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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of comments about the bidet

312 replies

Bidetdrama · 15/08/2023 12:42

Dp is from a country where they use a bidet. Washing your bits after a number 2 seems to be viewed like a holy ritual by some over there, including his family.

Every time they visit UK or we visit them, there's obligatory comments and questions about the bidet and lack of it in this country. I've lost count of how many times I've been asked how we Brits keep ourselves clean without one and the grimacing faces and adjectives of disgust that inevitably follow. They basically imply we're all filthy and they're superior with their squeaky clean backsides.

At a family party last weekend his cousin came from another city. She and I got chatting and she was desperate to understand the ins and outs of British toilet hygiene. I almost felt like I was having to justify the UK's standard bathroom plumbing set up. Other family members I hadn't met before were intrigued and started gathering round to listen and comment. It was just so cringe.

I used to live in DPs country and used a bidet then so I know it's a very clean feeling. I usually have my call of nature just before my morning shower nowadays so I can still stay very clean. However, this isn't the sort of detail I want to discuss at length with DPs family!

I've said to DP I'm sick of the topic, he also gets asked about how he stays clean in the UK too. They seem obsessed with it though.

AIBU to be sick of this topic. How can I shut it down?

OP posts:
SiobhanSharpe · 15/08/2023 14:13

We had a bidet at home and found it very useful for the obvious but also washing/soaking your feet and soaking baby clothes or underwear without taking up the bathroom sink.
When we moved to our current home the two shower rooms weren't big enough for a bidet so we got a Japanse style toilet which is great, even if it's not as versatile as a bidet.
But it has seat warming, night light, bum washer fun ('anal shower')as well as a 'lady shower' all adjustable to suit, plus drying and odour extraction. The only thing it doesn't do is play music... (used one in Japan that actually did this, presumably so people outside couldn't hear you tinkle, or whatever.)
i wouldn't be without it but I've noticed guests are a bit wary of using it..

hygieneversustheplanet · 15/08/2023 14:14

I wouldn’t want to shake hands with someone who had touched excrement and had only rinsed their fingers 😫

Peony654 · 15/08/2023 14:15

What a disgusting / boring topic of conversation. I never understand bidets, surely you’re all wet then?

hygieneversustheplanet · 15/08/2023 14:15

SiobhanSharpe · 15/08/2023 14:13

We had a bidet at home and found it very useful for the obvious but also washing/soaking your feet and soaking baby clothes or underwear without taking up the bathroom sink.
When we moved to our current home the two shower rooms weren't big enough for a bidet so we got a Japanse style toilet which is great, even if it's not as versatile as a bidet.
But it has seat warming, night light, bum washer fun ('anal shower')as well as a 'lady shower' all adjustable to suit, plus drying and odour extraction. The only thing it doesn't do is play music... (used one in Japan that actually did this, presumably so people outside couldn't hear you tinkle, or whatever.)
i wouldn't be without it but I've noticed guests are a bit wary of using it..

Crikey, sounds amazing! Mind you, I think DH spends enough time in the bathroom already!

SiobhanSharpe · 15/08/2023 14:18

Agghh. Not fun! I had written function and then deleted it as unnecessary. But clearly only partially .😊
I suppose some people might find it fun but i don't think I'll go there.

Tartareistasty · 15/08/2023 14:19

FloweryName · 15/08/2023 13:53

Bidets are a waste of space but I’d love a shataf at home, even though I have the right amount of fibre in my diet. They are so convenient especially when you’re on your period. I might be inclined to try a moon up if I had a permanent shataf.

Yoj can install them in uk. The only issue is the water can get really cold🙈

AdoraBell · 15/08/2023 14:21

I was going say tell British people don’t talk about toilets etc because it vulgar.

AllyCart · 15/08/2023 14:24

Tartareistasty · 15/08/2023 14:19

Yoj can install them in uk. The only issue is the water can get really cold🙈

Show quote history

That's true!

You can get thermostatic bum guns these days though, although that means more plumbing work of course.

We have bidets in 2 of our bathrooms but to be honest they are rarely used. We are generally in the habit of 'going' before our morning showers so not really required (as someone else mentioned above).

I have to say, once in the habit of going before your shower, it does feel a little unclean when not following that routine. It's only psychological, though.

Tolee · 15/08/2023 14:35

How do people dry their bums afterwards? Toilet paper? A bum towel?

AuntieJune · 15/08/2023 14:42

Write up a leaflet about British toilet hygiene and just give them a copy with a smile if they ask questions.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 15/08/2023 14:42

Vanessashanessajenkins2 · 15/08/2023 13:14

I was born here but my parents come from a culture where they wash themselves too and I grew up doing it. We didn't have a bidet but just used a jug to do it over the loo.

I'm married to a white British man now. I always have loads of questions about why I have a jug in the toilet and people in his family are just fascinated by it or find it hilarious. So it definitely is not nice being in either position.

I prefer the British answer of saying its impolite to discuss toilet habits. It is hard when it's British people pressing you as to why and the insane need to know why i prefer to wash. But some people are just nosy when there's no need to be.

The key thing is choice. No method is wrong. I don't know why people are even interested?

Something like this is much easier:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08PTXBRG8/ref=sspa_dk_detail_2?psc=1&pf_rd_p=84ea1bf1-65a8-4363-b8f5-f0df58cbb686&pf_rd_r=PJY334EEER140V85GP13&pd_rd_wg=JJ0il&pd_rd_w=rbahG&content-id=amzn1.sym.84ea1bf1-65a8-4363-b8f5-f0df58cbb686&pd_rd_r=1c34b803-2fdd-4be0-95e8-d44ea66d1418&s=grocery&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9kZXRhaWw

MathiasBroucek · 15/08/2023 14:43

"British poo comes out of our bums already cocooned in biodegradeable wraps, tied-up with organic ribbon and so our arses are always perfectly clear. Are your turds not like that?"

EveryOtherNameTaken · 15/08/2023 14:44

Just say it's for a number 3 😏

On holiday my mate and I put a packet of ice in it and used it to keep our 'pre' drinks cold while we had a bit of balcony sun and getting ready to go out.

UntidyFairy · 15/08/2023 14:45

spotless cracks

The nearest I get to a smile on mn is registering mild amusement.

This made me proper lol.

scatterolight · 15/08/2023 14:45

It IS quite weird that we're satisfied with a wipe of bone dry toilet paper. If you got poo on your hands or anywhere else you wouldn't think it sufficient to wipe it off with a dry tissue. But somehow if the poo residue is hidden in your arse crack it's fine.

Yet what I really don't understand is people who then don't shower or bathe at the end of the day and go to bed unwashed down there. Bleurgh. Yes I'm looking at you morning showerers.

W0tnow · 15/08/2023 14:47

I love Japanese toilets.

how do you use a bidet? It doesn’t seem as if it’s designed to sit on.. which way do you face? I have questions!

Theres probably a YouTube tutorial….

W0tnow · 15/08/2023 14:48

scatterolight · 15/08/2023 14:45

It IS quite weird that we're satisfied with a wipe of bone dry toilet paper. If you got poo on your hands or anywhere else you wouldn't think it sufficient to wipe it off with a dry tissue. But somehow if the poo residue is hidden in your arse crack it's fine.

Yet what I really don't understand is people who then don't shower or bathe at the end of the day and go to bed unwashed down there. Bleurgh. Yes I'm looking at you morning showerers.

…but you don’t eat with your arse? You don’t do anything with it. Except poo and fart?

Ducklake · 15/08/2023 14:49

floribunda18 · 15/08/2023 13:45

Poo shouldn't be so soft that it leaves loads of mess all over your anus. Tell them they need more fibre in their diets.

I think that might be feeding the trolls.

Just say ‘“can we not talk about faeces and toilet habits today please? We’ve discussed it before”.

AndrexPuppy · 15/08/2023 14:54

I think that might be feeding the trolls.

@Ducklake , I should think they’re full up, given the content of this thread so far.

Chris002 · 15/08/2023 14:56

A house I lived in growing up had a bidet - when we were selling a family came to look round ,they had a young son - who said to his mum it's a nice bathroom they even have a babies bath !! We all had a good laugh.

Jamjarcandlestick · 15/08/2023 15:02

When we moved into our house it came with a beautiful avocado bathroom suite with a bidet. The beginning of lockdown I used it thinking I could be beating the loo paper shortage. There I sat soaking wet not knowing what to do with myself.

Mischance · 15/08/2023 15:03

How do you persuade the spray to clear off the super-glue consistency shit?

Fallingthroughclouds · 15/08/2023 15:03

If you use a bidet and wash your bum, what then happens to your wet bottom? Is there a hand towel and an arse towel in every bathroom? Or god forbid is it the same towel? I'm guessing you just shake it a bit and accept damp pants. Please do tell.

Bonfire23 · 15/08/2023 15:04

Fallingthroughclouds · 15/08/2023 15:03

If you use a bidet and wash your bum, what then happens to your wet bottom? Is there a hand towel and an arse towel in every bathroom? Or god forbid is it the same towel? I'm guessing you just shake it a bit and accept damp pants. Please do tell.

Often a basket of small towels. I use a flannel size one at home