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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DH didn't plan for DS's first day of school?

404 replies

AttackCherubim · 15/08/2023 11:33

DS starts school tomorrow.
DH works in IT for a large company with multiple offices across the country.
They put a new program in place over the weekend but discovered Monday it wasn't working properly.
DH is now claiming he might need to miss DS's first day to work to fix it.
I am annoyed, and he accused me of "minimising his job"

I pointed out that he has had months to book annual leave, there are more than just him and his team, and if my friends husband can make it back from army deployment for their child's first day, he can take the morning off work.
AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Mummy08m · 15/08/2023 11:36

Genuine q because my dd isn't school age yet - why does your dh have to be there for the first day? Do they need to meet both parents or something?

PensionPuzzle · 15/08/2023 11:36

I'm missing my DD's first day, I'm a teacher so no annual leave, what would you say to me about that? And all the other children who won't have both parents waving them off and making a big fuss about something which would be much better done low-key anyway?

CMOTDibbler · 15/08/2023 11:36

Honestly, I couldn't get too worked up about it. First day at school really is made to be more than it actually is imo.

LadyPenelope68 · 15/08/2023 11:37

I think you’re making a bigger deal out of this than it is. Taking a full day of annual leave just for first day of school to be there for 10 minutes? Doesn’t need both of you there.

Peachespeachesohpeaches · 15/08/2023 11:38

Er, I went to work on DDs first day. I dropped her off, had a tiny cry and carried on. DH was at work. I didn't know you were meant to make a massive performance about it.

user1471517900 · 15/08/2023 11:38

Would he really need to take a whole morning off anyway? Could he not just start a touch later?

Doyoureallyhavetoask · 15/08/2023 11:38

I don't understand why he has to be around for this?

Monkeytapper · 15/08/2023 11:38

It’s not a massive deal, my husband was working for both my kids first day and they’re fine

TVstolemyevenings · 15/08/2023 11:38

Trust me you will want him to save his annual leave for school holidays/sick days etc.

Do you work? Because if your household is relying on his income then he is absolutely right to prioritise that.

Also I’ve put four kids though school and there has only ever been one person present on their first day and one year it was a grandparent. Tbh the less fuss the better for the child as otherwise they can really struggle with feeling overwhelmed by it all

So YABU and a bit PFB so give your DH a break.

Original poster
AttackCherubim · 15/08/2023 11:39

Too much of a drip feed, DS is autistic, and we have to fight to get him his place in the specialist school.
It is a major milestone for him, we do not know how he will cope and being heavily pregnant I could use DHs help

OP posts:
HarrietJet · 15/08/2023 11:39

Not remotely a big deal.

JenWillsiam · 15/08/2023 11:39

YABU.

coreas · 15/08/2023 11:39

I pointed out that he has had months to book annual leave,

He probably thought it was excessive. I certainly would. We just took our DC to their first days depending on who was at work and who was off. The less fuss the better imo.

BoohooWoohoo · 15/08/2023 11:39

Can he pick up ds instead ?

JenWillsiam · 15/08/2023 11:40

AttackCherubim · 15/08/2023 11:39

Too much of a drip feed, DS is autistic, and we have to fight to get him his place in the specialist school.
It is a major milestone for him, we do not know how he will cope and being heavily pregnant I could use DHs help

How does him being there impact any of this? Help with what?

TomatoSandwiches · 15/08/2023 11:40

YANBU

YourNameGoesHere · 15/08/2023 11:40

Even with the drip feed I still don't think it's a huge deal. Honestly whilst lovely if he can do the drop off with you it's not the end of the world if he can't, sometimes things happen and taking annual leave for it sounds bonkers.

HarrietJet · 15/08/2023 11:40

AttackCherubim · 15/08/2023 11:39

Too much of a drip feed, DS is autistic, and we have to fight to get him his place in the specialist school.
It is a major milestone for him, we do not know how he will cope and being heavily pregnant I could use DHs help

Help with what, though? Whether he copes well or not, the staff will be there to manage him, you won't be expected (or indeed allowed) to stay?

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 15/08/2023 11:41

AttackCherubim · 15/08/2023 11:39

Too much of a drip feed, DS is autistic, and we have to fight to get him his place in the specialist school.
It is a major milestone for him, we do not know how he will cope and being heavily pregnant I could use DHs help

But what if you need help on the other mornings too?

Spendonsend · 15/08/2023 11:41

This isnt a big deal. Its cute for the parent to see but its better to save annual leave for things important to your child.

BoohooWoohoo · 15/08/2023 11:41

There will be a first time that he takes ds to school. I understand that you could do with the moral support and this is one of many difficult situations that you've tackled so 💐

lunaalice · 15/08/2023 11:41

DH is military so missed most school related things. Although if he could be there but wasn't that would be different.

I took my friends son to school for his first day. She went to the dentist. I was a bit 😳 but it was her 3rd 😂😂

coreas · 15/08/2023 11:41

AttackCherubim · 15/08/2023 11:39

Too much of a drip feed, DS is autistic, and we have to fight to get him his place in the specialist school.
It is a major milestone for him, we do not know how he will cope and being heavily pregnant I could use DHs help

You are right; it is too much of a drip feed.

So much so that I think you have added events to the situation because no one is agreeing with you so far.

Why on earth would you leave all that information out? Clearly having a disabled child makes a massive difference.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/08/2023 11:42

I really don’t think both parents need to be present for his first day of school. Either one of you is sufficient. Some kids will be brought be grandparents or a child carer if their parents both work in jobs where you can’t take the time off, eg a teacher.

In fact I think it’s probably better if you aren’t both there - the last thing the child needs is it built into a huge big deal. It’ll just make them nervous, taking it in your stride is what is needed. Loads of pictures, parents in tears, making it into a huge event is all counterproductive to your child having a smooth first day.

3luckystars · 15/08/2023 11:42

Fair enough you actually needed him there but if he has to work, he has to work.

Where in the name of God are you if school is starting tomorrow and it’s not even half way through August?