To be sick of comments about the bidet

[Bidetdrama]

Dp is from a country where they use a bidet. Washing your bits after a number 2 seems to be viewed like a holy ritual by some over there, including his family.

Every time they visit UK or we visit them, there's obligatory comments and questions about the bidet and lack of it in this country. I've lost count of how many times I've been asked how we Brits keep ourselves clean without one and the grimacing faces and adjectives of disgust that inevitably follow. They basically imply we're all filthy and they're superior with their squeaky clean backsides.

At a family party last weekend his cousin came from another city. She and I got chatting and she was desperate to understand the ins and outs of British toilet hygiene. I almost felt like I was having to justify the UK's standard bathroom plumbing set up. Other family members I hadn't met before were intrigued and started gathering round to listen and comment. It was just so cringe.

I used to live in DPs country and used a bidet then so I know it's a very clean feeling. I usually have my call of nature just before my morning shower nowadays so I can still stay very clean. However, this isn't the sort of detail I want to discuss at length with DPs family!

I've said to DP I'm sick of the topic, he also gets asked about how he stays clean in the UK too. They seem obsessed with it though.

AIBU to be sick of this topic. How can I shut it down?

They sound like xenophobic poo trolls

Just ignore them if they ask again. Tell them you're fed up of their shit and arse obsession.

Tell them you don't talk about toilet habits in the UK; it's impolite

Uggggh I think once is more than enough for a conversation about wiping your bum.

They’re right though - it’s is disgusting, if you think about it. Most countries use bidets or shatafs as standard.

Yes but I don't speak for all British people and we've done the topic to death

I’d just tell them we hover over the sink afterwards 🤷‍♀️😆

Ha! Or we go to the garden and get the hosepipe! I'd love to give a stupid answer for once

Yeah just tell them that it's considered impolite to bang on about going to the bog and wiping one's arse in the UK. Particularly if criticising other people in their own homes. Loo roll does the job. The idea is to wash regularly. We don't all walk around reeking or with adult nappy rash so what's the problem? I'm glad it brings them so much pleasure to feel superior with their spotless cracks but it really isn't the done thing to bang on about it at length here.

They reminds me of the Royle Family scene where Barbara ends up losing her temper and shouting something like 'Piss! Shit! It's all I ever hear about in this house!'.

It’s like they are Poo Trolls trying to get you to go into detail about toilet habits. How odd.

Ha.. ! You know I genuinely think that might be the way to go. I mean surely they are just being annoying for the sake of it now. And yeah it’s rude.

Had a bidet in a house I lived in as a child. Used it more for washing our feet in, never used for what it was supposed to be used for lol.

print a FAQ, laminate and give it to them
start with “in most western cultures is considered extremely impolite to discuss toilet habits outside medical settings “

Yep, or washing your cozy out 😁

Install one of those retrofit extendable bidet shower head thingies on your loo.

It really is the only way.

Not all cultures have the same taboos about what is, or not so much, to be discussed over coffee or lunch. All part of the rich tapestry of marrying somebody from somewhere else. Based on the number of times I’ve entirely accidentally put my foot in my mouth over the last 30 years (two non British husbands) it goes both ways. They’ve probably been rubbed up the wrong way by things you’ve innocently said or done too. Everybody has to just let some things go when two cultures occasionally jostle.

Make your first opening words hello relative, my butthole is squeaky clean today.. Get that chat right out the way.. Mil's favourite topic was her bowel habits.. Grim.

Or tell them that you did not want to embarrass them before, but we shower every-time and it’s absolutely disgusting that they only clean their buns and not their whole body 😂

'Next time you visit, I'll leave a jug in the toilet'.

I was born here but my parents come from a culture where they wash themselves too and I grew up doing it. We didn't have a bidet but just used a jug to do it over the loo.

I'm married to a white British man now. I always have loads of questions about why I have a jug in the toilet and people in his family are just fascinated by it or find it hilarious. So it definitely is not nice being in either position.

I prefer the British answer of saying its impolite to discuss toilet habits. It is hard when it's British people pressing you as to why and the insane need to know why i prefer to wash. But some people are just nosy when there's no need to be.

The key thing is choice. No method is wrong. I don't know why people are even interested?

Yeah it is gross but a lot of people don’t need to go after they’ve had their shower for the day. Also we’re catching up with toilet wet wipes

Get one of these and keep it in the bathroom. You don't have to use it if you don't want - the opportunity is there. I do use one. After experiencing the shattaf in a Turkish loo, I wanted to install something similar - but this does the job until I get round to fitting one

Can you just tell them that different people do different things and you don't know what others do? Repeat every time they ask you? Or if it's the same people just tell them you don't want to talk about it.

For what it's worth I can kind of relate. I'm originally from India and everytime I meet someone British who has been to India they tell me about how primitive the toilets are in India, in particular that people use essentially holes (yes, we call them Indian style toilets and many people prefer them because they are good for passing stool and also great exercise for your general health) and how Indians don't use toilet paper (considered as dirty. Most Indians prefer washing with water like in countries that use bidets). Drives me absolutely crazy. Not just that it (these conversations about toileting in India) happens so often but also the ignorance behind it.

You won't believe it but it's genuinely every time something like:

Person: oh I've been to india
me: did you like it? / What did you do? /where did you go? / (Nothing..)
Person: I couldn't believe my eyes seeing the toilets. They actually still use holes in the ground. And nobody has heard of toilet paper!!

It grates. I get it, op. Dont let them make you feel inferior or as if you need to justify anything.

Just tell them due to the weather and diet all brits shit before breakfast or shortly afterwards and shower once they have done a poo. Thats why we eat dinner at 5.30 and not 8pm - it keeps us early to poo

Wet wipes are bad for the environment, and even the supposedly flushable ones aren't really - they might not block your system but will contribute to the foul fatbergs that are accumulating in our sewers.

Us a squirt of baby lotion or scent free moisturiser on toilet paper for your last wipe. Or get one of these , much more sustainable

@FlakiestCornflakeInTheCerealBox

Ive been to India a couple of times and I have never discussed the toilets with anyone - I can't even remember them tbh, they obviously didn't stand out as anything particularly different.

China was a different matter though, and possibly why I don't recall the facilities in India.

“Yes I fully agree with you but we’ve talked about this many times so we’ve done the topic to death.”