Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want DH to engage with homeless man while baby DC is in his arms

298 replies

Fieryflips · 14/08/2023 21:11

DH always tries to give charity when he can (a trait I have always admired) any time he sees a homeless person he will give if he has some loose change.

Yesterday we were in a London food court in a shopping mall and a homeless man came up to our table for change. Our 3 month old baby was sat on the side of the table the homeless man came to and DH was also on that side. The man was approaching all the tables, I said we didn't have any change. I really didn't have any change but also I was a bit nervous because DC was right there. DH said for the man to wait and gave him change.

I told DH not to engage people like that when DC was about because it makes me nervous and you don't know what could happen but DH thinks I'm being unreasonable. AIBU?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Saoirse82 · 14/08/2023 21:36

ExtraOnions · 14/08/2023 21:17

Did the Homeless man look like this ?

Haha.

This is exactly what I thought of when I read the OPs ridiculous thread.

OP, have my first ever Biscuit

Blossomtoes · 14/08/2023 21:37

Velvetstraws · 14/08/2023 21:33

A drug addict.. an alcoholic... someone with serious mental health problems?

Show quote history

You think those people are all homeless? A lot of them are the perfectly respectable looking people you wouldn’t give a second glance.

Teajenny7 · 14/08/2023 21:37

What a kind husband you have!

No need to be rude to someone down on their luck. I don't tend to give money but buy a coffee or sandwich or buy the Big Issue. Exchange time of day. Many people end up homeless for many reasons. Look how many people use food banks.

The old saying 'There but the grace of God go I'

lemonsoapbar · 14/08/2023 21:37

YABVU.

00100001 · 14/08/2023 21:38

Velvetstraws · 14/08/2023 21:33

A drug addict.. an alcoholic... someone with serious mental health problems?

Show quote history

What is a drug addict going to do Tina stranger's baby.

What is an alcoholic going to do with a stranger's baby?

What is someone with serious mental health problems going to do to a stranger's baby?

All these types of people are around you every single day, sitting next to you on the bus, shopping Asda, having a coffee, wandering along the canal, walking their dogs in the park... How many babies have you read about being harmed by strangers with these problems?

Then I can show you all the articles of babies being harmed by their own parents. They will vastly outnumber any news articles you can find about the type of people you're imagining...

SweetPotatoAndPeanutStew · 14/08/2023 21:38

WhenIWasAFieldMyself · 14/08/2023 21:13

Yes, do be careful. Your PFB might catch The Poor.

Grin
NewName122 · 14/08/2023 21:38

Were you worried he might eat your baby? (Joking) Bit unreasonable yes.

AttackCherubim · 14/08/2023 21:39

Just remember that that homeless man is also someone's child.

Original poster
Fieryflips · 14/08/2023 21:39

PsychoHotSauce · 14/08/2023 21:30

Be honest OP. Did you think he was going to suddenly swipe your baby and disappear faster than you or DH could react, and sell your PFB for drugs?

I don't even like when a passer by stops to coo at baby and then goes on to stroke DC or hold DC's hand. I don't know what I thought, but I just know I didn't want the man lingering. Me saying we don't have any change versus DH rummaging about for change meant the man was lingering for longer whilst DH was giving him money.

And I know how absolutely awful I must come across. There's so many reasons why people are desperate for money, and not everyone is scary, it's just that I feel DH sometimes just doesn't think with his dad hat on and still thinks we can carry on like we did before DC.

OP posts:
Velvetstraws · 14/08/2023 21:41

WhenIWasAFieldMyself · 14/08/2023 21:34

And again. The OP mentioned neither drugs or alcohol.

This is all rather about your prejudice isn't it? Maybe start your own hate thread.

Show quote history

This isn't about my prejudice at all! What a pathetic thing to say. I have a lot of compassion for people who have become homeless, I've worked with homeless people, I know, they have often had appallingly sad backgrounds and many have had incredibly tragic lives. But whether you like or it not, the fact is, sad as it is, that a large proportion of homeless people have serious drug and alcohol problems and/or serious mental health problems - the question is would this put me on high alert around a baby- yes of course it would it's a natural Instict to look to protect your baby. So pls do one with your "prejudice " and "hate" comments cos you don't know what you are talking about.

Comedycook · 14/08/2023 21:41

I don't understand...if an elderly lady coos over your baby in a cafe, posters are usually queuing up to tell you that you should tell her to fuck off...

Exasperatednow · 14/08/2023 21:42

You said 'people like that'.
You do realise many people are 1 or 2 pay cheques away from being homeless.

Original poster
Fieryflips · 14/08/2023 21:42

Oatycookies · 14/08/2023 21:32

Yep definitely and I don’t even have kids but if I was with any of my friends kids or little cousins I’d have the same reaction. I’ve had homeless men do very unexpected things. I had one man make a grab for my colourful hair. Once I said I didn’t have any change and this man in east London started swearing at me as he recognised my (regional) accent was the same as his and said why couldn’t I help someone from the same place.

I’ve know three different people to be racially harassed by homeless men after declining to give change.

I’ve had an old school friend open her wallet to give one pound then been menacingly told she must hand over the tenner he can see in there.

Show quote history

He actually did that. He saw DH have a £20 note and asked for it so DH gave that too.

OP posts:
00100001 · 14/08/2023 21:42

But your child is at NO MORE RISK OF HARM from the homeless man lingering than you are.

You are just being prejudice and trying to pass it off as protecting your baby.

People love babies and will coo and chat to them... embrace it, it doesn't last long.

Comedycook · 14/08/2023 21:43

What is a drug addict going to do Tina stranger's baby

Good point...why don't we start hosting mother and baby groups in crack dens? The middle class mums will be queuing up for it latte in hand.

TommyJoesMummy · 14/08/2023 21:43

YANBU not engaging with someone going table to table BEGGING. That’s disgusting behaviour and it’s intimidating to the people who are there to eat.
Obviously it’s sad if he is homeless. Was he homeless? I wouldn’t like someone coming round begging, near my kids and distracting my simpering partner. I’d be on edge. I’d want my partner to have their wits about them in public. My baby is who I care about. Not an adult who does have places he can go to for proper help. That’s so invasive!
Bugger feeling that you have to be nice to every strange man at the expense of your own feeling of safety

Catusrusty · 14/08/2023 21:43

AttackCherubim · 14/08/2023 21:39

Just remember that that homeless man is also someone's child.

So very much this.

There but for the grace of God and all of that.

00100001 · 14/08/2023 21:43

Velvetstraws · 14/08/2023 21:41

This isn't about my prejudice at all! What a pathetic thing to say. I have a lot of compassion for people who have become homeless, I've worked with homeless people, I know, they have often had appallingly sad backgrounds and many have had incredibly tragic lives. But whether you like or it not, the fact is, sad as it is, that a large proportion of homeless people have serious drug and alcohol problems and/or serious mental health problems - the question is would this put me on high alert around a baby- yes of course it would it's a natural Instict to look to protect your baby. So pls do one with your "prejudice " and "hate" comments cos you don't know what you are talking about.

Show quote history

So of all those homeless people that had problems, how many tried to do anything harmful to a stranger's baby?

Peony654 · 14/08/2023 21:44

YABVU. Unless the person was very drunk (which could be anyone).

00100001 · 14/08/2023 21:44

TommyJoesMummy · 14/08/2023 21:43

YANBU not engaging with someone going table to table BEGGING. That’s disgusting behaviour and it’s intimidating to the people who are there to eat.
Obviously it’s sad if he is homeless. Was he homeless? I wouldn’t like someone coming round begging, near my kids and distracting my simpering partner. I’d be on edge. I’d want my partner to have their wits about them in public. My baby is who I care about. Not an adult who does have places he can go to for proper help. That’s so invasive!
Bugger feeling that you have to be nice to every strange man at the expense of your own feeling of safety

Please feel free to post the numerous articles of babies coming to harm from people begging....

Saoirse82 · 14/08/2023 21:44

CaroleSinger · 14/08/2023 21:28

I struggle to understand these people who think giving people on the street money to buy crack or heroin is being kind to them. You're actually being part of the problem in many cases.

Not every homesless person is an addict.

An addict will get their fix no matter what (I've been there). Giving them money might prevent them having to steal or sell their bodies on that particular day

And I'll do what I please with my own money. I'll often offer to buy them a pack of cigarettes but I'm also happy to give them money even if I suspect it'll be spent on drink or drugs. These people are desperate. You have no fucking clue.

00100001 · 14/08/2023 21:45

Comedycook · 14/08/2023 21:43

What is a drug addict going to do Tina stranger's baby

Good point...why don't we start hosting mother and baby groups in crack dens? The middle class mums will be queuing up for it latte in hand.

Ha ha. Very funny and definitely the point.

I'm still waiting for someone to show me a crack addict that harmed a stranger's baby in public though.

Comedycook · 14/08/2023 21:46

Fieryflips · 14/08/2023 21:42

He actually did that. He saw DH have a £20 note and asked for it so DH gave that too.

Show quote history

Your dh is an idiot. There is no way he could have said no to him...he's was stuck in this interaction with his wife and baby as bystanders and had no choice but to hand it over in case a scene occurred.

curaçao · 14/08/2023 21:48

You were worried your snowflake might catch 'the poor' from the homeless?

SemperIdem · 14/08/2023 21:48

Look I get it, your baby is young and you feel very protective.

But homeless people aren’t intrinsically bad people, out to do harm to others. In the main, the greatest harm they do is to themselves.