MIL taking my daughter to lake waterpark

[YorkshireLucy]

So, my DH has taken my children (16 and 13) to visit her for a few days.

I had a message from my 16 year old panicking because grandma has booked a day at a lake doing watersports.

My DD has just had her ears pierced (seconds and tragus so 3 altogether). She was told not to go swimming in the first few weeks and to be careful for a couple of months after that. It is less than two weeks since she had them done. She should especially avoid open water.

Now, grandma has told her she WILL go and she WILL enjoy herself because she's paid over £90 for this.

I'm fuming. She never mentioned this and never asked them to pack swimwear. She's told them to put an old T-shirt and pants on under a wetsuit? They only have nice new clothes with them that will get ruined!

For context my MIL has form for this. She's quite controlling and a bit of a bully. Constantly makes my children feel like crap. She's passive aggressive with me which is why I personally refuse to see her now. But hubby insisted on this trip.

I get she's paid for a fun activity but has completely disregarded my daughters feelings and worries about this. What if her ears get caught on a helmet or worse get infected?

As for my husband, I'll be speaking to him before they go. Can't believe he's not stuck up for her or said anything (well I can, but that's another story). He knows she shouldn't be getting her piercings wet through swimming/activities like this.

AIBU to not want to let them go?

I would imagine it would be a glorious all over body wetsuit encapsulated blood marinade for some. SO much fun to manage at a water park. Are you honestly not aware of any experience beyond your own?

It matters not as I don’t think the poor woman has raised this as an issue. What she actually did was say she didn’t want to wet her newly pierced ears as then contacted her Mum when her Dad and Gran tried to force her.

Erm... exactly. I was agreeing that canoeing wasn't likely to get you wet as you don't need capsize drills in the same way....

I dont wish to be rude, but how have I got to my age and not known that periods stop in the swimming pool, is this really true? Im not sure that I could ever bring myself to test it and Im sure that ive heard of girls getting out of the pool and having to grab a towel to cover up their period starting. Is it really a thing that periods stop in the swimming pool? coz I really need to know this.

cups) in water?Even if your period tends to be light, tampons and menstrual cups can save you when you exit the water. “The second you come out of the water your period will start flowing again,” says Dr. Haughton. “And then you could have a stain on your bathing suit.”
They also come in handy if you tend to have a lot of blood clots (there's no guarantee that water pressure will counteract an actual clot, versus drops of blood).

No they don't. You only need it if you are white water kyacking, which you don't do on a lake.

Canoeing and kyacking are slightly different things. When they do teach eskimo rolls it is one to one in a swimming pool.

She is a controlling bully? But you and your husband are allowing her to see your kids. Shame on you both.

If you find water sports fun? I don't.

In your rush to turn this into a different issue you’ve over simplified what it says on the NHS site - this is what it actually says:

You should avoid swimming for at least 24 hours after having a piercing, and ideally until it has healed properly. While it's still healing, it's important to keep the piercing dry as there's a risk of infection. The healing time for a body piercing can vary depending on which part of your body is pierced and how well you look after it. Earlobe piercings usually take 6 - 8 weeks to heal. Ear cartilage piercings take significantly longer, because cartilage tissue is much tougher. There are many types of cartilage piercings, including helix piercings which heal within 3 - 6 months, and daith and tragus piercings, which can take up to 12 months. It's possible to pick up an infection from any body of water, so while your piercing heals you should avoid swimming in swimming pools, the sea, streams, lakes and rivers. You should also avoid using hot tubs.

And it doesn’t matter how well the DDs swim, whether they enjoy doing so, or if they’ve done similar before. MiL booked the activity without checking, and it turns out there’s a specific and significant risk. So no - not just another MiL moan, or ingratitude.

What did your DH and kids end up doing @YorkshireLucy ?

They changed the activity to canoeing so no wet ears 😊

Why on earth didn't your DH step up and tell his mother that DD couldn't do water sports at the moment??? I'd be bloody having words with him!

That sounds like a positive result all around. Hope they're all able to enjoy the rest of their break.

Trust me, we have had words on the phone. We'll revisit the conversation when he gets home.

I should think so too @YorkshireLucy! MIL being an arse is one thing but your DH should 100% have his daughter's backs and it doesn't seem as if he did. Presumably yet another wet lettuce of a husband who can't say no to his family in case he upsets them above his immediate family.

She doesn’t want to swim because of her piercings or because she doesn’t like water sports? I’m sure she could plaster over her piercings and then clean them thoroughly after swimming. Appreciate you don’t like your MiL but presume she’s booked this as a treat even if she’s got that wrong. There are plenty less enjoyable things she could have booked if she was just trying to be a controlling bully. Or ask her to investigate what’s safe with recent piercings - if she hears it first hand she may realise she’s got it wrong, not just that your DD doesn’t fancy it.

The whole "periods stop in water" thing is one of those myths that get repeated online so much people just blindly believe it.

Some women find that they either stop bleeding or bleed so little that they can't visibly see it, and others don't, which is due to a combination of multiple factors unique to the individual. Anyone making a blanket statement "ALL women's periods stop in water/while swimming" is just wrong, period. (No pun intended.)

My periods definitely don't stop either in the bath or while swimming.

I don't swim in a pool during my period, but I have multiple times swum in lakes or in the sea and then noticed a massive bloom of blood in the water and had to sheepishly get out. I'm sure someone will try to invent a reason why you continue to bleed while swimming in a lake but not a swimming pool, but the reality is it's just down to the individual.

I'm surprised your ear piercer let you have three piercings done at once. Why is that relevant? Because healing times are extended apparently. Mind has just had a piercing and the piercer won't do the second lobe ones until the first ones have healed. And definitely no swimming.

We did manage it in a pool with a bit of tape and avoiding getting the head wet but I've been and done lake watersports and it's incredibly difficult not to get completely soaked in grimy water.

Other than ensuring they are covered with surgical tape and cleaning them when it's done, I would say it's a no-go.

On the MIL front, I totally sympathise. I would point out that swimwear is expected under a wetsuit and not just a t-shirt and pants. I usually wear shorts and a t-shirt with regular underwear but tend to stick to things where I won't fall in. I'm not sure she's thought this through and it's very telling that she didn't ask you to pack swimwear...

Maybe your DD could stick to kayak or canoeing if MIL is not for turning.

I think many people here saying two weeks is fine, don't understand cartilage and upper lobe piercings are NOT regular lobe piercings. They can take MONTHS to heal, so DD is right to be concerned about being in open water, etc, and the professional who did her ears gave her advice as such.
Stick by your daughter lovely. Seems your husband isn't going to. If MIL kicks up a stink, it's her problem not checking beforehand. While I get it's great she wants to do stuff with them, they're not little anymore, she needs to realise this. Can she sell them on to not lose the money? Or better still get them refunded or exchange to another date so everyone can go? There will be a day if her behaviour continues, that they'll never want to visit. Does she want to risk that?
Good luck!

The piercings were done with a needle. One tragus and the other two seconds in the lobe. Perfectly safe to do. Healing time is different from the lobe to the tragus piercing though and we expect the likes to heal much sooner.
Yes, it's not asking them to bring swimwear that got me a bit surprised (or not, given the stunts she's pulled in the past).
They did in fact change the session to canoeing (apparently much to her annoyance). She basically said my DD shouldn't have had her ears pierced (yet, she never told us she was planning this). She's 16 and she's wanted them done for years, but had to wait for school to finish as they only allow one small stud per ear.
The joys of (some) MIL's.
When I was pregnant with my first she said to my parents that she didn't know what her son was playing at as he never wanted kids.
Honestly, she's a delight 🙄

This is the daftest post so far. Tragus piercing can take a year to heal and are troublesome sometimes. ‘Plastering over’ piercings in cartilage is painful and ineffective. Swimming in open water - a lake - is dodgy at the best of times, let alone when you have piercings vulnerable to infection.

Oh - it wasn't about safety or whether it was done with a needle. My local piercer won't do more than one piercing per ear at a time so that healing isn't delayed and swimming is definitely not allowed. She's strict but excellent. My child is very unimpressed as they got a cartilage piercing and now have to wait.

I'm glad they managed to do canoeing instead. It's a lot easier to keep the ears dry.

This plus how can water ruin clothes?

Dirty lake water with a well used wetsuit can.
I did a lot of scuba diving when younger and trust me, if not cleaned properly they can leave marks on clothing, especially from lake water.
The clothes they have are new. When they were bought I didn't envisage they'd be jumping into a lake with them on or I'd of bought much cheaper clothing for them to ruin on a 50 minute activity.

It's fine to get upto 4 at a time. But, I agree your piercer is being cautious. It can take longer for healing so I see why she uses this method of no more than one 🙂

Why are you so stressed? The waterpark sounds fun. Ear piercings will be fine as long as DD uses the medication supplied to clean them two or three times a day. What does passisve aggressive mean, btw, and are you sure your MIL isn't reacting to your hysterical reaction to her? Tell your daughters to have fun and tell your DH to go and buy them swimming costumes - that'll teach him a lesson without anything else' he'll feel the pain and irritation of buying swimming costumes for two girls, who will, without doubt, be fussy.