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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worried my Sons will be left with nothing

574 replies

JaffaCake70 · 14/08/2023 09:10

My Husband and I are both early 50s and have been married just over a year (together 3 years in October).

Before we met I had been renting private accommodation. When we married I moved into my Husband's house which he had been paying the mortgage on for around 5 years, he had also paid a large deposit when he moved into the property as he had sold a previous property. We now both contribute to the mortgage and all other household expenses. We re-mortgaged to the tune of £10,000 to pay for our wedding and honeymoon.

We haven't really had any serious conversations about finances apart from the agreement of how much I would pay into the home but now I'm starting to worry. I know I need to speak to my Husband about the things I'm about to discuss with you, but I just wanted to see if anyone can advise me where I stand legally before I have the conversation.

My Husband has an adult Son and Daughter, his Daughter lives with us, I have 2 adult Sons, neither of whom live with us.

We both have decent pensions, if anything should happen to him before he cashes his, I would receive it and vice versa (he would receive mine). This has all been put into place.

He has told me that if he should die before me, the proceeds of the house are being split 3 ways between me, his Son and his Daughter.

My worry is: What is being left to my Sons should I die first?

This is really playing on my mind because the way it looks to me on paper is that they wouldn't get anything.

Is there anything I can do to change this? Can I split my pension 3 ways so that my Sons get a 3rd each?

What will happen to my 3rd of the house if I were to die first? I am now paying into the house, surely my Sons should be entitled to something in the event of my death? How does it work though? For example, if I were to die in 10 years time (God forbid) but my Husband then went on to live for another 20 years, maybe even marries again, what happens to my 3rd of the property?

I'm really worried that I've put my Sons in the position of not receiving anything at all if I were to die before my Husband. I don't have any savings to bequeath to them, the only money I have of my own is my pension.

Do I have any legal standing in stating that I want my 3rd of the property to be divided between my Sons in the event of my death. I still feel it's a little unfair that my Sons would be receiving less than my Husband's children (as in his children would still receive a 3rd each, my Sons would have to share my 3rd).

I'm stressing myself out with all of this, I know I need to speak to my Husband but don't want to come across as money grabbing as I'm really not. I just want to know that my Sons will be provided for financially in the event of my death.

YABU - Your Sons should not be entitled to anything from the house

YANBU - You work just as hard as your Husband and are now paying an equal amount into the home therefore your Sons definitely are entitled to a percentage of the house.

But more than YA/YANBU opinions, please can anyone advise as to what I should do/say in this situation?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Beefcurtains79 · 14/08/2023 10:34

Aren’t you just paying him rent basically? Do you think the house should be left between you, your kids and his kids?

Ragwort · 14/08/2023 10:34

5foot5 have you actually read the thread? Or at the very least the OP's updates, she has clearly said that the sons' father died many years ago.

Original poster
JaffaCake70 · 14/08/2023 10:34

Thisistyresome · 14/08/2023 10:21

You are being unwise. Don’t take legal advice from the internet. Speak to someone who is qualified.

Your expectations sounds unreasonable, but they may be less unreasonable in 20 years.

Thank you for your advice, I will

OP posts:
Annasgirl · 14/08/2023 10:35

OP, don’t pay into the property, until you get your legal rights to a share of the house clarified.

You need to talk to your husband and only agree to paying towards the house if your name is on the deeds and you have a legal share. Right now if he died, you could be left homeless. You need to sort out that issue calmly and then agree, with a solicitor, the share of the house that is yours.

if he wants to keep all the house for his children then you could perhaps change your pension to go to your sons? You need to get proper legal and financial advice. Really you both should have done this before you married him.

wagnbobble · 14/08/2023 10:35

If you have not been asked to sign any mortgage paperwork or legal paperwork to put you on the deeds then I think it’s unlikely the property is in joint names. It sounds like your husband had written a Will splitting the property in the event of his death ( I’m not a lawyer but my understanding is that if there’s no will the house would go to you as next of kin) You also keep mentioning your pension as being inheritance , but you really need to talk to the pension company to see if it does continue to pay out to others on your death ( and if so for how much and for how long ) As others have mentioned taking out a life policy with your sons as named beneficiaries may be prudent and not that expensive . You do really need to sit down with your husband and go through what legal paperwork there is , pay for legal advice and sort out wills etc.

PegasusReturns · 14/08/2023 10:35

Stop focusing on what your DC might inherit and focus on what you actually own now - the former can only follow the latter.

you are not on mortgage or deeds. If your DH has genuinely told you that you’re on mortgage and you have signed nothing he is a liar.

think about what that actually means and have your pension signed to your DC immediately.

Shinyandnew1 · 14/08/2023 10:36

My Husband has said that my name is now on the mortgage, I haven't seen it with my own eyes but I do trust him

You can’t just ‘add’ someone a mortgage, as far as I am aware. You would need to take out a new mortgage together which would involve you signing important forms, so huge alarm bells are ringing here. He could say any old crap and you wouldn’t be any the wiser. Ask him for the paperwork.

But why should I work hard/long hours and pay money into a property for the next god knows how many years if my children aren't going to gain anything at the end of it?

This is what you get with renting-as you are aware, as you have always rented. If you hadn’t met your husband-who had assets-then your renting would continue and all of the money you paid until you died wouldn’t go to your kids then either.

I suppose you could buy a house together but he would be well within his rights to protect his original equity and ring fence it for his kids. You would only be able to buy a house because of his money.

DustyLee123 · 14/08/2023 10:36

If your DH has his own pension I think you should will yours to your sons.

Shinyandnew1 · 14/08/2023 10:37

What is the approximate equity on the house now?

Someoneonlyyouknow · 14/08/2023 10:37

It's perfectly understandable that you want to leave some legacy to your children. So either your DH gives you some ownership of the house you are paying towards, you leave them your pension (if that is possible) or you start paying into some other asset for them

Original poster
JaffaCake70 · 14/08/2023 10:38

Beefcurtains79 · 14/08/2023 10:34

Aren’t you just paying him rent basically? Do you think the house should be left between you, your kids and his kids?

No, having read previous posts, I understand that as he paid a decent deposit it's probably unfair for me to expect my Sons to receive the same amount as his children.

We did re-mortgage the amount of £10,000 though, so wouldn't that kind of lessen the deposit amount by £10,000?

I'm getting very confused. Maths and logic were never my strong points 😬

OP posts:
Clefable · 14/08/2023 10:39

Look into the pension stuff. It may be that once you are claiming it, it can only go to a spouse upon your death. My mum's pensions could only go to a spouse at a reduced rate or to children under the age of 18 or something like that.

Original poster
JaffaCake70 · 14/08/2023 10:39

Shinyandnew1 · 14/08/2023 10:37

What is the approximate equity on the house now?

I'll have to find out. I'm starting to feel very stupid. I know very little about the house, the finances, any wills etc.

I need a serious conversation with DH

OP posts:
Original poster
JaffaCake70 · 14/08/2023 10:40

Clefable · 14/08/2023 10:39

Look into the pension stuff. It may be that once you are claiming it, it can only go to a spouse upon your death. My mum's pensions could only go to a spouse at a reduced rate or to children under the age of 18 or something like that.

Thank you. I will look into this asap

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 14/08/2023 10:41

I’d get his part ring fenced, then go 50:50 on the rest. You leave all of yours to your kids, with him having a life interest in the house. In other words he gets to live in the house until he’s dead or can’t maintain it.

DustyLee123 · 14/08/2023 10:42

And you must get a will. You need advice from your own solicitor, dint just go along with what he tells you.

Shinyandnew1 · 14/08/2023 10:42

I understand that as he paid a decent deposit it's probably unfair for me to expect my Sons to receive the same amount as his children.

Probably, yes!

What would you be leaving them if you hadn’t met a man with assets?

Original poster
JaffaCake70 · 14/08/2023 10:42

Someoneonlyyouknow · 14/08/2023 10:37

It's perfectly understandable that you want to leave some legacy to your children. So either your DH gives you some ownership of the house you are paying towards, you leave them your pension (if that is possible) or you start paying into some other asset for them

Thank you, I don't think it's unreasonable to want to leave them a bit of something is it? 🙁

OP posts:
5128gap · 14/08/2023 10:42

Bluntly, you would be morally entitled to bequeath to your son any assets you had accrued in your life time. However, you would be legally entitled to bequeath to him those assets, plus any assets of your husband's you had managed to secure a legal entitlement to.
Your first step is to get your own finances on to secure legal footing via discussion with your husband and independent legal advice. After that you will know what's yours to bequeath when the time comes.

caringcarer · 14/08/2023 10:43

Is the house mortgaged as tenants in common, with you as 33 percent and DH as 66 percent? If that is the case you can ask for a clause if your DH dies before you, you can remain in the house until you die and if you die first DH remains in the house until he dies. If you are on deeds for 33 percent tenants in common then you can leave your 33 percent to your 2 son's. You could also take out a life insurance policy to split between your 2 DS's for when you die. You would have to pay that every month. You need to speak with your DH and you need to definitely make a will or your DH would get everything.

drpet49 · 14/08/2023 10:43

You keep going on about if you live 20 years you’ll be contributing a lot to the house.

Apart from the mortgage which I doubt has 20 years left what is this enormous sum of money you’ll be contributing to the house????

HamBone · 14/08/2023 10:43

I agree with PP’s that you can’t have been added to the mortgage without signing some paperwork-so your DH has that wrong. You’re just paying him rent.

Right now, you may have no right to stay in the house if he passes away (his children could force a sale) so you must speak to him about having a life interest in the property.

I personally think that your idea of taking out a life insurance policy to benefit your children would be a good idea.

Original poster
JaffaCake70 · 14/08/2023 10:44

Shinyandnew1 · 14/08/2023 10:42

I understand that as he paid a decent deposit it's probably unfair for me to expect my Sons to receive the same amount as his children.

Probably, yes!

What would you be leaving them if you hadn’t met a man with assets?

But the fact that I didn't have anything before doesn't take away from the fact that I am now paying a substantial monthly amount into the house, and may well be doing for the next 20 or so years.

Am I wrong to expect that after that time and work and money I shouldn't expect anything to be left to my children in the event of my death?

OP posts:
Dahlia82 · 14/08/2023 10:44

Get some life insurance and leave it in trust solely for your sons.

DixonD · 14/08/2023 10:45

You can’t leave a share of the property to anyone unless you legally own it. You must be on the deeds, otherwise he can do as he wishes. As his spouse, if you’re not happy with what he has left you, you can contest the will.

I’m surprised he’s not left you with a life interest in the property though, because as it stands you’ll have to sell the home you live in when he dies so his children can have their shares. Do you want to be doing this when you are potentially in your very later years?