To be sick of comments about the bidet

[Bidetdrama]

Dp is from a country where they use a bidet. Washing your bits after a number 2 seems to be viewed like a holy ritual by some over there, including his family.

Every time they visit UK or we visit them, there's obligatory comments and questions about the bidet and lack of it in this country. I've lost count of how many times I've been asked how we Brits keep ourselves clean without one and the grimacing faces and adjectives of disgust that inevitably follow. They basically imply we're all filthy and they're superior with their squeaky clean backsides.

At a family party last weekend his cousin came from another city. She and I got chatting and she was desperate to understand the ins and outs of British toilet hygiene. I almost felt like I was having to justify the UK's standard bathroom plumbing set up. Other family members I hadn't met before were intrigued and started gathering round to listen and comment. It was just so cringe.

I used to live in DPs country and used a bidet then so I know it's a very clean feeling. I usually have my call of nature just before my morning shower nowadays so I can still stay very clean. However, this isn't the sort of detail I want to discuss at length with DPs family!

I've said to DP I'm sick of the topic, he also gets asked about how he stays clean in the UK too. They seem obsessed with it though.

AIBU to be sick of this topic. How can I shut it down?

Just tell them due to the weather and diet all brits shit before breakfast or shortly afterwards and shower once they have done a poo. Thats why we eat dinner at 5.30 and not 8pm - it keeps us early to poo

Yeah - it's basically this isn't it.

While I'm a massive fan of bidets and bum guns and miss having a convenient way to wash my backside while I'm out and about, I care not one jot what anyone else does with their backside so long as I don't have to see/smell/touch it.
Why are your partner's family so interested in other people's toilet habits?!
Provide them with a means of washing their bums when they're in your home and some wet wipes/that gel stuff you put on paper for when they're out the house and tell them to get on with it.
If they still harp on about it then they're dickheads who need to learn that different countries and cultures have different ways of doing things.

I’m left handed and sometimes called

Cack-handed

It almost certainly comes from the very ancient tradition, which has developed among peoples who were mainly right-handed, that one reserved the left hand for cleaning oneself after defecating and used the right hand for all other purposes.

www.publicationcoach.com › ...
What does 'cack-handed' mean? -

Next time they ask, present them with a toothbrush, some sandpaper, and a jar of marmalade. Hand these things over with a firm nod and refuse to enter into any further discussion.

I live in Pakistan, and in my city, like many of the cities in the region, the groundwater comes through aging, crumbling infrastructure and is contaminated by sewage and other nasties. You can't drink it and you have to be careful not to get it in your mouth when showering. So if you want to be sharp with them, you could point out that they are washing their bits with water contaminated with sewage. In that context, it doesn't sound so much cleaner, now does it?

This!

Also, what do people in bidet countries do if they need a shit at work?

What if you are a man, does your willy not get in the way of the front-pouring?

They still wash. If there is no bidet alongside a toilet at work, there will be a hose with a nozzle that you can use to shoot water at your bits. Or, if you are in a more remote area with more primitive washroom conditions, there will be a jug of water.

We just have a jug next to the loo at home that people can fill with water if they want to wash before wiping. You don't need a bidet or bum. I've also seen colleagues of certain cultures take a bottle of water to the toilets for this same reason.

😂😂😂

I’m talking about places like France and Italy. There are no hoses alongside the toilets in as standard those countries, but most hotels and homes have bidets.

Have seen the hoses all over Asia, I would have noticed them in mainland Europe.

I don't think a quick rinse is any cleaner than a thorough wipe is it? I like to get in and then come back out. I don't want to spend too much time thinking and worrying about the state of my bottom. It's not going to be shown to anyone and is cleaned daily. Not sure wetting it will make it any cleaner. If I'm in a public toilet/work toilet then the less time my bum spends in a place that others have lingered the better.

It's loads cleaner to slosh with water before wiping. If you had chocolate on your hands you wouldn't just wipe it off with a dry tissue and expect them to be clean.

This.

You don't need a bidet or bum

You definitely need a bum.

Since I lived in the Middle East I realised how disgusting the British way is. Just smearing with dry paper! Yes it may look clean but there's still a layer on the skin.
I cleaned my boys bums a few times with loo roll just to see and they didn't feel clean.
In the ME they use bum hoses, amazingly clean and quite pleasurable 😂
I got one installed when I returned, and just use wipes if I can't use that, and bin them.

I am seriously puzzling as to how water can possibly remove shit, which is pretty sticky, especially for those of us with IBS and piles.

I still don't get how a trickle of water from a jug would have enough power to blow your 'cares' away. The super-soaker bum hose makes more sense, although maybe something like an ice pole (as demanded by children from the corner shop freezer) but with ridges like a carpenter's rasp tool would probably be the optimum utensil, if squeaky clean is your ultimate goal.

I agree with them. If you had poo on your hands you wouldn't simply wipe off with paper you would wash thoroughly

It squirts water fast and blasts the poo off 🤣
With the jug or bidet I assume they're using toilet paper to wipe the remnants

True, but I don't pick up things or touch things with my bottom, so I am much less precious it. I swear it would be squeaky clean if I used it to hold a knife and fork.

But hands aren't bottoms. Think of all the things you do with them. Now think of all the things you do with your bum hole. Only one springs to mind, two if you're adventurous.

That would be really unpleasant - imagine rubbing your ring with an ice pop!

I love this description! Xenophobic Poo Trolls!

I fancy a name chang e to the above