrap around childcare. You can get wrap around childcare in most schools whether they are state or independent. And it’s your choice how smart you ensure your kids are in their uniform. it is rarely policed by the teachers.

I have one that started prep at 8 (classic state till 8) and another who wanted to stay at the state school. They both did 11+, one wanted to go to an independent school, the other wanted to go to a state secondary.

You choose the school that fits your child best. And at 3 years old you have no idea what that is. So you’re better off sending them to the local state school until you figure that out. Especially as you can’t afford the local private school! Over half your gross salary will go on school fees. That is simply not affordable and as PP’s have said, bursaries are as rare as hens teeth at pre-prep and prep.

You're having us on OP. £76K or £65K isn't a low salary although given you're a single parent it's not private school territory by any stretch of the imagination.

1. move to an area with better state schools
2. save for private secondary
3. stop being a snob Find it a bit weird your parents are "well off" enough to make sure your child has the latest trainers but aren't arsed about education. #priorities

The mention of her parents being wealthy leads me to believe that OP was brought up in a certain way and would like to emulate that for her DC.

Nothing wrong with that except that prices have gone up so the lifestyle she had as a child is less attainable, before you even factor in that she's a single parent.

OP - I think you might need to reframe your vision of the future. Going to this school will not miraculously make everything ok.

Single parent, paid for prep school until old enough to do 11 plus to get into grammar school. I think it was excellent value for money.

It's because you appear to have judged all your local primaries purely on appearances. That makes you come across as shallow. There are rubbish private schools. There are great state schools. And there is so much you can do at home - in fact, that's the important bit. Substance over style, sort of thing.

OP. Did you have private schooling growing up?

Your panic and desperation is reminiscent of some people I know who have only known the rarified world of private education and cannot fathom how anyone could cope with the horrors of state education.

I chose to send my child to the school that made the best impression on me when visiting. And we looked at both private and state.

It was the one where some kids were in jumpers and some just a polo shirt (not tucked in!). Some polo shirts had lunch on them. But every child said hello to the headmaster, who knew them all by name. And the kids were enthusiastic and happy. Their SAT results were also excellent. It just so happened to be a state school.

It doesn’t sound as if you can afford it.

Send him to a state school, pay for a tutor and hope for the best. HTH

As an aside... do people earning 70k really qualify for bursaries? I thought they would be for actual low earners...

My DDs state school is open 8am-5.30pm... those hours cost you £7.50 a day! They wear shirts and ties on uniform days too...

The thing about private school is it will not just be the cost of the fees, but everything will be more expensive on top of that (speaking as someone who went to one). I wouldn’t want to be spending every last penny on fees because there are going to be alot more expenses on top of that (uniform, transport, school trips etc). Also, the friends they mix with will most likely be fairly well off (I know there are kids whose grandparents pay, overseas forces kids etc so not everyone is wealthy), but a large proportion of kids are.

Trust me, the teachers are no better in a private school than in a state school. They definately do not necessarily focus on the kids more (we got away with alot of naughty things!). Im not sure if you’ve seen the documentary about the inner city school in Manchester (I think?)on Channel 4 (cant remember what its called?) but my teachers at private school, although some were lovely and brilliant, had nothing like that level of energy and commitment to their job that these teachers seem to. The same can also be said for Grammar school. Although im in support of them, sending your child to one does mean you get a better quality teacher.

I would see how they do at Primary school, find one that offers a breakfast/after school club and if necessary, use a tutor to boost them in the upper years of primary school (if you feel for any reason they are not being pushed enough to their level).

You need to sit down and work out exactly how much you have coming in every month and all the essential outgoings, eg mortgage, council tax, gas/elec/water, food, transport and so on. See how much is left. If it is £1,500 a month you can just about do it, if it is less then you can't. Even if you can just about do it you need to think what you'd do if the fees go up, and they will.

How much equity do you have in your property, could you release some. Not sure it is the wisest thing to do but I've heard of people doing it.

@Fallingthroughclouds it's completely normal for gps to pay for private school, even more so if they are wealthy.

Oh and people literally move to my town for
the schools, primary and secondary. Catchments are literally meters away from the school and it is a blood bath every single year on admissions. People pay fortunes to live next door to schools to ensure they will get in.
you definitely could move to a better area to find decent schools in my opinion. The schools here are excellent, primary, secondary and grammars in secondary. My sons secondary school is in the top 20 in England 👌🏼 there are two others in the top 20 in this town too. ☺️ and I don’t pay a penny for my kids education.

Save up for private secondary that is way more expensive, and OP would qualify for a bursary? What an awful idea…

It’s a cart before the horse argument. Prep school gives kids an advantage that
later years can never be replicated, the early years are SO IMPORTANT. We just don't get it in this country, soft skills in the early years.

YES, secondary school is important, but the years 5 to 7 especially are so important for development of life long skills.

Mine were learning French, having music lessons, having authors come in to give talks, access to a huge library, all before they were even 5 at Pre-Prep.

My local primary that is rated outstanding is a great school, but their library was tiny compared to the prep school mine attend, they had scant music , no art studio, no language teachers, no swimming pool, I could go on and on...But I pay a fortune in fees for these soft skills , its foolish to dismiss this as a 'waste of time'.. the price of everything and the value of nothing comes to mind.

I wrote a reply in good faith, and several more posts came in in the meantime. I have to believe you're having us on at this point, if your priority was private school on a salary that while high for the average, is low as a single salary to send to private there's no way you'd be cutting your hours. Only you can decide what you value most, is private school worth sacrificing time with your DC, free time for yourself, holidays, living in your dream house, driving a new car, heck on your budget nights out and hobbies are going to have to be considered purchases. Private school is a sacrifice worth making to you or it isn't, but you can't work part time AND achieve the fees, £72k isn't leaving you much room if any so why on earth would you cut it if this is something you value. You'll also be laughed out the door going for a bursary having chosen to cut your hours. There were more than 40x the number of funding requests at my kids school this year as funding available. I do not know if the time I have sacrificed over the years to get my children to private was the right choice, and I can't name the last time I worked less than a 65 hour week, but we made the choices we felt were best for our family. You need to be frank with yourself and decide what you're willing to do to get your kid there, or let go of this dream, because only you are there to provide this for them, don't look externally for someone else to solve this problem with a bursary or a magic wand, most kids can't have that oppertunity for precisely this reason - it's a huge expense and for most people that requires a lot of sacrifice to make it possible.

This surely cannot be genuine! No decent state schools? How insulting to teachers and pupils, past and present.

And if you are genuine, you can’t afford it and need to get your head into the real world.

You certainly do not get wrap around care at most state schools. Some at best. Parents absolutely choose private schools for wrap around care.

Many of us do not see why primary Dc need to learn with a broad mix of Dc. In some country areas you just don’t find this. You certainly should expect a much broader set of activities in a prep. Definitely better sport, music, art and drama. After school clubs too. If this is not clearly evident, I would not say it’s a great prep school. Smaller class sizes are good but below 16 can be too small. Always check what your money is buying. Better food too and school trips. It comes at a cost though.

my DDs were privately educated and they are definitely ok and so are their friends. All got very good jobs too.

As an aside... do people earning 70k really qualify for bursaries? I thought they would be for actual low earners...

In some London secondaries definitely.

The trouble is wage stagnation & housing costs

Accounting for inflation 75k is approx 40k in the early 00s & 50k in the 10s & now she's paying higher tax