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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want DH to engage with homeless man while baby DC is in his arms

298 replies

Fieryflips · 14/08/2023 21:11

DH always tries to give charity when he can (a trait I have always admired) any time he sees a homeless person he will give if he has some loose change.

Yesterday we were in a London food court in a shopping mall and a homeless man came up to our table for change. Our 3 month old baby was sat on the side of the table the homeless man came to and DH was also on that side. The man was approaching all the tables, I said we didn't have any change. I really didn't have any change but also I was a bit nervous because DC was right there. DH said for the man to wait and gave him change.

I told DH not to engage people like that when DC was about because it makes me nervous and you don't know what could happen but DH thinks I'm being unreasonable. AIBU?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
vodkaredbullgirl · 14/08/2023 21:19

Chill nothing happened.

CutiePatooties · 14/08/2023 21:19

I’m interested in the, ‘you don’t know what could happen.’

What do you think could happen?

HermioneWeasley · 14/08/2023 21:19

agree with @Angryappendix , while it’s less heartwarming, a monthly direct debit to his local shelter would make more of a difference

EldenRing4 · 14/08/2023 21:19

I'm surprised that people still carry loose change around!

Velvetstraws · 14/08/2023 21:20

I get it, I would be the same as you OP. Its a natural reaction and instinct to protect your baby, ignore people on here making out how wonderful and compassione they are towards the homeless, it's all bollocks. Anyone who knows anything knows that drink and substance misuse are a massive problem associated with homeless people so yes it would make me nervous having this kind of person next to my baby. You protect your baby at all costs regardless of what all the know it alls say on here.

AnnaTortoiseshell · 14/08/2023 21:20

Bless you. New babies make you feel so protective! You feel danger where there is none. I remember getting so worked up that someone might come along and steal my baby by running off with the pram! (Mind you, they would have given her back after one night of her nonsense!). I used to walk along gripping the pram so tight. I think it was a hormonal thing for me. But, yes, YABU.

Blossomtoes · 14/08/2023 21:20

Angryappendix · 14/08/2023 21:19

Your DH should really donate to a homeless charity or offer to buy the person food instead of funding a potential drug habit.

He should do whatever he wants with his own money.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 14/08/2023 21:20

God this place is batshit these days

user1471453601 · 14/08/2023 21:20

52 years ago, I was the clerk, down the dole, who signed on those with no fixed abode, mainly homeless folk. After I'd given birth, I'd often be stopped by former customers who'd coo over baby.

My baby never came to any harm. Get a grip.

Clefable · 14/08/2023 21:21

Velvetstraws · 14/08/2023 21:20

I get it, I would be the same as you OP. Its a natural reaction and instinct to protect your baby, ignore people on here making out how wonderful and compassione they are towards the homeless, it's all bollocks. Anyone who knows anything knows that drink and substance misuse are a massive problem associated with homeless people so yes it would make me nervous having this kind of person next to my baby. You protect your baby at all costs regardless of what all the know it alls say on here.

'This kind of person'

Jesus. Homeless people are not a 'kind of person'. They are individual human beings.

HalfwayToMyMamasHome · 14/08/2023 21:22

Fucking hell OP.

The biggest danger in that situation, a baby in a food hall, was someone spilling hot drinks on your child.

Get a grip.

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 14/08/2023 21:22

Did he ask for small change or small child?

rwalker · 14/08/2023 21:22

i think every situation is different and you make a judgment call
if he was drug crazed and off his tits you may have a point but I’m sure DH read the situation and subconsciously made a judgement call before engaging

IAmKenough · 14/08/2023 21:22

I give it 5 minutes before this is deleted.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 14/08/2023 21:23

I'd love to hear the stats for the number of random attacks by homeless people on strangers baby's each day in the UK
Just so you know we could make a judgement on the actual risk
probably more likely than the op coming back to this thread

FiveOClockWorld · 14/08/2023 21:23

Homeless doesn't automatically equal violent.

natura · 14/08/2023 21:23

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 14/08/2023 21:22

Did he ask for small change or small child?

😂😂😂

Hellsbellsandspidersankles · 14/08/2023 21:23

Fieryflips · 14/08/2023 21:11

DH always tries to give charity when he can (a trait I have always admired) any time he sees a homeless person he will give if he has some loose change.

Yesterday we were in a London food court in a shopping mall and a homeless man came up to our table for change. Our 3 month old baby was sat on the side of the table the homeless man came to and DH was also on that side. The man was approaching all the tables, I said we didn't have any change. I really didn't have any change but also I was a bit nervous because DC was right there. DH said for the man to wait and gave him change.

I told DH not to engage people like that when DC was about because it makes me nervous and you don't know what could happen but DH thinks I'm being unreasonable. AIBU?

What did you think the guy was going to do? Eat your baby?

FiveOClockWorld · 14/08/2023 21:24

They're more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators from what I've heard.

Comedycook · 14/08/2023 21:24

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Your baby was not in any actual danger but the man was most probably a drug addict and no parent is actually happy to have their baby around a drug addict who potentially used needles and is desperate for a fix.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 14/08/2023 21:24

Oh dear god

Screamingabdabz · 14/08/2023 21:25

FiveOClockWorld · 14/08/2023 21:23

Homeless doesn't automatically equal violent.

Begging doesn’t always equal homeless either.

Gnomegnomegnome · 14/08/2023 21:25

What did you think he was going to do? Eat her? Breathe her air? Encourage her in his wild ways?

Velvetstraws · 14/08/2023 21:25

Clefable · 14/08/2023 21:21

'This kind of person'

Jesus. Homeless people are not a 'kind of person'. They are individual human beings.

Show quote history

Oh get over yourseld! By kind of person I meant a homeless person. Whether you like it or not anyone who has ever worked with the homeless will tell you that alcohol and substance misuse are prevalent amongst homeless people. That's a fact and I can understand why it might make a new mum feel nervous around her newborn.

00100001 · 14/08/2023 21:26

Velvetstraws · 14/08/2023 21:20

I get it, I would be the same as you OP. Its a natural reaction and instinct to protect your baby, ignore people on here making out how wonderful and compassione they are towards the homeless, it's all bollocks. Anyone who knows anything knows that drink and substance misuse are a massive problem associated with homeless people so yes it would make me nervous having this kind of person next to my baby. You protect your baby at all costs regardless of what all the know it alls say on here.

Protect from what?

Now many homeless people do you know who have snatched babies???

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