Who's in charge of arranging the funeral - siblings or adult children?

[RH13]

Earlier this year a relative died of a sudden and short illness at 56. He was divorced with two adult children with whom he had a normal loving parent-child relationship.

He had 4 siblings, and they decided from the outset and without any debate that they were to be in charge of all the funeral planning, undertakers, wake, obituary, etc.

His siblings would not let his children have any role in deciding the funeral service, music, readings, photos, logistics, etc.

They also arranged the funeral on the wedding anniversary of one of his children. I don't think this was deliberate but it goes to show how little consultation they gave the children.

They have also had his locks changed and said the children can't access his house without their permission. And they have informed his neighbours, who have new spare keys, not to let the children in if they ask. I don't know if it's relevant or not, but no will has been found.

Is it normal for siblings to take precedence over adult children in these matters? (If so, then I guess it's YABU for this). I am fortunate not to have had to deal with this yet so my knowledge is lacking here. Wouldn't the children be next of kin in his case?

If there's no Will naming the siblings as executors, then the siblings cannot do this. Adult children are nok unless there's a living spouse

Thanks for the swift replies. Some answers and supplementations.

It's in England. He was divorced and had no partner. His children are both female, aged 31 and 28, both married with no kids.

No cultural issues, the family is white British.

No will has been found. I am also thinking and worrying about disposal of assets.

No previous major issues to my knowledge. We've had plenty of family get-togethers in the past and no obvious animosity or serious events.

When I gently raised to one of the siblings that shouldn't the children be sorting this out, the sibling said they felt closer to him, his children have their own lives with jobs etc. and don't need the hassle, and the siblings have more life experience.

I am closer to the siblings' side of the family but can't believe their behaviour. I have told the children to talk to a solicitor asap.

No spouse so the adult children of the deceased are his next of kin. His siblings have no legal (and perhaps moral) right to do this. It seems like very controlling, even spiteful, behaviour from them.

OP clearly states that no will has been found.

There is no will

I'd be interested in what the siblings are siphoning out of the house that only they have access to.

... and not bothered to tell his own children. Not very likely, is it?

Clearly not.
If he wanted to do that he would have made a will and appointed an executor

I’d be suspicious siblings knew there was no will and are trying to profit from the possessions etc before the children rightfully get them. Very odd

Some interesting formation on the rules of intestacy here, OP:

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/who-can-inherit-if-there-is-no-will-the-rules-of-intestacy/

Information, rather than formation, obvs.

They have also had his locks changed and said the children can't access his house without their permission.

Do this quick test. I did it on your behalf and it doesn't show anything for siblings. I think they are trying an illegal land grab. Dont let them.

https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

The children should get legal advice, they are definitely next of kin and in absence of a will the estate should pass to them. Very strange, quite sad when families behave badly over inheritance.

This. Legal representation immediately. Poor children in this. Having to deal with all that on top of losing their dad unexpectedly is awful.

I would have been heartbroken to be denied access to the house. Finances aside i found comfort from just being there

Thanks again for the contributions.

More info - it is in England, and he owned the house but still had a mortgage.

Did the siblings pay for the funeral as that normally comes out the estate? Did he have bank accounts? What’s happened to that? Makes me wonder if they have applied for probabe/ Letters of administration to access his funds ?!

Get the children to speak to the mortgage provider and ask for advice from them about access too.

If he had a mortgage has his life assurance paid it off on death? Someone must be dealing with that

Possession is 9/10 of the law. Get those siblings out of that house asap. My aunt managed to swindle my dad out of his share of his mum's flat by pretending it would be easier if she sorted everything out. He thought she was doing him a favour.

If there is no Will it should be the adult children unless they don't want to. The siblings have no right to do anything regarding his funeral or estate.

The children need to tell the siblings that they are handling the arrangements as their father's next of kin.

Call the funeral director and change the plans to what they want, they absolutely have the right to do this.

Tell the siblings to surrender their keys to the house or they will call the police. Then once in get the locks changed again.

Your relative is talking shit OP. This isn't being helpful, it's a deliberate and malicious attempt to grab assets at the expense of the children. If I were you I'd struggle to hold my tongue.

the sibling said they felt closer to him,

That's a pretty offensive thing to say tbf and even that isn't backed up by subsequent behaviour of blocking the children out of the house.

It's potentially at least partially to intercept post, such as insurance papers etc

Who has the death certificate?

I don't think there are any "rules" about who plans/arranges a funeral - it should be whoever was closest and wants to do it, assuming there's agreement from other family members.

But the siblings pushing the children aside is very odd behaviour. And barring them from the house is downright suspicious.

Honestly I don't know about any life insurance or mortgage issues.

He (and his siblings) are my cousins - my mum and their late mum were sisters. They were telling me all about it so it's not like I have only been told the children's biased view. I was told the siblings' view of things and was presumably expected to nod and sigh, but I couldn't agree with what they were saying. Then I spoke to one of his daughters and it is exactly the case. So the siblings genuinely think their course of actions is normal/right, they're not denying anything, they just think they have precedence.