AIBU to not want DH to engage with homeless man while baby DC is in his arms

[Fieryflips]

DH always tries to give charity when he can (a trait I have always admired) any time he sees a homeless person he will give if he has some loose change.

Yesterday we were in a London food court in a shopping mall and a homeless man came up to our table for change. Our 3 month old baby was sat on the side of the table the homeless man came to and DH was also on that side. The man was approaching all the tables, I said we didn't have any change. I really didn't have any change but also I was a bit nervous because DC was right there. DH said for the man to wait and gave him change.

I told DH not to engage people like that when DC was about because it makes me nervous and you don't know what could happen but DH thinks I'm being unreasonable. AIBU?

And I know how absolutely awful I must come across.

That's something at least, I guess.

Actually you're right, I just equated begging with homeless. I can't be sure he was homeless, he was just begging for money.

So…

do you think if your DH hadn’t ponied up the twenty he’d have asked for your first born instead??

Come on OP, YABU and unpleasant. You get a half pass because PFB, but knock it off.

Listen you crack on, you're OK leaving your kid around a junkie, I'm not.

The disingenunity of the do gooders on this thread makes me want to vomit 🤢

I felt the same and still do with my child's dad out with our child.

I've had enough experiences in London of being shouted at, harrassed or followed by people after I've given them money or said I'm sorry I have no change. As a result, when I'm on my own with my child I no longer engage with people asking for money.

My ex has a mental health condition and is less able to gauge safety, plus he tries to help people no matter what. He once left DC in the pushchair on one side of Oxford Street in order to help an old lady cross the road! All sorts of characters seem drawn to him and want long conversations in the street. So I insisted we have a no helping strangers in the street (except perhaps in special circumstances with another adult present to look after DC) policy.

He still nips into shops to buy tea or sandwiches for homeless people with DC though, which is safer as it's not him being approached while sitting somewhere.

So I get where OP's coming from. It can be massively anxiety-inducing being out in crowded places with a baby. It's natural to feel vulnerable. Of course homeless people are just other people, but I'd be anxious about random strangers sitting beside us and talking lots when I'm out with my child (as many do), so although of course nothing is likely to happen I sympathise with the anxiety.

People here are talking shit. I bet if they lived in a block of flats with their young children which had homeless people sleeping in the stairwell that they had to step over with their kids, they'd be up in arms.

😂 if you say so, I don't see how teaching them to be empathetic is a bad example to set

He was 4 at the time, so no danger he was about to follow our example! He's still not going to have his own vehicle for at least another 10 years, plus he's now as tall as me and built like a rugby player so I can't imagine he'll have many issues with his physical safety! But plenty of time to teach him how to evaluate situations which we talk about now he is older

It's more that some people get angry and aggressive if they see you have more in your purse than you feel able or willing to give. I wouldn't want my child to be scared (as I have been) by a big man shouting and following us down the street.

It's hardly as though they're spending time together and visiting a crack den or being left with them....

Jesus Christ.

They're just near them for a few minutes in public whilst their dad is talking to them.

Bit that isn't what happened in OPs situation. Her baby was just near a homeless person...

Did you think he was going to snatch your baby and sell it for smack?

Oh sorry didn't realise you were actually there and witnessed it all, apols my mistake.

Well I think we can safely conclude the OP got exactly what they wanted from this thread

I have worked with people who are homeless. I'd like to think I recognised them as human beings though.

Nah.... can't be real

Nobody is this thick!

No. The babies father was engaging with the man...opening his wallet, letting the man see his cash and was then asked for more. It verges on being mugged

OP do you have post-natal anxiety?

Oh please. 🙄

Oh wow!! Yikes!

Sorry but your husband has just enabled him to do that to the next person who may be a lone mother /woman trying to slip him a pound just so she can get on her way. I was wondering where they get the nerve to do that but now I see…

I really don't think you should be working with homeless people if you have to think about whether or not you recognise them as human beings, you don't sound like a very nice person, perhaps you should find another job 🤔

Again.... What harm is baby coming to?

If my husband tried to tell me this I would call him controlling

I'm making the point that the babies father can not say no to giving him the ,£20 note that he has seen in the wallet. What would have happened of he had said no? The whole situation should not have come to that point.

'doesn't think with his dad hat on'. I don't often feel sorry for men on here but this kind of shit is so patronising. Don't micromanage your husband's parenting. Don't expect him to react in the exact same way as you do. How would you feel if your parenting was called into question for something like this? I think some people undermine their husband/partners parenting and then wonder in a few years time why they are carrying all the "mental load" of parenting.