Worried my Sons will be left with nothing

[JaffaCake70]

My Husband and I are both early 50s and have been married just over a year (together 3 years in October).

Before we met I had been renting private accommodation. When we married I moved into my Husband's house which he had been paying the mortgage on for around 5 years, he had also paid a large deposit when he moved into the property as he had sold a previous property. We now both contribute to the mortgage and all other household expenses. We re-mortgaged to the tune of £10,000 to pay for our wedding and honeymoon.

We haven't really had any serious conversations about finances apart from the agreement of how much I would pay into the home but now I'm starting to worry. I know I need to speak to my Husband about the things I'm about to discuss with you, but I just wanted to see if anyone can advise me where I stand legally before I have the conversation.

My Husband has an adult Son and Daughter, his Daughter lives with us, I have 2 adult Sons, neither of whom live with us.

We both have decent pensions, if anything should happen to him before he cashes his, I would receive it and vice versa (he would receive mine). This has all been put into place.

He has told me that if he should die before me, the proceeds of the house are being split 3 ways between me, his Son and his Daughter.

My worry is: What is being left to my Sons should I die first?

This is really playing on my mind because the way it looks to me on paper is that they wouldn't get anything.

Is there anything I can do to change this? Can I split my pension 3 ways so that my Sons get a 3rd each?

What will happen to my 3rd of the house if I were to die first? I am now paying into the house, surely my Sons should be entitled to something in the event of my death? How does it work though? For example, if I were to die in 10 years time (God forbid) but my Husband then went on to live for another 20 years, maybe even marries again, what happens to my 3rd of the property?

I'm really worried that I've put my Sons in the position of not receiving anything at all if I were to die before my Husband. I don't have any savings to bequeath to them, the only money I have of my own is my pension.

Do I have any legal standing in stating that I want my 3rd of the property to be divided between my Sons in the event of my death. I still feel it's a little unfair that my Sons would be receiving less than my Husband's children (as in his children would still receive a 3rd each, my Sons would have to share my 3rd).

I'm stressing myself out with all of this, I know I need to speak to my Husband but don't want to come across as money grabbing as I'm really not. I just want to know that my Sons will be provided for financially in the event of my death.

YABU - Your Sons should not be entitled to anything from the house

YANBU - You work just as hard as your Husband and are now paying an equal amount into the home therefore your Sons definitely are entitled to a percentage of the house.

But more than YA/YANBU opinions, please can anyone advise as to what I should do/say in this situation?

I think you approach this conversation by saying to your DH that you need to discuss your wills. You should probably also both get legal advice, and you some financial advice.

Not sure why you think your DH's assets should be inherited by your (adult) son's? In 20 or 30 years time there are likely to be grandchildren too so your wills may be amended in time. If you want to make some provision for your son's you could start a savings account or a life insurance policy, how much you put into it will form part of your discussions.

I don't understand why you keep mentioning your third of the house.

It sounds as if you haven't actually got a third of the house now, and you'd only get it if your husband died first. In that case you don't need to worry about what would happen if you died first.

I would stop thinking about thirds and start thinking about what's fair and reasonable in a situation where he's put a lot more into the house than you have. I'd also bear in mind that, as you're now making a contribution to the house, over time the contribution from each of you will become more equal. This means that anything that'[s fair now might not be quite so fair in the future. But there's no way you can finalise that now without knowing how much you're going to put in over your lifetimes. You need to aim for something that seems fair now and for the next 3/5/whatever years, and then review it at the end of that period.

I am quite annoyed because this is a conversation you should have had with your husband to be BEFORE you got married!!

You need to sit down with him now and say all that you have here, and see what his views are!

Thank you for your response.

My Husband has said that my name is now on the mortgage, I haven't seen it with my own eyes but I do trust him. Does this mean that in the event of my death, my 3rd of the property would go to my Sons when my Husband passes?

I know a lot of people are getting annoyed here and saying that I shouldn't expect my Sons to inherit anything. But if I were to live say another 20 years, and remain married and in this house (you never know what could happen in the future, nothing is certain) I will have contributed a lot of money to the property.

I wasn't really asking for people's moral opinions, as I know people will have lots of different opinions and they have a right to that. I'm more interested in anyone who works in a legal capacity or has knowledge of where I stand legally.

Yes, I was renting before I met my Husband and no, I wouldn't have had anything other than my pension to leave to my Sons. But my circumstances changed, I am married now and I believe that that means I now have certain entitlements, especially as I am now paying quite a large amount of my wages into the house. Do people expect me to do that for the forseeable, which could be the next 20 or so years, and not expect to leave anything at all from the house to my Sons?

It sounds like you don't own a third of the house until your husband passes. You're being left a third in the will. If you died first you don't have a third to leave your sons, you don't own a share in the property?

OP you haven't answered the question - is your name on the deeds?

Also who knows how long you will live! You had virtually nothing before you married and now expect your husband to provide for your adult sons as well as his own children upon his death? Ideally you should each have the house to live in upon the first person's death for as long as you need it.

Why can't you save money now to will to your sons?

How many years are left on the mortgage? Surely if you seek legal advice - they'd only take into account how much you've paid into the mortgage and 10,000 of that is a remortgage for expenses that are not house related.

The important thing is what the deeds of the house say. You can get a copy of the deeds and look for yourself.

Joint tenants- you both own all of the house ( like a joint bank account). If one of you does the other one automatically gets the house. You cannot leave the house to anyone in your will unless the other owner is already dead.

Tenants in common- you each own a stated share and can bequeath that in your will.

Your husband paid "a large deposit" and has been paying into the mortgage for longer than you. Yet you think it's unfair your children will receive less?

Your husband's deposit percentage should be ring-fenced for his children at the very least.

My grandfather married again and his second wife lived for 20 years more than he did. Yet the house was his. Do you think her children should be entitled to the same amount as my mum? It was her parents' money in the property in the first place. Just because she outlived him doesn't mean her children have an equal claim.

Do your children have a father to leave them anything in his will?

This is very sound advice that makes a lot of sense to me logically.

So I need to speak to my Husband and say that if I were to pass away, say, next year, I wouldn't expect my Sons to inherit anything. But if I were to live another 10, 20 years and still be married and living in the property, I would expect some sort of bequeathment for my Sons, as at that point I will have contributed a lot of money into the house.

It's the fact that I have also made my Husband the sole beneficiary of my pension. I'm now thinking I might change that and leave it to my Sons. That way at least they will get something in the event of my death.

Thank you

I know, and I agree. I do feel quite stupid tbh

You're not on the mortgage, if you were you would know as you'd have needed to liaise with the bank directly, sign paperwork and show various documents. He's taking your money and lying to you 🤷‍♀️ you won't be on the deeds either. He could have left you a third in his will but if you haven't seen it I wouldn't bet on it, why hasn't he made you executor? Again if he had you'd know. If I were you I'd insist on seeing documents and take legal advice before giving this man any more money!

Your name can't be on the mortgage if you haven't seen or signed any paperwork for it so I would follow that up and find out what he actually means.

The question is whether you are registered on the title as having a share (either tenants in common or joint tenants) of the property. Frankly if you don't know the answer to that then I doubt you are on the title or the mortgage.

This.

Honestly, discussing this with a solicitor and your DH would be the best option. Many will give 30 minutes free consultation. It doesn't have to be money-grabbing on either side, just the most sensible way to ensure security for you both and for you to build some asset (probably life policy) for your sons. All the adult children will hopefully be financially secure long before wither will is implemented

I have to say if I was your husband I'd be very upset that you expect your grown up sons who have never lived in our house as a family to receive a share of it. You have only been married for a short time. He bought the house, with a large deposit before you moved in.

You may be contributing to the costs of living together but you were paying rent before.
It does sound a little gold diggerish to me

Blended families and marriages when you already have kids do complicate things tbh. Another consideration is if you are tenants in common and one of you dies the other beneficiaries could effectively turn you out of your home to realise their share. Therefore you should both consider giving the other one a lifetime interest in the house.

You are being unwise. Don’t take legal advice from the internet. Speak to someone who is qualified.

Your expectations sounds unreasonable, but they may be less unreasonable in 20 years.

No, my Sons don't have a Father, sadly he passed away when he was very young.

I agree with you about the deposit being ring fenced and maybe you're right that my Sons shouldn't receive as much as his children.

There is a PP here who has said that now we are married I am entitled to half of the property though...

It's all a bit of a mine field. I wouldn't take his children's inheritance but I'm really confused about the legalities of everything.

Maybe I need to seek legal advice but first things first I need to bite the bullet and speak to my Husband.

I knew before writing this post that a lot of responses would be that I'm money grabbing and trying to take that that isn't mine to take.

The truth is that I'm not money minded at all, I would just like to think that something, even if it's just a few thousand, would be going to my Sons in the event of my death. I think most parents would want their children to have something?

And it's very common in second marriages with adult children for each parent to will their share of things to their children, not partners. My mum remarried but when she died everything was left to me including her share of the house. My stepdad has a life rent, so he can live there till he dies or downsized, but then the money comes to me. My stepdad receives part of her pension as that only goes to spouses but otherwise he hasn't got anything from her estate. If he had died, it would have been the same the other way; my mum would have received nothing and his share would have gone to his children. But they were both financially sound individuals before they met and don't need the other's money to live.

The problem here is that you don't seem to have any money or assets and he does, although if you're remortgaging for a wedding I imagine he doesn't have much except the house either. It gets a lot murkier when one person hasn't put anything in and another person has. You'll want to revisit it in the long term, when you can reasonably expect to be entitled to a share of the house, and perhaps consider tenants in common, so he can will his share of the house to his kids and yours to your kids, once you have a share.

Thank you. I needed this.

I knew I'd be attacked to a degree on this post. But why should I work hard/long hours and pay money into a property for the next god knows how many years if my children aren't going to gain anything at the end of it?

It doesn't make sense to me that people are saying that because my Husband had the house before we met I should just be happy with him taking my money and leaving it to his children. I really don't understand why anyone would do that?

Surely if I pay into the property for a number of years my children should be entitled to something in the event of my death?

Thank you for this, very sound advice and much appreciated.

If you were worried about an inheritance for your DC then you should have done something about that before now. I would suggest, as others have done, that you take out a life insurance policy with them as the beneficiaries.

Also you keep mentioning having to put money into the house for the next 10 or 20 years. You're both in your 50s, how long is realistically left on that mortgage?

Since your sons don't live with you they are presumably independent adults so do they actually need to inherit anything from you. Many people don't. Is their father still alive. Maybe they will inherit from him.