Worried my Sons will be left with nothing

[JaffaCake70]

My Husband and I are both early 50s and have been married just over a year (together 3 years in October).

Before we met I had been renting private accommodation. When we married I moved into my Husband's house which he had been paying the mortgage on for around 5 years, he had also paid a large deposit when he moved into the property as he had sold a previous property. We now both contribute to the mortgage and all other household expenses. We re-mortgaged to the tune of £10,000 to pay for our wedding and honeymoon.

We haven't really had any serious conversations about finances apart from the agreement of how much I would pay into the home but now I'm starting to worry. I know I need to speak to my Husband about the things I'm about to discuss with you, but I just wanted to see if anyone can advise me where I stand legally before I have the conversation.

My Husband has an adult Son and Daughter, his Daughter lives with us, I have 2 adult Sons, neither of whom live with us.

We both have decent pensions, if anything should happen to him before he cashes his, I would receive it and vice versa (he would receive mine). This has all been put into place.

He has told me that if he should die before me, the proceeds of the house are being split 3 ways between me, his Son and his Daughter.

My worry is: What is being left to my Sons should I die first?

This is really playing on my mind because the way it looks to me on paper is that they wouldn't get anything.

Is there anything I can do to change this? Can I split my pension 3 ways so that my Sons get a 3rd each?

What will happen to my 3rd of the house if I were to die first? I am now paying into the house, surely my Sons should be entitled to something in the event of my death? How does it work though? For example, if I were to die in 10 years time (God forbid) but my Husband then went on to live for another 20 years, maybe even marries again, what happens to my 3rd of the property?

I'm really worried that I've put my Sons in the position of not receiving anything at all if I were to die before my Husband. I don't have any savings to bequeath to them, the only money I have of my own is my pension.

Do I have any legal standing in stating that I want my 3rd of the property to be divided between my Sons in the event of my death. I still feel it's a little unfair that my Sons would be receiving less than my Husband's children (as in his children would still receive a 3rd each, my Sons would have to share my 3rd).

I'm stressing myself out with all of this, I know I need to speak to my Husband but don't want to come across as money grabbing as I'm really not. I just want to know that my Sons will be provided for financially in the event of my death.

YABU - Your Sons should not be entitled to anything from the house

YANBU - You work just as hard as your Husband and are now paying an equal amount into the home therefore your Sons definitely are entitled to a percentage of the house.

But more than YA/YANBU opinions, please can anyone advise as to what I should do/say in this situation?

OP,

You need to see a solicitor before talking with your husband.

Logic and maths are my strong point. There are several valid, competing viewpoints re inheritance claims. The solicitor will help you think through them. I like @MontyDonsBlueScarf ’s idea that your sons’ claims grow over time as your contributions increase. A specialist solicitor knows how to word a will to reflect this continuous increase, if you like this option. Other good ideas have been suggested.

What is not valid is for your husband to claim you have been added to the mortgage or deeds if you have not signed anything. Think back carefully. How formal was this conversation? Could there have been an element of planning or even wishful thinking, or did your husband make a bald, factual statement that was not true? In the latter case I am sorry to say you have bigger problems than the inheritance question, and I would not trust him about anything.

This thread has possibly gotten very painful, and I am so sorry.

Yes, this.

OP, was your husband married to the step-children's mother, but they didn't have a wedding/honeymoon? Or did he never marry her?

If I were you I’d have my legal/financial chats BEFORE I speak to DH.

This might be an oversight on his part OR it could be intentional.

I don’t mean to be rude but you sound financially niave (not sure re mort/deeds/loan/length of mort)
and it’s possible he is reducing his bills with your income….

This is the definition of money grabbing and golddigging. Are you going to be one of those stepmums that try to weedle the inheritance from your stepkids to give to your own?
Can't stand people like this who cba to sort out their own finances and look for some poor bugger else's money instead. If you want your dc to inherit start saving and investing for them yourself but of course that won't happen.

And, married or not, how long did the step-children's mother live in and contribute to the house?

You keep talk about paying into the house but how much and how does this compare to your previous rent?
Was your rent and bills more than you are paying now; if so can’t you try and save some money for your DC’s?
If you are paying more now then presumably you are living in a much larger/better house so gaining the advantage of that.

I came to this realisation in my 40s and took out a very large life insurance policy. The whole thing will cost me £27,000 in total providing I snuff it before a certain day which I most likely will. It really is a bet against yourself. But it’s what I plan on winning.

Taking out life insurance at 50+ is not a great move.

We had life insurance in our 30s when I was partly a SAHM but we cashed it in and stopped it after some years . The payout wasn't worth the investment and the premiums increase a lot as you get older.

The whole idea is ridiculous here, OP, because if you are paying towards the house, whatever you invest is yours, plus inflation weighted value.

You (both?) seem very lacking in financial know- how, unless your husband is taking you for a ride. I'd be seriously questioning his behaviour.

You need to take your blinders off and get proper legal advice. You need a rational conversation with DH with all paperwork available to you to review. Do not be a fool here and assume DH has it all correct and you won't be financially fucked in the morning if he pops it. The sons inheritance is a side point OP (but life insurance is probably best bet and maybe reorganizing your pension) because it sounds like you haven't a breeze what way your house or mortgage is organised.

What would they have had if you’d been paying rent?

you’re unlikely to be entitled to half of an asset brought into a marriage after 3 years.

I'm not voting because this isn't really an AIBU question.
See a solicitor about making a will that achieves what you want.

Yeah I do think yabu if you were still renting would you feel morally wronged that you left them nothing then ? Your husband has paid in a hell of a lot more to that house than you will in your remaining years , large deposit monthly payments stupidly remortgaging for a wedding, maybe you should just pay the house bills and he the mortgage to save any dramas over who gets what because I think that home is his and his kids. Your kids are your problem not his and his children’s and you had no issue leaving them nothing until you had a man with a house

OP this is what my sister did when she remarried. She owned the house outright because her first DH died of a massive heart attack at 41 leaving her with 3 young children. After 7 years she remarried, 2 of her DC were late teens by then and youngest 12. Her second DH had 2 DC from his previous marriage and a lump sum he got after his divorce. They agreed DH2 could live in house for life after they had been married for 5 years and my sister's DC would inherit upon the death of the new StepDad. He invested his money for his DC. His pension would go to my sister. My sister only had a small pension but that would go to new DH. My sister had some savings but not a huge amount. That would pay for her funeral then her DC would split what was left at the time between them. She had a will drawn up to reflect these wishes. My sister inherited from our Mum and she shared her share with her adult DC at the time she got it so no misunderstanding later. My sister and her DH have now been married for 25 years and also have a joint bank account and if she does first DH will keep that money. It doesn't have to be seen as grabby to want your DC to inherit something from you. I know my sister has left a few nice pieces of jewelry to her step daughter and step granddaughters. Her new DH has already given his DC his investments as deposits for their houses.

He paid a deposit and 5 years of the mortgage. If the op pays jointly for the next 20 years of the mortgage she has also contributed and her sons should have her share

OP, this is a very good example of what can be done.

It was his before they married and he put a large amount in to it on purchase so it's not so simple as she gets half.

Assuming he wholly owns the house currently and has made a will leaving his estate, including the house, between you and his 2 DC, there are 3 possible outcomes:

1. he dies first. In this case, you would inherit a third of his estate and could leave that to your DC when you die. However, the house would have to be sold on his death and one third of the equity may not give you enough to buy another house so you may end up spending a large part of it on rent. I would be asking for him to provide for you to have a life interest so you can continue to live in the house until you die, and only then it gets sold and proceeds divided.
2. you die first. In this case, your DC get nothing. You could ask him to amend the will so that if you die first, the share he would otherwise leave to you on his death goes to your DC. However, even if he agrees there is nothing to stop him changing his will later. I think you therefore need to take out life insurance to provide for your DC as suggested (with a corresponding reduction in what you contribute to the mortgage). Alternatively (or in addition) you could agree with your DH that you will get an interest in the house over time, e.g. a 10% interest after 5 years, 20% after 10 years, up to a third (if that is the right number). This can be written into the title up front. As your interest increases you can then reduce the insurance coverage. If you do get an interest in the property, then i think you would want to give each other life interests in your respective shares so the surviving spouse can stay in the house until death.
3. you divorce before either of you dies. In this case, there would be an equitable division of the assets (whoever owns them). People refer to 50:50 division as the starting point but unlikely in your case with no dependents etc, although will depend on length of marriage, Whatever you get on divorce would then be part of your estate on death.

If you are already on the title deeds, then the starting point will be to determine what interest you have, e.g. are you joint tenants or tenants in common with one third: two third shares. I think you can probably get at least part of the info from land registry. the implications in the 3 scenarios above will depend on your current interest. As others have noted, it is unlikely that you will have an interest without having had to sign forms etc, and the mortgage company would require any new part owner to also be bound by the mortgage. If he has lied to you about this, that would make me very wary and in your shoes i would stop paying any of the mortgage or for improvements etc. until something is sorted

OP I’ve only read your posts so apologies if other people have said this, but you being married is meaningless if your husband dies, you’re not on the mortgage and he leaves his house to his children. They will be able to sell the house from under you and make you homeless.

There are mechanisms in place that he can write into his will so you must be allowed to stay in the house for the rest of your life, but his children will still own the house, but none of that is automatic and he would have to get a lawyer to draw that up properly.

But it sounds like at the moment you have absolutely no protection at all. I wouldn’t be worrying about your sons, I’d be worrying about yourself in the first instance.

I think you need to get the house valued and then you can be clear what your husband contributed up to the point you moved in and started contributing too.
The only thing is - if you turn around and say you want your pension to go to your kids - he might turn around and say he wants his pension to go to his kids then too. But in reality this might be a good solution to your concerns as your sons would have got your pension before you married anyway.
Personally, I would just raise the issue with your husband - ie I have been thinking about my son's inheritance after my death - and leave it to him to suggest solutions. You might find he is more generous if he comes up with the solutions and this would avoid you looking grabby by suggesting things with his asset/money yourself. My sister works full time and her hubby part-time and he was concerned about if they ever split up he would have a poor pension - so when he raised it with her she suggested she help him buy a rental property as his pension investment.
You are married - this is a problem for you to solve together.

Why don't you track your contributions until you have paid off the £5000 of his equity that was spent on your half of the wedding /honeymoon and then return to the conversation?

If you want legal advice you need to consult a lawyer. Getting advice from random people on the internet is a false economy. But it sounds as if your only significant asset at present is your pension. If you die before you get your pension, there is likely to be a lump sum death-in-service benefit which you can leave to your sons.

You need to establish what your position is at the moment, before spending money on legal fees.

A pp has linked to the Gov.uk site where you can check the ownership situation. The Land Registry will be able to tell you if you have any legal interest in the property and also will give information on outstanding mortgages so you will know what needs to be paid off.

You then need to talk to your husband.

He may not have got round to formalising your legal position, but he may also have been dishonest about putting you on the mortgage and giving you an interest in the house but it worth trying to have a neutral and constructive discussion first.

If you currently do not own any part of the property and your husband is not willing to formalise the arrangements, you will need to talk to a solicitor at that point to assess the options for leaving an inheritance to your children. It may be that you pay an element of rent and bills, but that this is reduced due to the fact that you do not have a legal entitlement to the house. You could then invest / save money for your retirement and children with anything over.

As others have said seek legal advice.
It doesn't sound like your on the mortgage at all you have to sign, even if done online you need email addresses contact details etc

Why should your sons inherit anything from this property . It's not theirs to inherit . You were renting before your short term marriage and contributing to running the home now is no different from normal living costs renting .
I think they could inherit and pension provision left and assets going forward but morally they should inherit your husbands asset before you married .

Should not inherit