To be sick of comments about the bidet

[Bidetdrama]

Dp is from a country where they use a bidet. Washing your bits after a number 2 seems to be viewed like a holy ritual by some over there, including his family.

Every time they visit UK or we visit them, there's obligatory comments and questions about the bidet and lack of it in this country. I've lost count of how many times I've been asked how we Brits keep ourselves clean without one and the grimacing faces and adjectives of disgust that inevitably follow. They basically imply we're all filthy and they're superior with their squeaky clean backsides.

At a family party last weekend his cousin came from another city. She and I got chatting and she was desperate to understand the ins and outs of British toilet hygiene. I almost felt like I was having to justify the UK's standard bathroom plumbing set up. Other family members I hadn't met before were intrigued and started gathering round to listen and comment. It was just so cringe.

I used to live in DPs country and used a bidet then so I know it's a very clean feeling. I usually have my call of nature just before my morning shower nowadays so I can still stay very clean. However, this isn't the sort of detail I want to discuss at length with DPs family!

I've said to DP I'm sick of the topic, he also gets asked about how he stays clean in the UK too. They seem obsessed with it though.

AIBU to be sick of this topic. How can I shut it down?

Well I love having a bidet. So much so that when I started living in the Caribbean I arranged my bathroom with the best shower I could buy in London plus a bidet but no bath. I will be 90 next year and could not clamber in and out of a bath. I had the same set up in London. I am amazed by the negative opinions here. I am a Liverpudlian so VERY English but I love my bidet.

I fitted bidets to my toilets a couple of years back and I have to say they're an absolute game changer. I hate using toilets without them now!

The arse hose is quite a good idea in the Middle East, in a way. But there was never any soap or towels. So people were left with a shit smelling left hand and wet arse. Flip flops and an inch of toilet water sloshing around the tiles was also an issue for me. I used to make my kids pee in a bush along the highway rather than risk a local loo. Once you see a Guinness book of records man poo with a gecko perched on top you never go back.

Buy them all anal bleaching kits for Christmas

Forgive me but I honestly don’t know how spraying some fecal matter around with a cold water hose is any better than a bum wipe. Really? Different if there’s soap and warm water and a scrub involved but a bit of water sloshed on your arse does not mean it’s clean.

Just interested really, but how do people dry themselves after using the bidet? Do they use loo roll or is there a special towel just for bums? Sorry, I know I'm doing what they are now 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

What on earth are you chatting about?

I would tell them our in our culture people find discussion of toilet habits rude and we're much more comfortable discussing "insert something from their culture not openly discussed" eg sexual relationships, women's rights, domestic violence, general hygiene, politics, money , insert any uncomfortable conversation you want.

I grew up in the Middle East with one Arab and one European parent, and considered that having a) a bidet or hose for cleaning properly and b) toilet paper so as to dry off afterwards was officially the optimum approach. I never got the 'You can have one or the other!' line....

She speaks for me. Why is it not standard in every toilet here?

Tbf I’m more concerned that other countries are having such messy shites.

I mean a good health poo (Bristol stool chart can explain for those oblivious) typically comes out with ease and little mess so a wipe with damp loo roll and dry is often all that’s needed.

unless you have an arsehole like grizzly Adams beard then you will need something more substantial to clean that thicket and perhaps some grooming.

With fresh towels provided?

Just tell them due to the blandness of British food, we've taught ourselves to only shit in a morning, so men shit, shower and shave, women just shit then shower! Jobs a goodun!

That said, after being abroad recently I loved the bidet there (my routine was off!) I watched a YouTube video how to use it, which also instructed me which towels were for drying area! I've been looking at bum guns - just need to persuade hubby.

I’m still mystified by the seemingly high amount of shit that people* seem to have spread around their arses.

*medical exceptions allowed

Tell them you scrape your arse along the grass like a dog. Or any other equally daft comment. Or “Asked and answered on your previous visit” “Not this again”.
I like a PP’s answer though, in the U.K. it’s rude that ask about a persons toilet habits. It is rude.

How about having those washlets in the bathroom. They're for use after a poo.

we use a spray gun that's next to the toilet. - also married to a foreigner. Really can't remember how i went so many years just wiping with dry tissue and does feel horrible to me now

I come from a bidet country, likely the one your DH is from and live in the UK and think you are being oversensitive. It is a light harted way to chat about our cultural differences. I get that other cultures are less reserved and embarassed about our bodies than the brits, after living in that country I would assume you got that? It is like how in some cultures people ask you about your salary or about relatives they have never met. I find Brits are more respectful and tolerant of cultural differences from people of non-white background. If you are white and behave in a way that is different from the anglo-saxon or North European way then you are rude.or weird.

img don't do that they are filthy. imagine what people do in them!!!

just needs to be connected to a tank it's not hard

Install a toilet topper bidet.

not only will it solve the problem for your visitors, you will feel cleaner and happier.

loved mine so much I had to put one in every bathroom just in case nature called in the wrong location.

sorry, I now agree with your relatives. Lack of bidets is absolutely barbaric and the modern integrated version is really convenient.

Last point I make on this...do you have tanks in your home? No new houses are built with tanks and the vast majority of older houses have converted to systems that don't use tanks. I've always seen ass showers as a rank idea.

What's different on UK systems to others?

As in the plumbing etc.

Yeah, I can guarantee a hotel bidet is cleaner than my kitchen floor, where my toddler is currently hoovering up her own lunch discards from underneath her high chair. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Good for the immune system, I say!