AIBU to not want DH to engage with homeless man while baby DC is in his arms

[Fieryflips]

DH always tries to give charity when he can (a trait I have always admired) any time he sees a homeless person he will give if he has some loose change.

Yesterday we were in a London food court in a shopping mall and a homeless man came up to our table for change. Our 3 month old baby was sat on the side of the table the homeless man came to and DH was also on that side. The man was approaching all the tables, I said we didn't have any change. I really didn't have any change but also I was a bit nervous because DC was right there. DH said for the man to wait and gave him change.

I told DH not to engage people like that when DC was about because it makes me nervous and you don't know what could happen but DH thinks I'm being unreasonable. AIBU?

In this case it was a man helping out and being kind.... And again WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN TO A BABY WHO IS IN THE VICINITY IF A HOMELESS PERSON ASKING FOR MONEY?

No-one can say....odd isn't it....?

You won't catch poor cooties. YABU.

Because they're different services....?

And again, please do show me all the news articles and evidence of homeless people harming a baby.... Go on. Find me one.

And for every single one you find, I'll easily find a dozen where the parents harmed their own baby.

Well, for me in my head I just felt very nervous in that moment. It could have been anything at all, even a well meaning hello, I'd have been worried some spit would go flying... I can completely appreciate how rubbish I am sounding but it's just how I was feeling at the time.

You do sound utterly ridiculous and unhinged.

You presumably don't feel this was about every person near your baby? Despite the likelihood of them being held by you whilst you are unaware you are chatting to a paedophile or a drunk or a drug abuser because they don't happen to be asking for money or look a little more groomed or are more friendly etc.

You're just being prejudiced and have no sound reason for it and making out like it's actually about "protecting your baby" when it's just outright bigotry.

I don’t engage with homeless people in my city or even make eye contact as many of them are on meth and can be aggressive.

Maybe that makes me an uptight bitch but it’s the way I’ve always been and it helps me feel safe.

Everyone has different comfort zones. I'm not being rude to anybody by quietly doing what I'm comfortable with.

there are huge addiction and serious mental and physical health issues in the homeless community. Your instinct is right. Women are told to be kind far too much. Homeless men are not living saints that women need to accommodate.

These pesky homeless people with their mental illnesses. They should check their privilege

Some very naive, self-righteous responses here and I think you have a point OP.

I work for a homeless shelter and there isn't a day when we don't have fights and other dangerous incidents on site, with alcohol and drugs being a big part of this becomes they make people really volatile.

People who work on the frontline in my organisation can and do get attacked by those they are trying to help. This is the reality.

So I don't blame you one second for your reaction.

I am planning to live the organisation. The last straw was that someone tried to stab one of the support worker last month...

Yes we want to help vulnerable people but you own safety also has to come first.

YABU, what do you think the homeless man is going to do?

I work for a homeless shelter and there isn't a day when we don't have fights and other dangerous incidents on site, with alcohol and drugs being a big part of this becomes they make people really volatile.

The OP doesn’t mention him being drunk/intoxicated though.

What are you talking about? OP isn’t planning to take he baby to go work I. A shelter. They were out in public. Are
you suggesting the man might have walked up and stabbed the baby? Which would have been prevented simply by OP’s partner ignoring him?

This whole thing is pure prejudice , the only perceived danger OP has been able to identify so far is the man might say “a simple hello”, thus contaminating her PFB with his spit. This whole thread is appalling.

When we walk past with my daughter she wants to help now. She has been like this since she was 6. She asked me why they are sat alone outside McDonalds. From them on we ask if they want a coffee or any drink? Or some food. Anything wrong with that? My daughter said she's would love to buy a homeless restaurant when she is older to feed everyone. She is a very very caring soul.

This is a ridiculous argument. I've never been in a car accident but I always put my baby in a carseat. As a parent you minimise risk wherever possible. You clearly have no real experience with the homeless, although generally pleasant, they can be very unpredictable due to mh issues.

And @Glitterblue no it's not scary how close we are to being homeless. As lots of us would reach out to the resources beforehand. Homeless outreach is only successful when homeless people don't want to be on the streets. Which isn't common, due to the addiction, begging etc many of them want to stay. As I said, dh used to work with a homeless hostel (think medical) and no matter how much help you offer, they don't want it.

@Skinthin 'What are you talking about? OP isn’t planning to take he baby to go work I. A shelter. They were out in public.'

@Defiantjazz 'The OP doesn’t mention him being drunk/intoxicated though.'

For goodness sake...

The level of compression on this thread is appalling.

Fights and aggressions towards our staff happen inside the homeless shelter, in the streets outside the shelter and in the city streets in general when our staff are doing outreach work every day.

I have worked for various organisations supporting homeless people and the majority of the people we helped had issues with mental health, alcohol and drugs. That's just called reality.

It does not mean that we should not support them or that we should demonise them. It is a very different matter to simply be aware that you are dealing with people who can be volatile and that this is completely understandable when you know what difficulties they are facing.

This is why I am saying to the OP that I completely understand her reaction.

@Skinthin

This whole thing is pure prejudice , the only perceived danger OP has been able to identify so far is the man might say “a simple hello”, thus contaminating her PFB with his spit. This whole thread is appalling.

I agree..... can you just imagine how the OP will behave when her 3 month old is mobile, at school, university and beyond.....What if she suggests a gap year back packing.....🤯🙈

Jesus, OP. Be better.
What a depressing post. That poor man.

The "donate instead" thing often comes up in these discussions, however, my view is that if the homeless addict can fund their addiction through begging, it at least means they don't have to steal or prostitute themselves (for now). Idk, maybe I'm just cynical or something.

Your job is a completely different matter sorry. Has nothing to do with the situation OP described. Context is everything. And I really don’t like the way you are using “they” and generalising here. Sounds like you really do need to get a new job.

I'm sure your DD is a very sweet caring girl...but as a mum of a daughter I would not be encouraging her to talk to random men on the street whether I'm with her or not. And yes, majority of street homeless people have drug/alcohol/mental health issues. Whilst I have empathy for them I would not be encouraging my DD to engage with them.

The point I was making is there is virtually zero risk unlike driving in a car which is a significant risk. Furthermore, while risk of car rides is mitigated by putting baby in a seat, ignoring the homeless person or giving them change had no bearing on the risk to OP’s baby in this situation.
I have plenty of experience of homeless people, enough to know they are ordinary people and not a monolith. So jog on with your prejudice.

Ignore the disingenuous mass hysteria on this thread op. Most mothers would be nervous about their newborn being around a stranger who could potentially be volatile.

The general advice about beggars from homeless charities is that don’t give money directly to them, but because your DH is a man, apparently he’s a sainted individual instead of a naive mug. 🙄

And the ops reaction was correct wasn't it? Once her dh had opened his wallet, the man saw the £20 and asked for that? Her DH then gave it to him, indicating that he wasn't confident in saying no. The homeless man was counting on this happening indicating an air of menace and creating a situation whereby the person doesn't feel comfortable to refuse this request.

Your DH is unreasonable in this circumstances. Not because the homeless person is a particular risk (your child is more likely to be harmed by you or your DH than a stranger) but because people shouldn't engage with homeless people in the first place. Giving money to them, buying them food and speaking to them just makes the homelessness problem worse. If you want to end homelessness you can give money to the appropriate charities, but you shouldn't try to help individuals.

In london, homeless begging is out of control. Its an industry. Your dh is bu to feed into criminal industry. Giving to homeless charities is much better. Instead of making gangs and drug dealers richer.