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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want DH to engage with homeless man while baby DC is in his arms

298 replies

Fieryflips · 14/08/2023 21:11

DH always tries to give charity when he can (a trait I have always admired) any time he sees a homeless person he will give if he has some loose change.

Yesterday we were in a London food court in a shopping mall and a homeless man came up to our table for change. Our 3 month old baby was sat on the side of the table the homeless man came to and DH was also on that side. The man was approaching all the tables, I said we didn't have any change. I really didn't have any change but also I was a bit nervous because DC was right there. DH said for the man to wait and gave him change.

I told DH not to engage people like that when DC was about because it makes me nervous and you don't know what could happen but DH thinks I'm being unreasonable. AIBU?

OP posts:
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CurlewKate · 14/08/2023 21:27

@CutiePatooties "I’m interested in the, ‘you don’t know what could happen.’

What do you think could happen?"

The world famous Mumsnet "Anything."

Sidking · 14/08/2023 21:27

Yabu, your husband is modelling kindness and compassion beautifully!

A homeless man approached us as we were getting out of the car at a park once, asking if we had any change or spare food, we didn't, so I told him to hop in the car. We drove round the corner to MacDonalds drive through and got him a meal. He was no threat, just hungry!

My kiddo was a bit confused at first but after we had got back to the park and waved goodbye to the man it was a perfect opportunity to explain homelessness and the concept of not having money to buy food

FiveOClockWorld · 14/08/2023 21:27

Screamingabdabz · 14/08/2023 21:25

Begging doesn’t always equal homeless either.

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Good point.

Ponderingwindow · 14/08/2023 21:28

I used to live in an area with a substantial unhoused population. I think you are wise to keep your distance with dc.

the persistent unhoused in our area universally suffered from complex mental health issues. People who were homeless simply because they lacked money were re-homed quickly. Over time I got to know many of the unhoused in my neighborhood and I could tell you who was harmless and who you should cross the street if you saw approaching and who fell in between, but if you don’t personally know the unhoused in your community, you shouldn’t be taking the risk with a child.

ScandalousChicken · 14/08/2023 21:28

"People like that" take a good look at yourself. Your attitude is disgusting.

00100001 · 14/08/2023 21:28

Velvetstraws · 14/08/2023 21:25

Oh get over yourseld! By kind of person I meant a homeless person. Whether you like it or not anyone who has ever worked with the homeless will tell you that alcohol and substance misuse are prevalent amongst homeless people. That's a fact and I can understand why it might make a new mum feel nervous around her newborn.

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Loads of people are alcoholic and substance abusers and live in homes.

They aren't baby snatchers either, not will the homeless person trip and fall and stab your baby with a rusty heroin needle, not will they offer to put their cider in the baby's bottle...

CaroleSinger · 14/08/2023 21:28

I struggle to understand these people who think giving people on the street money to buy crack or heroin is being kind to them. You're actually being part of the problem in many cases.

00100001 · 14/08/2023 21:29

Ponderingwindow · 14/08/2023 21:28

I used to live in an area with a substantial unhoused population. I think you are wise to keep your distance with dc.

the persistent unhoused in our area universally suffered from complex mental health issues. People who were homeless simply because they lacked money were re-homed quickly. Over time I got to know many of the unhoused in my neighborhood and I could tell you who was harmless and who you should cross the street if you saw approaching and who fell in between, but if you don’t personally know the unhoused in your community, you shouldn’t be taking the risk with a child.

How many homeless people have you known to snatch a stranger's baby? Or do anything harmful to the ?

However,on the other hand i.can find in seconds dozens and dozens of abuse and harm stories to babies from their parents....

Velvetstraws · 14/08/2023 21:29

00100001 · 14/08/2023 21:26

Protect from what?

Now many homeless people do you know who have snatched babies???

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She didn't say she was particularly worried about her baby being snatched! She asked was she being unreasonable for feeling nervous in this situation i.e.someone with alcohol or drug problems being right next to her baby, that's not unreasonable.

Jadeywithababy · 14/08/2023 21:30

I totally understand wanting to protect your baby but you and your husband were right there so baby was in no more danger than they would be anywhere that has strangers nearby. If anything I would say this has been a positive experience for your baby to see compassionate behaviour being modelled by your husband.

Comedycook · 14/08/2023 21:30

Sidking · 14/08/2023 21:27

Yabu, your husband is modelling kindness and compassion beautifully!

A homeless man approached us as we were getting out of the car at a park once, asking if we had any change or spare food, we didn't, so I told him to hop in the car. We drove round the corner to MacDonalds drive through and got him a meal. He was no threat, just hungry!

My kiddo was a bit confused at first but after we had got back to the park and waved goodbye to the man it was a perfect opportunity to explain homelessness and the concept of not having money to buy food

Letting unknown men into your car is a really fucking stupid thing to do...homeless or not

PsychoHotSauce · 14/08/2023 21:30

Be honest OP. Did you think he was going to suddenly swipe your baby and disappear faster than you or DH could react, and sell your PFB for drugs?

WhenIWasAFieldMyself · 14/08/2023 21:31

Velvetstraws · 14/08/2023 21:20

I get it, I would be the same as you OP. Its a natural reaction and instinct to protect your baby, ignore people on here making out how wonderful and compassione they are towards the homeless, it's all bollocks. Anyone who knows anything knows that drink and substance misuse are a massive problem associated with homeless people so yes it would make me nervous having this kind of person next to my baby. You protect your baby at all costs regardless of what all the know it alls say on here.

Protect the baby from what?

ScandalousChicken · 14/08/2023 21:31

CaroleSinger · 14/08/2023 21:28

I struggle to understand these people who think giving people on the street money to buy crack or heroin is being kind to them. You're actually being part of the problem in many cases.

It's alarming that there are still people that believe that all homeless people are hooked on crack and heroin. Some of the attitudes on this thread are horrifying.

Ladybrrrd · 14/08/2023 21:32

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Your baby was not in any actual danger but the man was most probably a drug addict and no parent is actually happy to have their baby around a drug addict who potentially used needles and is desperate for a fix.

But the point is in an open space, during the day, that's not going to pose much risk unless the baby is filled with heroin. The baby is also not going to see the great unwashed and think, 'ooh what a great idea!'
I don't really understand of the person perhaps having a substance problem.

I rarely give change as I genuinely never have any but I'll spare a cigarette, buy a big issue or get food if I can. It's fucking hard out there and they want money for a fix then so be it. It's their choice. I'd use if I were on the street too.

Get a grip OP.

Sidking · 14/08/2023 21:32

Comedycook · 14/08/2023 21:30

Letting unknown men into your car is a really fucking stupid thing to do...homeless or not

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There were 2 of us (me and OH), OH sat behind him, OH is a big fella this guy was tiny, he wasn't going to do anything 😂

00100001 · 14/08/2023 21:32

Velvetstraws · 14/08/2023 21:29

She didn't say she was particularly worried about her baby being snatched! She asked was she being unreasonable for feeling nervous in this situation i.e.someone with alcohol or drug problems being right next to her baby, that's not unreasonable.

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The guy sitting at the next table may have had drug or alcohol problems too.... Nobody is worrying about them being near their baby....

What risk would then being homeless pose?

What was she nervous about them if she didn't think the man was going to snatch baby?

Why would he hurt a stranger's baby?

What harm does she imagine would come to her baby by them being near someone else who is homeless??

Oatycookies · 14/08/2023 21:32

Velvetstraws · 14/08/2023 21:20

I get it, I would be the same as you OP. Its a natural reaction and instinct to protect your baby, ignore people on here making out how wonderful and compassione they are towards the homeless, it's all bollocks. Anyone who knows anything knows that drink and substance misuse are a massive problem associated with homeless people so yes it would make me nervous having this kind of person next to my baby. You protect your baby at all costs regardless of what all the know it alls say on here.

Yep definitely and I don’t even have kids but if I was with any of my friends kids or little cousins I’d have the same reaction. I’ve had homeless men do very unexpected things. I had one man make a grab for my colourful hair. Once I said I didn’t have any change and this man in east London started swearing at me as he recognised my (regional) accent was the same as his and said why couldn’t I help someone from the same place.

I’ve know three different people to be racially harassed by homeless men after declining to give change.

I’ve had an old school friend open her wallet to give one pound then been menacingly told she must hand over the tenner he can see in there.

Velvetstraws · 14/08/2023 21:33

WhenIWasAFieldMyself · 14/08/2023 21:31

Protect the baby from what?

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A drug addict.. an alcoholic... someone with serious mental health problems?

WhenIWasAFieldMyself · 14/08/2023 21:33

Velvetstraws · 14/08/2023 21:29

She didn't say she was particularly worried about her baby being snatched! She asked was she being unreasonable for feeling nervous in this situation i.e.someone with alcohol or drug problems being right next to her baby, that's not unreasonable.

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Why do YOU keep inventing worries the OP never mentioned? (alcohol and drugs)

Comedycook · 14/08/2023 21:33

Lots of people on here are being very disingenuous. I bet you wouldn't take your kids to a park where drug addicts congregate.....you wouldn't take your small children for a picnic under some railway arches where homeless people are sleeping.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 14/08/2023 21:33

The number of very nice middle class mummies on here who quite happily snort coke with their oh so fair cool mates on the weekend.
the number of posters who mover their random boyfriend in after barely knowing their middle names
But yeah the biggest threat to your kids is a 30 second interaction in public with a homeless person
Ah fuck it
Tis goady bollocks anyway

WhenIWasAFieldMyself · 14/08/2023 21:34

Velvetstraws · 14/08/2023 21:33

A drug addict.. an alcoholic... someone with serious mental health problems?

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And again. The OP mentioned neither drugs or alcohol.

This is all rather about your prejudice isn't it? Maybe start your own hate thread.

00100001 · 14/08/2023 21:34

Comedycook · 14/08/2023 21:24

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Your baby was not in any actual danger but the man was most probably a drug addict and no parent is actually happy to have their baby around a drug addict who potentially used needles and is desperate for a fix.

Oh yes imagine the HORROR of a needle not being anywhere near a baby...how dreadful.

Comedycook · 14/08/2023 21:34

Sidking · 14/08/2023 21:32

There were 2 of us (me and OH), OH sat behind him, OH is a big fella this guy was tiny, he wasn't going to do anything 😂

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Well it's a shit example to your kids then.