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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of comments about the bidet

312 replies

Bidetdrama · 15/08/2023 12:42

Dp is from a country where they use a bidet. Washing your bits after a number 2 seems to be viewed like a holy ritual by some over there, including his family.

Every time they visit UK or we visit them, there's obligatory comments and questions about the bidet and lack of it in this country. I've lost count of how many times I've been asked how we Brits keep ourselves clean without one and the grimacing faces and adjectives of disgust that inevitably follow. They basically imply we're all filthy and they're superior with their squeaky clean backsides.

At a family party last weekend his cousin came from another city. She and I got chatting and she was desperate to understand the ins and outs of British toilet hygiene. I almost felt like I was having to justify the UK's standard bathroom plumbing set up. Other family members I hadn't met before were intrigued and started gathering round to listen and comment. It was just so cringe.

I used to live in DPs country and used a bidet then so I know it's a very clean feeling. I usually have my call of nature just before my morning shower nowadays so I can still stay very clean. However, this isn't the sort of detail I want to discuss at length with DPs family!

I've said to DP I'm sick of the topic, he also gets asked about how he stays clean in the UK too. They seem obsessed with it though.

AIBU to be sick of this topic. How can I shut it down?

OP posts:
Bonfire23 · 15/08/2023 15:37

@Trixiefirecracker I never need to go away from home but it suggests just water if possible
It takes a couple of minutes but I was getting back to back UTIs and was trying everything

BitchBrigade · 15/08/2023 15:38

Maybe I was using it wrong (how can you though, its not hard to point the hose up and spray your arsehole) but when we tried one, no matter how long I sat with warm water spraying on my ring it made very little difference and I had to wipe anyway - and I don't get shit smeared all over my crack like some people when I shit either.

Just seemed like a waste of time to me when I ended up using the same amount of paper anyway. Don't get the appeal at all.

almostoverthehill · 15/08/2023 15:38

Trixiefirecracker · 15/08/2023 15:37

That sounds very awkward and what happens away from home? Do you have to carry around a bum flannel and soap and how do you dry it?! Special bum towel?!

An empty sports bottle works, remember to fill it up before going in cubicle though!

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 15/08/2023 15:40

Bonfire23 · 15/08/2023 15:34

@herewegoroundthebastardbush you sit on the toilet. Sink your bum down (imagine bringing your knees up a bit and dropping your tailbone) and pour water from the front
It then runs off at the back and not forward as your bum is the lowest point

Can't believe I just typed that out but oh well Grin

Thank you for the idiot's guide, I actually can imagine it now! But don't much like the idea of lowering my bum down into the toilet bowl - in addition to not washing my bum after every motion, I also don't clean my toilet with bleach and a toothbrush twice a day in the manner approved of by Mumsnet, and the idea of accidentally touching the sides is a bit Envy to me. Still also sounds very soggy. Tell me of the bum towel!

HalloumiLuvver · 15/08/2023 15:40

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 15/08/2023 15:05

I do think that 'shataf' is an amazingly perfect descriptive name for it, especially in Scotland Grin

True Grin

BerriesandLeaves · 15/08/2023 15:40

Get them all this book for Christmas
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Book-Poo-Spotters-Guide/dp/0091917824
Say you bought it because you know its a particular interest of theirs.

Janiie · 15/08/2023 15:40

I cant believe folk actually discuss this stuff at social events.

Just change the subject op, talk about the weather or anything. Just say in our culture it's considered impolite and very bad mannered to discuss bum wiping in public.

WeWereInParis · 15/08/2023 15:42

Tell me of the bum towel!

Bet you didn't think you'd be typing that when you woke up this morning 😂

Tartareistasty · 15/08/2023 15:42

As you can sew OP on thia thread, different toilet hygiene atandards are aimply baffling to many ans nwe it explained

Like eating . Cutlery vs hands. And any other differences between people.

But yes, they ahould stop asking you by now

Tartareistasty · 15/08/2023 15:43

I just use tp to dry

IncompleteSenten · 15/08/2023 15:43

Thank them profusely for their concern and offer to lead them to the bathroom so they can inspect your arse for cleanliness.

If they ever raise the subject again I'll eat my hat. 😁

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 15/08/2023 15:43

TheMousePipes · 15/08/2023 15:34

Fit a shattaf, they’re easy to plumb in and so much more hygienic.

Shattaf to get the shitoff!

Sorry I'll get me coat.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 15/08/2023 15:45

WeWereInParis · 15/08/2023 15:42

Tell me of the bum towel!

Bet you didn't think you'd be typing that when you woke up this morning 😂

😂Definitely not. The joys of Mumsnet! DP doesn't understand why I waste so much of my life on here but THIS IS WHY.

jlpth · 15/08/2023 15:46

I mean, it's shit not nuclear waste!

greengrassed · 15/08/2023 15:51

The bidet made my Ds, now a 20 year old, holiday many years ago. He was also fascinated by the 'bubbler' which he named the jacuzzi bath.
He still talks about that holiday!Grin

Notjustabrunette · 15/08/2023 15:59

doesn’t really help with your issue, but I lived in the ME and have since had a shataff installed in the uk. I get questioned by British people about what it is and why I need one.

JusthereforXmas · 15/08/2023 16:00

WhateverMate · 15/08/2023 12:45

They sound like xenophobic poo trolls Grin

Just ignore them if they ask again. Tell them you're fed up of their shit and arse obsession.

If I knew how and could be arsed I would totally change my screen name to XenophobicPooTroll lol.

ThisOldWoman · 15/08/2023 16:05

W0tnow · 15/08/2023 14:48

…but you don’t eat with your arse? You don’t do anything with it. Except poo and fart?

well, and . . . for some people at least . . . . .

OK, let's not go there.

bctf123 · 15/08/2023 16:08

I'd just put down a jug

Tbf using toilet paper alone is like using leaves and being done with it which was ok when our ancestors lived in a cold climate and didn't have access to clean or warm water, but nowadays I find myself spraying water along with the loo roll. It's cleaner all round

ArabeIIaScott · 15/08/2023 16:12

Volunteer your DP to give a live demonstration to all interested parties, with interpretation/subtitles as needed.

Off to google these shite-aff things.

hygieneversustheplanet · 15/08/2023 16:14

Trixiefirecracker · 15/08/2023 15:12

I don’t get that using water is any cleaner. It’s just spraying a bit of shit around. You need soap and a flannel really. Like when you wash your hands under a tap, it’s the motion of rubbing them together and the soup combined that actually gets rid of the bacteria. A bit of water is not much better than paper surely?

This is what I think too!

hygieneversustheplanet · 15/08/2023 16:15

Off to google these shite-aff things.

😂

hygieneversustheplanet · 15/08/2023 16:16

greengrassed · 15/08/2023 15:51

The bidet made my Ds, now a 20 year old, holiday many years ago. He was also fascinated by the 'bubbler' which he named the jacuzzi bath.
He still talks about that holiday!Grin

Hahaahah so cute!

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