To be sick of comments about the bidet

[Bidetdrama]

Dp is from a country where they use a bidet. Washing your bits after a number 2 seems to be viewed like a holy ritual by some over there, including his family.

Every time they visit UK or we visit them, there's obligatory comments and questions about the bidet and lack of it in this country. I've lost count of how many times I've been asked how we Brits keep ourselves clean without one and the grimacing faces and adjectives of disgust that inevitably follow. They basically imply we're all filthy and they're superior with their squeaky clean backsides.

At a family party last weekend his cousin came from another city. She and I got chatting and she was desperate to understand the ins and outs of British toilet hygiene. I almost felt like I was having to justify the UK's standard bathroom plumbing set up. Other family members I hadn't met before were intrigued and started gathering round to listen and comment. It was just so cringe.

I used to live in DPs country and used a bidet then so I know it's a very clean feeling. I usually have my call of nature just before my morning shower nowadays so I can still stay very clean. However, this isn't the sort of detail I want to discuss at length with DPs family!

I've said to DP I'm sick of the topic, he also gets asked about how he stays clean in the UK too. They seem obsessed with it though.

AIBU to be sick of this topic. How can I shut it down?

Did you know that bidets are really REALLY good for keeping your toddler occupied in hotel bathrooms, whilst you have your morning poo? All of my children have splashed around in one. And I have the holiday snaps to prove it.

I thought they were dissolvable. But yes I wouldn’t have thought that about baby lotion that’s a good idea

I think we should all get Japanese toilets where its a toilet and bidet in one! Was spoilt by them. But yes best to say its impolite to discuss if you're sick if talking about it

Same with my in laws. They're all curious and appalled by our lack of bidets. They've given us a contraption to fit to the toilet that you can spray on your bum! Haha. I do understand that it must seem really weird to them. Like if we went abroad and there was nowhere to wash your hands after using the toilet, we'd be aghast, wouldn't we?

Does just pouring water from a jug over her bum clean it properly?

In fairness though if someone got shit on them somehow and then just wiped it off with a tissue without cleaning the area with water we would think that’s pretty gross too and would probably have something to say. What’s the difference with our arses? I’m British and don’t have a bidet… just trying to be devils advocate for the purpose of the ‘debate’ 🤣 Never really though about before but what if we are gross 🤔😱

‘your bum’ not ‘her bum’!

If you visited somewhere that didn’t have toilet paper, a bidet, hose etc, would you really not ask as to how you should clean yourself?

And yes, toilet paper alone is gross, if you had poo or urine on any other part of your body would you really just wipe it off with a dry tissue?

The Southpark Japanese toilet episode is absolutely hilarious!

In fairness though if someone got shit on them somehow and then just wiped it off with a tissue without cleaning the area with water we would think that’s pretty gross too

I'd think it pretty gross if someone washed their hands by just rinsing them with water with no soap or any sort of rubbing too tbh.

I don't understand a bidet tbf! Does it not spray poo particles everywhere? Do you just use your hand the clean your bum? Is there a special poo cloth you use? 😂

I tend to use an Andrex toilet wipe flushable supposedly) and biodegradable, right at the end once the toilet roll is clean to feel a bit better 😂

You anus is generally concealed, not on show and not in contact with anything. Toilet paper or a splash of water is perfectly acceptable. A significant portion of the world's population uses toilet paper and they haven't all succumbed to arse-based disease yet.

You wouldn't wash your hands with just running water either.

Isn’t it.

Globally speaking, we’re the cultural oddities, for wiping, not washing. However, surely it’s easy enough to shut down chat about it, particularly when you’ve had the conversation many times before with the same people?

I know in some cultures there is a need to keep food separate and to not mix when the woman is having their monthly bleed. For others the importance for clean feet during prayer or hygiene around toilet if as you’ve mentioned. Obviously this also extends to the meat products consumed.

Basically it is what it is. You’ve married into a culture that had put an emphasis on things that are not seen as important to you as it is to them. When met with constant questioning you need to decide on an answer that feels comfortable and repeat it every time.

Poo shouldn't be so soft that it leaves loads of mess all over your anus. Tell them they need more fibre in their diets.

That’s a doozy floribunda.

Bidets are a waste of space but I’d love a shataf at home, even though I have the right amount of fibre in my diet. They are so convenient especially when you’re on your period. I might be inclined to try a moon up if I had a permanent shataf.

I've heard this argument before about getting poo (or urine) on any other body part and then not washing.
Fair enough if it was on my hands and then touching other stuff, but I'd never be plonking my bare arse on other things after just wiping. I'd not be leaving arse prints everywhere and consequently spreading poo germs.

True if you got poop on your hand and just used a dry tissue to wipe it and left it at that, that would be pretty gross.

I’ve seen ‘smart toilets’ when looking at new bathrooms and they look amazing- toilet and bidet in one with lots of different settings and options. Would be great for care homes especially.

If you got poop or urine on your hand and just ran a bit of water over it that would be pretty gross too.

Unless the bidet in question has some serious jet-wash strength (and in my experience they don't but maybe I have just experienced bidets of low quality), it's not actually cleaning anything. Rinsing isn't cleaning. Neither is wiping, but let's not pretend that a bidet is going to get your arse sparkling clean and toilet paper will leave it an unholy mess.

They're both perfectly adequate options, I don't know why it's so controversial.

"Oh, do you not shower after your morning shit? How unfortunate. Perhaps you should look at your diet. It's not normal to have to do messy poos unpredictably through the day".

Whether it's true or not, whether you believe it or not, just keep expressing deep concern for their bowel health and suggest supplements or remedies. Turn it back on them.

Well this is educational. I always assumed bidet use involved soap half way through!

But they aren't asking how to clean themselves. This isn't their first visit and they've asked "could you let me know where the bidet is". This is going on about it at every visit as if it's a new thing they've just found out.

And no I wouldn't just wipe my hand, but I don't eat with my bum, or shake hands, or touch anything. So it's not really the same. I mean, a bidet isn't washing to the same standard as a proper hand wash either. It's cleaner, but it's not germ free. If I got poo on my hand and just ran it under the shower hose, that wouldn't be satisfactory either.

I don't eat with my bum

For most of us it does.