Worried my Sons will be left with nothing

[JaffaCake70]

My Husband and I are both early 50s and have been married just over a year (together 3 years in October).

Before we met I had been renting private accommodation. When we married I moved into my Husband's house which he had been paying the mortgage on for around 5 years, he had also paid a large deposit when he moved into the property as he had sold a previous property. We now both contribute to the mortgage and all other household expenses. We re-mortgaged to the tune of £10,000 to pay for our wedding and honeymoon.

We haven't really had any serious conversations about finances apart from the agreement of how much I would pay into the home but now I'm starting to worry. I know I need to speak to my Husband about the things I'm about to discuss with you, but I just wanted to see if anyone can advise me where I stand legally before I have the conversation.

My Husband has an adult Son and Daughter, his Daughter lives with us, I have 2 adult Sons, neither of whom live with us.

We both have decent pensions, if anything should happen to him before he cashes his, I would receive it and vice versa (he would receive mine). This has all been put into place.

He has told me that if he should die before me, the proceeds of the house are being split 3 ways between me, his Son and his Daughter.

My worry is: What is being left to my Sons should I die first?

This is really playing on my mind because the way it looks to me on paper is that they wouldn't get anything.

Is there anything I can do to change this? Can I split my pension 3 ways so that my Sons get a 3rd each?

What will happen to my 3rd of the house if I were to die first? I am now paying into the house, surely my Sons should be entitled to something in the event of my death? How does it work though? For example, if I were to die in 10 years time (God forbid) but my Husband then went on to live for another 20 years, maybe even marries again, what happens to my 3rd of the property?

I'm really worried that I've put my Sons in the position of not receiving anything at all if I were to die before my Husband. I don't have any savings to bequeath to them, the only money I have of my own is my pension.

Do I have any legal standing in stating that I want my 3rd of the property to be divided between my Sons in the event of my death. I still feel it's a little unfair that my Sons would be receiving less than my Husband's children (as in his children would still receive a 3rd each, my Sons would have to share my 3rd).

I'm stressing myself out with all of this, I know I need to speak to my Husband but don't want to come across as money grabbing as I'm really not. I just want to know that my Sons will be provided for financially in the event of my death.

YABU - Your Sons should not be entitled to anything from the house

YANBU - You work just as hard as your Husband and are now paying an equal amount into the home therefore your Sons definitely are entitled to a percentage of the house.

But more than YA/YANBU opinions, please can anyone advise as to what I should do/say in this situation?

I think you need legal bc advice as I dint think he can split the property like that. It is a marital home/asset so you are entitled to half. If

I don't know the legality of mortgages and tbh you were renting so they wouldn't have got anything anyway. Take out life insurance for 50k each on the event of your death.

I'd be more worried about where I'd be living in the event of his death and ask for the clause that means you can stay in the house until you either die or go into a home.

Are you on the deeds of the house?

Wouldn't it just be easier to make sure that their is a Will in place?

OP, I’m confused about your expectation that your sons should inherit. You’ve been with your husband less than three years - what was your plan regarding inheritance for them prior to meeting a man who owned a house?

If you die before your husband, if you own the house as joint tenants then your husband can leave it to whoever he wants. He may assure you he’ll leave something to your sons but he can leave everything to his own children quite legally.

The only way for you to protect your third (and is that “official”? Does your husband agree that you somehow own a third?) is to own the house as tenants in common. You split it as you both wish - so 33% is yours, the remainder is your husbands. Then, if you die first, your share will only go to whoever you’ve left it to in your will.

I’m not sure why you think your sons should benefit equally from a house you have not contributed much to.

Sounds like he has put in a lot more than you so this may be reasonable as at the moment it is a short marriage.

I also kind of feel that if he had the house before you and he's paid the majority of the mortgage off it would be unfair to his dc to split their inheritance further with your sons. But then his house might need to be sold to fund care and I don't think people should live to give others what they worked for. I'd want to take half the equity out and go travelling when you've retired 😂

I’m not clear as to your legal rights to this property.
You say you’re ‘contributing’ to the house, how? Do you give him money towards mortgage etc rather than paying directly to the mortgage company.
Is your name on any documentation? Deeds or the property or mortgage?
If not, I’m not sure you’re entitled to anything. You’re effectively just paying him rent to live in his house.
You also need to see his will.
How much money will you have contributed to the property? You’ve only been together a year so not that much I guess.
As it stands I doubt you’re actually entitled to anything except what he (and his children) choose to give you.
In my opinion you DH has done the right thing to protect his property for his children. He should ensure you are safe to live in the property for your life span though.

You can't leave assets to your sons in your will if you don't have any assets to leave

If the house is owned by your DH then you can't bequeath a share of it your sons in your will

If you had continued to rent and not got married then would you have had any assets to leave to your sons in the event of your death?

He was the one with the assets before marriage, why would your adult sons be entitled to a share of that?

YABU - now…(only because you haven’t discussed it!
Are you “on” the mortgage (named as a mortgagee?) If not, ask your husband to add you as either a joint owner, or a tenant in common. I think that if it’s the latter, a percentage of ownership can be established.
And if you want your DC to inherit “your” percentage, you’ll have to establish that in a will with your DH (but not so that if you pre-decease him, your DC immediately hound him for money)
Start with a talk about finances, your concerns about how your DC will fare if you die, and explain that you obviously don’t want to be in a situation where his DC are disadvantaged, either - just want it to be fair for all of them.

You need legal advice, but not just around scenarios resulting from death.

You also need to be conscious that this is a short relationship that seems to have moved very quickly, it also sounds like the second marriage for both of you. You need to understand what will happen in the event of divorce and how assets will be split.

Currently, as it’s such a short marriage, a judge would very likely look at returning you both to your situation pre-nuptial.

When you say you’re now paying towards the house, what do you mean? Were you added to the mortgage? Are you on the deeds? If so, did this happen before or after the marriage? Join tenants or tenants in common?

I think you're lucky you have been allocated 1/3 if you outlive your husband.

I'm in a similar setup, but roles reversed - I am the homeowner. My husband has been willed a right to live in my house after my death, but it has been put in trust entirely for my children.

This. Why should your husband’s money be going to your sons? Seems very grabby.

Depending on the terms of your pension arrangement you can split at least the lump sum element - speak to your scheme administrator to find out what you need to do to put that in place.

On the house, you obviously need to speak to your husband but if I were you I would think carefully about how you approach this. You don't have an entitlement to 1/3 or 1/2 or the property as the op or previous comments might suggest is the case just because you're married or because your husband indicated he would leave you a proportion if he dies first. And should you if he put in a substantial deposit and paid the mortgage alone before marriage? While you're married this isn't yet a long relationship - clearly that position will shift over time and you should gain control over a portion of the property as you contribute to the mortgage and upkeep. But if you had passed 3 years ago there wasn't property to leave your sons, I'm not sure marriage should mean that changes overnight

It's not that simple and what you're thinking of here is what happens in divorce, it is marital property maybe, but its a short marriage so far. It's not the same if someone dies. If OPs name isn't on the deeds and her DH dies it will probably be split as per his will. If her name is on the deeds then it depends what form of ownership they have, joint Tennant's or Tennant's in common.

Are you on the deeds of the house?

Have you formalised what would happen if he predeceased you?

Ie you would have the right to stay in the house ?

Have either of you seen a solicitor?

How much more are you contributing to the house than when you were renting?

What would your sons have got if you weren’t married to this man and were still renting.

They’re not his children, and it’s not like he’s a stepfather who has adopted the parental role either (your sons are adults). Why should your sons get anything that he owns?

Why on earth did you spend that much on a wedding and honeymoon when you’ve got nothing for your kids ?

If you and your dh had not met and married and had both stayed single for the rest of your lives then his son and daughter would have inherited 100% of the equity in the house (or the full value if the mortgage is paid off before he dies) and your sons would have inherited whatever savings you had managed to build up before the time of your death (less any amount that has to be paid out for any care in your declining years.

In general, neither his children nor yours should be any worse off once you and your DH are both dead. That does mean that his children rightly should inherit more than yours.

However, the two households merging should be making both better off so both your children and his ought to be getting more than what would have happened if you'd both stayed single. There's only one mortgage to pay rather that mortgage plus rent, only one set of bills, food costs lower for more people due to economies of scale, and when the time comes that you both start to get too old and frail to be entirely independent, just being both in the same house will reduce care costs or postpone the time when paid-for care is needed. The benefits of those savings should be shared equally between you.

I think in this situation it would be fairest for his will to leave the house entirely to his children but giving you a life-interest to live there as long as you live. Meanwhile although yoi should make a modest contribution to the household costs this should be less than half because you and your sons aren't going to benefit from it as a capital investment as your DH and his children will. Instead you should be putting all the differences between your living costs when you were renting solo vs your contribution now into a savings account in your sole name, with your will leaving those savings to your sons.

The current setup is more likely to unfairly disinherited his children rather than yours. On average men live shorter than women and if he leaves capital to you to pass on to your sons then his children are being unreasonably deprived.

@JaukiVexnoydi makes good points.

your focus should be ensuring in the event of your DHs death you have somewhere to live. If you don’t have a life interest, I’d the pension enough to buy out your stepchildren?

second how do you own the house? It sounds like your DH is planning to leave you a third, rather than you actually own a third. So stop spending on the house as if it’s yours.

In response to those saying that I shouldn't expect my Sons to inherit anything as I haven't been with my Husband very long. I do understand your opinion and if I were to die tomorrow, yes, I agree, I haven't contributed much to the house and would not expect my Sons to inherit.

But.. if I live for another 10, 20, 30 years, I will have put a hell of a lot of money into the property and definitely think that my children should be entitled to gain financially from the years of contributions I have made.

Do you disagree? Should I just pay in for years and not expect my Sons to receive anything? Would you settle for the same after working hard and contributing for years?

Is your name on the deeds?

I don’t think you should be planning to leave any part of a house that your husband owns, to your kids. It should go to his kids.

I can’t fathom borrowing £10,000 for a wedding/honeymoon and then worrying you have nothing to leave your kids! Your priorities are skewed.

Is there 30yrs left on the mortgage?

I don't think inheritance should be an automatic right for dc. I'd rather the person enjoyed their money whilst alive. I also don't think it's fair for you to be made homeless on the event of his death! I also don't think it's fair that any money his dc would have should then be split again to take your adult dc into account. I also don't think it's fair for you to pay anything towards the mortgage unless you are owning a share of it.

Why is taking out life insurance for your dc to have not an option? Don't pay towards the mortgage and make sure you can stay in the house until you die.