Worried my Sons will be left with nothing

[JaffaCake70]

My Husband and I are both early 50s and have been married just over a year (together 3 years in October).

Before we met I had been renting private accommodation. When we married I moved into my Husband's house which he had been paying the mortgage on for around 5 years, he had also paid a large deposit when he moved into the property as he had sold a previous property. We now both contribute to the mortgage and all other household expenses. We re-mortgaged to the tune of £10,000 to pay for our wedding and honeymoon.

We haven't really had any serious conversations about finances apart from the agreement of how much I would pay into the home but now I'm starting to worry. I know I need to speak to my Husband about the things I'm about to discuss with you, but I just wanted to see if anyone can advise me where I stand legally before I have the conversation.

My Husband has an adult Son and Daughter, his Daughter lives with us, I have 2 adult Sons, neither of whom live with us.

We both have decent pensions, if anything should happen to him before he cashes his, I would receive it and vice versa (he would receive mine). This has all been put into place.

He has told me that if he should die before me, the proceeds of the house are being split 3 ways between me, his Son and his Daughter.

My worry is: What is being left to my Sons should I die first?

This is really playing on my mind because the way it looks to me on paper is that they wouldn't get anything.

Is there anything I can do to change this? Can I split my pension 3 ways so that my Sons get a 3rd each?

What will happen to my 3rd of the house if I were to die first? I am now paying into the house, surely my Sons should be entitled to something in the event of my death? How does it work though? For example, if I were to die in 10 years time (God forbid) but my Husband then went on to live for another 20 years, maybe even marries again, what happens to my 3rd of the property?

I'm really worried that I've put my Sons in the position of not receiving anything at all if I were to die before my Husband. I don't have any savings to bequeath to them, the only money I have of my own is my pension.

Do I have any legal standing in stating that I want my 3rd of the property to be divided between my Sons in the event of my death. I still feel it's a little unfair that my Sons would be receiving less than my Husband's children (as in his children would still receive a 3rd each, my Sons would have to share my 3rd).

I'm stressing myself out with all of this, I know I need to speak to my Husband but don't want to come across as money grabbing as I'm really not. I just want to know that my Sons will be provided for financially in the event of my death.

YABU - Your Sons should not be entitled to anything from the house

YANBU - You work just as hard as your Husband and are now paying an equal amount into the home therefore your Sons definitely are entitled to a percentage of the house.

But more than YA/YANBU opinions, please can anyone advise as to what I should do/say in this situation?

Get legal advice.

This should have been sorted before your marriage.

You need to see a solicitor.

I doubt you can seriously expect your own adult children to benefit financially as they are step children and adults.

It's very common in later, 2nd marriages for each spouse to leave assets only to their biological children.

Many though allow the spouse to live there for life, then the assets when it is sold go to the the owner's children.

In your case, there could be a compromise where if you live longer than your H, you live in the house for life, then when it is sold, a percentage goes to his children and a lower amount to yours, based on what each of you put into it- equity as a deposit and mortgage payments .

As you are paying towards the mortgage now, presumably you are a joint owner? If not, you ought to be.

I am rather shocked at £10K on a wedding and honeymoon but no conversations about something far more serious like this issue.

Do check with your pension provider if you can transfer your pension to your adult children. I know mine is spouses , partners and under the age of majority children only.

And since your husband appears to have lied to you about your inclusion on the mortgage/ deeds I wouldn’t take his word for it about any will change he agrees to, the will could be changed the next day and you would be none the wiser.

I feel sorry for his kids. You certainly saw him coming.

Definitely legal advice is needed, they will have dealt with similar situations before. I would say get it done asap. My stepmum died and then my dad suddenly died six weeks later, they were only in their 60s. Unbelievably, they did not have wills, and left a terrible mess for my and my dsis. The worst part of it all was the permanent damage to our relationship with the step family.

Thank you for your wonderful advice, I was starting to think I'm a horrible grabby cow!

I need a conversation with my Husband today, and I need to look at taking out life insurance for my Sons.

Thank you to everyone who's taken the time out of their day to respond, even those of you who think I'm a grabby cow 😬

OP's husband wants her to financially contribute towards an asset, potentially for decades, in order to leave it to his children and not hers.

I rather think they all saw her coming, actually!

OP, is your husband divorced or widowed?

Do your adult stepchildren still have a living mother, or did their dad's marriage end with her death?

Seriously, you can't expect anons here to sort this for you.

It's legal and complex.

It's actually a bit shocking that 2 mature adults, remarrying, can't predict the issue in advance and get legal advice .

2nd marriages where there are children from other marriages are common and there are various ways to protect the assets of whoever has the most, but won't leave the remaining spouse homeless.

Go and see a solicitor.

Firstly, this website will tell you whether you are on the deeds (and I think) mortgage https://www.gov.uk/search-property-information-land-registry

How many more years left on the mort? You say you’ll be paying for 20 years - are you sure?

How much more was your rent? Do consider that paying the mort is paying for the roof over your head, not just a legacy.

Regardless I would open life policy purely for your DC.

While you can argue 50:50 in the case of divorce (and this might not be granted due to pre marriage deposit), I think your DH would will the property to his DC - do you know if you are tenants in common or joint?

I suspect you aren’t on the mort/deeds at all…

You need independent legal advice. And possibly a chat with a financial advisor.

In your position I’d do some fact finding then decide next steps.

My sister is in a similar position but she is the equivalent of your husband, I thought she was mental getting remarried to someone with nothing but there you go. Her will states that her DH can live in her house which she owns outright and is worth around 350k after her death until his death. So her children inherit everything but they may have to wait if my sister dies first. I love my sister but she always was a bit daft. I mean he brought zero assets.

Your husband probably knows exactly what he is doing.

why should I contribute to a mortgage that my children won't benefit from in the event of my death? I might aswell still be renting as it would just be dead money to me

You still need to pay your way though, obviously. How much were you paying in rent/bills before and how much were you paying now?

How was that amount decided, @JaffaCake70 -I would have thought then was the time to have a discussion about finances going forward.

Could you pay less than what you were paying on your rent into the house, so he is getting a benefit for your being there and then you pay the rest into a savings account for your kids, so that you are getting a benefit as well.

It really all depends on whether you are joint tenants or tenants in common. Legally speaking that is.
So if you are joint tenants then you each own the property and if one of you dies then the other gets the property. This is true for things like joint accounts etc.
If you are tenants in common then you own the portion specified. It sounds like he may have set it up so you are tenants in common with your portion being one third.

It is not correct to say that as you are married you default to 50/50 on everything especially given the marriage is short (ofc it may be long we don't know that) but the point is depending on how the property is owned that influences what happens.

I'm not sure why you have both set up the pensions that way either but you could look at passing the pension on to your sons rather than to him (presumably he sorted his own pension out to meet his needs before you died).
Why don't you sit down together with a solicitor and draw up your wills in tandem rather than bits of conversation about it? You can then have a proper discussion about the what ifs scenario and also what you think is fair.

Surely the answer is to have legal documents drawn up setting aside the current value of your husband asset in the house to be split 3 ways, and any remaining asset built up between now and his/your death to be split 3 ways as appropriate.

The actual problem here is that your husband isn’t treating the future asset in the house as marital assets, if you divorced they certainly would be.

You need to get the values calculate and each own a share in the property. Eg if he has put down 40% value so far his share will be 70% and yours 30%

Just as a foot note:

It was first wedding for both of us, we wanted it to be special and wanted a big party with all of our family there.

I had only been out of the country once before so we splashed out on a nice honeymoon.

I understand people thinking this is ridiculous but people are allowed to be ridiculous once in a lifetime aren't they?

I’d have a big think about life insurance as if you stop paying for any reason, you get nothing. Might be better to invest some money or get premium bonds instead.

Sorry if ive missed it, but how many more years are left on the mortgage? Obviously if you’re paying it for another 20 years, it would be understandable you might want part of it left to your Sons. However, it has only been your property for a very short period of time. How many years has your Husband/ex wife been paying the mortgage for?

You really don't need life insurance!

As you get older the premiums increase. Often the payout is not worth it and as you are already 50+ it may not pay much at all.

why do you think you need life insurance for adult children?

Life insurance used to be for the spouse to have a bit of money if there was no pension from their spouse, or to pay funeral costs.

I was in your position and we drew up a will that proportioned things out and had a sort of tapering clause so the longer we were together the more my contribution would be recognised. We are due to rewrite the wills as circumstances have changed and I've put more into the house to pay off the mortgage.

Where does the 30% come from? Was this done through a solicitor? You would have needed to discuss if you are Joint Tenants or Tenants in Common. You can only leave your share of the house if you are Tenants in Common. The fact that he says he is leaving the house to his children means you are not on the deeds, which means you don't own the house. You're just paying his mortgage.

I believe you need a chat with a proper solicitor, not MN advice.

Bloody hell.

I would say if you have no recollection of providing proof of earnings and payslips and signing a mortgage form and providing proof of ID to the solicitor etc and don;t know how long left is on that mortgage, you are definitely not on it!

You need to sort this out NOW.

Did your stepchildren's mother live in and contribute to the house in the past?

I don't understand.

A first wedding for you both?

Have neither of you ever been married?

Are you divorced, always single, ???

Get legal advice.

If your husband feels the house should only be for his children down the line, but expects you to keep paying the new hefty mortgage with him, that will need to be addressed because that is unfair.

Someone suggested life insurance policies with your sons as beneficiaries. Perhaps look into that option and instead of paying towards the mortgage, pay your share of bills and pay insurance premiums for your sons.

Again, get legal advice. And then talk to your husband.