To be annoyed that DH didn't plan for DS's first day of school?

[AttackCherubim]

DS starts school tomorrow.
DH works in IT for a large company with multiple offices across the country.
They put a new program in place over the weekend but discovered Monday it wasn't working properly.
DH is now claiming he might need to miss DS's first day to work to fix it.
I am annoyed, and he accused me of "minimising his job"

I pointed out that he has had months to book annual leave, there are more than just him and his team, and if my friends husband can make it back from army deployment for their child's first day, he can take the morning off work.
AIBU to be annoyed?

Can you imagine the amount of parents requesting annual leave it everyone was present for their child's first day of schools?!

One parent is enough.

I’ll go against the grain and say I agree with you.

Both me and my husband have booked the day off for my sons first day tomorrow. In fact, we have other families coming to wave him off too. Also - don’t kids finish at mid day on the first day? My son does so we are doing a family lunch to celebrate.

I thought all first semesters started in September, even in Europe and the USA. Apologies. I must be a bit thick!!

What about colleges and universities? why did I think they all started in September?

I’m in Ireland and the last few years they have been edging more and more in to August, which I think is lousy, but the 15th of August, it’s still summer!

Where in the name of God are you if school is starting tomorrow and it’s not even half way through August?
Tomorrow is halfway through August

Almost all of Scotland goes back midway through August

Help running after him as I struggle right now and he is a bolter
But again, what happens on the other days? Your dh can't be there at every drop off and pick up, so you really need to put some other measures in place.

My DH wasn’t at either DCs first day, there was one DF there as far as I’m aware, pain the arse videoing the whole thing (pre mobile phone videoing, big camcorder), getting in the way and very performative.

Why take annual leave for a 20 minute thing?

What will be different in day 2, 3, 4? Can you ask GP's for help?

Had you discussed pick up and drop off arrangements before this morning? I think you need to establish a routine before DC2 arrives.

I think you’re making a big deal. That’s a waste of a day off, and it’s too late now anyway.

Sorry sent too soon, your problems getting DS into school is not going to end after tomorrow, start as you mean to go on.

So is he going the be there every morning then because surely that's an ongoing issue that you both really need to make alternative provisions for.

I think keeping it low fuss is best. And surely have to handle drop off and pick ups for the next day, and the many days after that?

Gosh. Your extended family has taken leave for this? Sounds quite a performance.

when ds started school it was chaos with so many families making it into a family outing. All the extra adults milling around is what made it so much harder for DS going in.

it may be nice for the parents to be there but realistically it doesn’t help most children at all!

"Help running after him as I struggle right now and he is a bolter"

Yes, but that would be hard pregnant or with a newborn and you won't know how the day is going to go until you're doing it.

My dad worked abroad a lot throughout my entire childhood. He missed my first day of school and I still remember it. I had a little corkboard in my room growing up and for a long time I had the letter he wrote me about my first day (as if that would make up for it). It hurts when your father prioritises their job over you when it can be avoided. Also you can say ok they're working and you need money etc etc but children don't understand that, they just remember you weren't there.

Is there anybody else that can go with you ?

Bloody hell...

Exactly. I understand it's daunting, but DH being there isn't going to help as the problems you have need realistic solutions, and it's not realistic to expect DH to be there for every drop off.

That's a massive drip feed, but I think you're still BU. The milestone was the day he was accepted into the school. Lots of parents aren't there for the first day.

I hope it all goes well.

I am assuming because its a special needs school there won't be a lot of new starts can maybe a member of staff maybe come to the car ?

D

So is DH doing all other drop offs and pick ups?

What measures have the school put in place for his first day? They would need some plan surely? I have one with SN who changed schools when older. We all knew it wasn’t going to go well and new school put in a plan for a (absolutely, lovely, wonderful) really big burley helper to discretely shadow from the gate, and a route worked out for them to ‘assist’ and bypass students/assembly to get them into the class in advance if necessary. Ended up being necessary and the guy took him in a big bear hug and locked themselves in the classroom (glass windows for anyone thinking he was untoward). He was of huge assistance in my child’s first year there settling in, and then contact decreased as was needed less and less but my child ended up keeping in touch and invited them to their 21st!

So how is he getting to school after his first day? Surely your husband cant miss every morning?

Too much of a drip feed, DS is autistic, and we have to fight to get him his place in the specialist school

DD has substantial SEN and also went to a special school. I just, um, drove her there myself. I also had a toddler, I took her with me too. DH was at work.
Neither of us gave it a second thought. Maybe things are different nowadays.