Page 8 | AIBU to not want DH to engage with homeless man while baby DC is in his arms

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 14/08/2023 22:44

@isthatmyage Op is the 'nasty' one. I am just referencing the truth, in relation to small margin between housed and homelessness and OP's behaviour.

SemperIdem · 14/08/2023 22:46

I’m really amused that the op is far more bothered about the use of the word cunt, than about not treating other human beings like vermin.

What a ✨lovely✨ person she must be

Velvetstraws · 14/08/2023 22:46

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HolidaysShouldNotEnd · 14/08/2023 22:49

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I am embarrassed for you. Admit your mistake and move on.

ilovesooty · 14/08/2023 22:49

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Typo.

Crapsummer2023 · 14/08/2023 22:50

TommyJoesMummy · 14/08/2023 21:43

YANBU not engaging with someone going table to table BEGGING. That’s disgusting behaviour and it’s intimidating to the people who are there to eat.
Obviously it’s sad if he is homeless. Was he homeless? I wouldn’t like someone coming round begging, near my kids and distracting my simpering partner. I’d be on edge. I’d want my partner to have their wits about them in public. My baby is who I care about. Not an adult who does have places he can go to for proper help. That’s so invasive!
Bugger feeling that you have to be nice to every strange man at the expense of your own feeling of safety

This. And to the PP who wants a pat on the back for placing strange men in her car with her DC 😒

Oatycookies · 14/08/2023 22:51

5128gap · 14/08/2023 22:14

You're getting a hard time OP because the good people of MN like to be very inclusive of 'The Homeless'.
I'm sure you didn't think for a moment the man would abduct your baby. However many homeless people are also vulnerable due to MH or substance issues, and due to their vulnerability can behave impulsively and in socially inappropriate ways. This can include displays of affection (I have been hugged and kissed without warning on many an occasion in the course of my work.) Rough sleepers often lack the means to be clean, and untreated wounds, infections and diseases such as TB are common. This is not being unkind or judgemental, it is simply the reality of life for many homeless people, and its silly to pretend otherwise in a misguided attempt to be polite.
I think if people weren't trying so hard to appear non discriminatory they would admit that they wouldn't like their baby within touching distance of a vulnerable stranger who may not have the means to maintain basic personal hygiene either.

This.

ghostyslovesheets · 14/08/2023 22:52

No @ilovesooty you got a word wrong - obviously that means every salient and well presented post on this thread is invalid - we must now accept the higher intellectual arguments of someone who can't actually debate but just resorts to insults and foot stamping like a toddler - because they don't make typos!

Back in the real world I'd rather have a homeless person asking for spare change near my child than an angry judgemental one all day long.

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 14/08/2023 22:53

I wonder if @Fieryflips would feel better knowing that royal children have interacted with homeless people and lived to tell the tale:

Prince William with Prince Louis, Prince George and Princess Charlotte

Prince William: Young royals 'will definitely be exposed' to homelessness

The Prince of Wales has posed with his three children in a portrait released for Father's Day.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-65941931

Crapsummer2023 · 14/08/2023 22:53

5128gap · 14/08/2023 22:14

You're getting a hard time OP because the good people of MN like to be very inclusive of 'The Homeless'.
I'm sure you didn't think for a moment the man would abduct your baby. However many homeless people are also vulnerable due to MH or substance issues, and due to their vulnerability can behave impulsively and in socially inappropriate ways. This can include displays of affection (I have been hugged and kissed without warning on many an occasion in the course of my work.) Rough sleepers often lack the means to be clean, and untreated wounds, infections and diseases such as TB are common. This is not being unkind or judgemental, it is simply the reality of life for many homeless people, and its silly to pretend otherwise in a misguided attempt to be polite.
I think if people weren't trying so hard to appear non discriminatory they would admit that they wouldn't like their baby within touching distance of a vulnerable stranger who may not have the means to maintain basic personal hygiene either.

This.

ilovesooty · 14/08/2023 22:53

HolidaysShouldNotEnd · 14/08/2023 22:49

I am embarrassed for you. Admit your mistake and move on.

Show quote history

Well exactly. I was angry and wasn't concentrating or looking at my phone properly but at least I'm not continuing to defend the use of language like that to describe service users.

Yesabsolutely · 14/08/2023 22:57

00100001 · 14/08/2023 21:38

What is a drug addict going to do Tina stranger's baby.

What is an alcoholic going to do with a stranger's baby?

What is someone with serious mental health problems going to do to a stranger's baby?

All these types of people are around you every single day, sitting next to you on the bus, shopping Asda, having a coffee, wandering along the canal, walking their dogs in the park... How many babies have you read about being harmed by strangers with these problems?

Then I can show you all the articles of babies being harmed by their own parents. They will vastly outnumber any news articles you can find about the type of people you're imagining...

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Well said @00100001 .Children statistically are in more danger from their own parents !
@Velvetstraws …Cani suggest you volunteer at a homeless refuge in your nearest town and get to know these people! You might just get educated and it will really improve your ignorance!

Mollycox · 14/08/2023 22:57

kmt goodnight

Thedogscollar · 14/08/2023 23:01

people like that 😔
Let's hope this isn't your child one day@Fieryflips. Nobody knows how their life might turn out.
What a sad outlook to have.

Blondebutnotlegally · 14/08/2023 23:02

This thread is mental. I have a few points.

-yes, we get it, parents abuse their babies more than homeless people. But OP OBVIOUSLY IS NOT GOING TO BE SCARED OF HERSELF. Stupid argument.

To those saying "you don't know how desperate they are, I'd give money even if it were going to be spent on their next fix". Do you have ANY idea where that money goes? To drug and trafficking gangs (a lot work in conjunction). Your money is paying the worst kind of people on the planet. The kind that abduct women /children and subject them to a lifetime of trauma and the worst life you could imagine. You carry on, but don't act like you are doing a good thing.

yes they are someone's child. But so was mother Theresa, taylor swift, putin, Ted bundy. Everyone is someone's child. It's a pointless comment.

I have been threatened with all kinds of violence for rejecting someone's pleas for change. Including threatening to "smash my head in" and some nice kicks to the side of my car. I don't blame the OP for not wanting to be put in that position. My sister who is a police offer attended an incident last week in Central London where a homeless man slashed the back of a young woman's leg as she refused to give him change. Not all homeless people are violent, but given the addiction/mental health issues prevalent amongst them, you can't blame someone for their concerns.

to the women who gave a strange man a lift in her car with her children. Are you fucking mad? Utterly stupid thing to do.

Get off your high horses

Letitgonowgr · 14/08/2023 23:02

I feel like you’re getting a lot of stick and I feel sorry for you! I know what you mean! I think when people are homeless but don’t come up and ask for money, I’m more inclined to give money or ask if they want some food/a coffee. I wouldn’t appreciate someone approaching me though.

Marblessolveeverything · 14/08/2023 23:02

I appreciate the fear, you see a perceived risk and your instinct is to retreat.

The sad reality is most homeless people are those with undiagnosed or treated MH or just no support network. I always have change in my pocket to share- I am fortunate to have wants money issues not need.

It struck me a couple of years ago that children do what they see. My youngest was about 6 and he asked for money to share with an older gent. He took the money and had a few words.

The gent was unwell, worried about the world ended, my little man agreed and said sure we might as well have an ice cream so and gave him the few euro.

My lad came back and said I hope the ice cream makes him happy for a few minutes. I am not going to lie yes I was nervous but I also want a future of kind, empathic men.

We continue to have a few euro in his pocket, he is 9 now a proper chatterbox but still thankfully thinks of others so I keep encouraging it.

Whyohwhywyoming · 14/08/2023 23:11

Fieryflips · 14/08/2023 21:11

DH always tries to give charity when he can (a trait I have always admired) any time he sees a homeless person he will give if he has some loose change.

Yesterday we were in a London food court in a shopping mall and a homeless man came up to our table for change. Our 3 month old baby was sat on the side of the table the homeless man came to and DH was also on that side. The man was approaching all the tables, I said we didn't have any change. I really didn't have any change but also I was a bit nervous because DC was right there. DH said for the man to wait and gave him change.

I told DH not to engage people like that when DC was about because it makes me nervous and you don't know what could happen but DH thinks I'm being unreasonable. AIBU?

So the three month old was “sat on the side of the table the homeless man came to and DH was also on that side”

and your thread title says “while baby DC is in his arms”

where was your 3 month old baby, was he or she “sitting” 🤨 on the same side of the table or being held. Also did you put that in the title to make it sound more dramatic.

Original poster

Fieryflips · 14/08/2023 23:12

5128gap · 14/08/2023 22:14

You're getting a hard time OP because the good people of MN like to be very inclusive of 'The Homeless'.
I'm sure you didn't think for a moment the man would abduct your baby. However many homeless people are also vulnerable due to MH or substance issues, and due to their vulnerability can behave impulsively and in socially inappropriate ways. This can include displays of affection (I have been hugged and kissed without warning on many an occasion in the course of my work.) Rough sleepers often lack the means to be clean, and untreated wounds, infections and diseases such as TB are common. This is not being unkind or judgemental, it is simply the reality of life for many homeless people, and its silly to pretend otherwise in a misguided attempt to be polite.
I think if people weren't trying so hard to appear non discriminatory they would admit that they wouldn't like their baby within touching distance of a vulnerable stranger who may not have the means to maintain basic personal hygiene either.

Thank you, I really appreciate that.

OP posts:

Runnerinthenight · 14/08/2023 23:13

WTAF did you think he was going to do?!!

WeetabixTowels · 14/08/2023 23:13

madeofcheeze · 14/08/2023 21:12

I think YABU, he's a homeless person, not an axe murderer. Your DC is no more at risk from then than any other person walking about.

This!

Do you think homeless people are in the habit of baby stealing?

Original poster

Fieryflips · 14/08/2023 23:13

Whyohwhywyoming · 14/08/2023 23:11

So the three month old was “sat on the side of the table the homeless man came to and DH was also on that side”

and your thread title says “while baby DC is in his arms”

where was your 3 month old baby, was he or she “sitting” 🤨 on the same side of the table or being held. Also did you put that in the title to make it sound more dramatic.

Show quote history

DH was holding DC hence both were sat on the same side..

OP posts:

Comedycook · 14/08/2023 23:16

Seeing as there's nothing to worry about why don't we combine mother and baby units with homeless hostels for single men?

Whyohwhywyoming · 14/08/2023 23:17

Fieryflips · 14/08/2023 23:13

DH was holding DC hence both were sat on the same side..

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Then surely you would describe it as such in the post? The way you’ve worded it is really weird, why not just say DH was holding the baby in the post, rather than the baby being sat on one side of the table and DH being on the same side as them? If he’s holding the baby they’re obviously on the same side and no need to point this out.

XenoBitch · 14/08/2023 23:19

Did you think the homeless chap was so desperate and hungry, he was going to pinch and eat your baby, or something?