Worried my Sons will be left with nothing

[JaffaCake70]

My Husband and I are both early 50s and have been married just over a year (together 3 years in October).

Before we met I had been renting private accommodation. When we married I moved into my Husband's house which he had been paying the mortgage on for around 5 years, he had also paid a large deposit when he moved into the property as he had sold a previous property. We now both contribute to the mortgage and all other household expenses. We re-mortgaged to the tune of £10,000 to pay for our wedding and honeymoon.

We haven't really had any serious conversations about finances apart from the agreement of how much I would pay into the home but now I'm starting to worry. I know I need to speak to my Husband about the things I'm about to discuss with you, but I just wanted to see if anyone can advise me where I stand legally before I have the conversation.

My Husband has an adult Son and Daughter, his Daughter lives with us, I have 2 adult Sons, neither of whom live with us.

We both have decent pensions, if anything should happen to him before he cashes his, I would receive it and vice versa (he would receive mine). This has all been put into place.

He has told me that if he should die before me, the proceeds of the house are being split 3 ways between me, his Son and his Daughter.

My worry is: What is being left to my Sons should I die first?

This is really playing on my mind because the way it looks to me on paper is that they wouldn't get anything.

Is there anything I can do to change this? Can I split my pension 3 ways so that my Sons get a 3rd each?

What will happen to my 3rd of the house if I were to die first? I am now paying into the house, surely my Sons should be entitled to something in the event of my death? How does it work though? For example, if I were to die in 10 years time (God forbid) but my Husband then went on to live for another 20 years, maybe even marries again, what happens to my 3rd of the property?

I'm really worried that I've put my Sons in the position of not receiving anything at all if I were to die before my Husband. I don't have any savings to bequeath to them, the only money I have of my own is my pension.

Do I have any legal standing in stating that I want my 3rd of the property to be divided between my Sons in the event of my death. I still feel it's a little unfair that my Sons would be receiving less than my Husband's children (as in his children would still receive a 3rd each, my Sons would have to share my 3rd).

I'm stressing myself out with all of this, I know I need to speak to my Husband but don't want to come across as money grabbing as I'm really not. I just want to know that my Sons will be provided for financially in the event of my death.

YABU - Your Sons should not be entitled to anything from the house

YANBU - You work just as hard as your Husband and are now paying an equal amount into the home therefore your Sons definitely are entitled to a percentage of the house.

But more than YA/YANBU opinions, please can anyone advise as to what I should do/say in this situation?

Thank you. I always thought that as we are married his children wouldn't be able to evict me from the house?

I will look into the life insurance idea. Thank you for the advice.

I would be more concerned that you end up paying the mortgage for 25 years, then if he dies before you you could get kicked out of the house.

It seems to me like the assets have been "ringfenced" for his kids before they are even "owned" assets (at the moment the bank largely owns the house), and it is both your contributions that will turn them into actual assets.

I’m going to assume that contesting a will would cost a lot of money, so best to get it organised beforehand.

I knew I'd be attacked to a degree on this post. But why should I work hard/long hours and pay money into a property for the next god knows how many years if my children aren't going to gain anything at the end of it?
But you were renting before?

You are in your 50’s, did you not worry about your sons before you married? If so, why did you not buy a house?
If you didn’t have the means, then I think you are incredibly unreasonable to think your sons deserve an equal amount as your step children. I would wonder how much you have actually put in. Bonkers.

If you are worried about their inheritance, why not put cash or another investment aside?

Thank you, very good advice. I will definitely be seeking legal advice.

Am I wrong to expect that after that time and work and money I shouldn't expect anything to be left to my children in the event of my death?

You wouldn’t be able to leave it to them if it was rent, like you have done previously. That’s ‘time and work and money’ that people will never see again.

How much more/less are you paying now than when you were renting?

My Husband has said that my name is now on the mortgage, I haven't seen it with my own eyes but I do trust him

Unless you have signed a mortgage application, had credit checks etc you are NOT on the mortgage or the deeds. Your dh is lying to you. Do a quick free experian check and it will come up as a debt if there is a mortgage, search the land registry to see if you are on the deeds.

As far as 'marital asset' goes, this is usually a term only used in divorce - your marriage is short (so far) and your contribution minimal, and if you were to divorce then you would likely receive nothing from the house.

Death and inheritance works differently - the house being in his name only means that you are at the mercy of his will as to if you inherit any share, and even if so, if you are allowed to continue living in the house.

As it stands, if you die your husband gets your pension and your dc get nothing. If he dies first, you get a share according to his will (have you seen this, it can be re-written at any time without consulting beneficiaries).

Currently your only asset is your pension. If you want your dc to benefit you should make arrangements for it to be paid to them rather than your dh.

Yes I had read the thread but, on a second go through the OP's posts, I found the update you refer to about the boys father. I had missed that.

However, I think my point about the adult DSs not necessarily needing this money is still valid if they are now independent adults.

But if the OP wants to leave them something she should be able to nominate them as joint beneficiaries on her pension.

So much terrible advice on this thread. I can’t believe people are telling you you / your sons aren’t entitled to anything.

Definitely see a solicitor, OP.

I would be cross if I was the DH’s children of his new wife-who came to the marriage with nothing-was trying to divvy up the inheritance to her own kids who would have got no inheritance had their mum not married my dad!

This

I sense a real reluctance on your part to discuss this with your husband, just wondering why?

I agree with you btw, roll on 20 years of paying in to the house each month there should be some kind of inheritance for your sons.

@JaffaCake70 We did re-mortgage the amount of £10,000 though, so wouldn't that kind of lessen the deposit amount by £10,000? you enjoyed that equally so the amount you have to leave should be reduced by £5,000 and the amount he has by £5,000 (plus however much interest gets added before that £10,000 is paid off)

Same goes for any other financial decisions that impact your estates eg if either of you retire early, reduce your working hours or take more lavish holidays using credit rather than savings then if you benefit equally yoi should share the burden equally with knock-on effects for what you can leave for your children.

It's reasonable for you to want to leave something for your children but this can only be from savings that you build up yourself after having paid for your reasonable living expenses. Not assets earned by another family which are the rightful inheritance of the children of your husband's first marriage.

The savings you build up can be considerable given how much cheaper it is for you to be living in your DHs home compared to renting a separate place.

Don't feel bad that you haven't sorted this already, it's not the most romantic subject. But do get legal advice and both get wills written ASAP. They can always be updated over time (you won't know if he changes his will so make what provision you can for yourself)

You can most certainly be evicted by his dc if there is nothing formalising it in his will. Equal shares means just that - they can force a sale through court if required.

That’s the scenario if OP died tomorrow but not same scenario in, say, 20 years time.

Legal advice definitely needed.

How can you be party to mortgages and loans secured on mortgages if you never signed anything? Your husband cannot out you on a mortgage without you knowing and signing documents that set out your position.

You both need to estate plan properly and jointly because you are married and ownership of assets is more complex than either of you think.

My Husband has said that my name is now on the mortgage, I haven't seen it with my own eyes but I do trust him

This is the most concerning part of the thread. Your husband is a liar, it seems.

I think you need to get a grip on your now finances more generally.

Did you sign anything for the mortgage? You should have had to if you were added. Our bank sends individual letters to each person on the mortgage too.

Are you on the deeds? If so, as tenants in common or joint? If not, push to be TIC, which proportions the ownership of the house up into defined amounts, eg him 80% you 20% (or as appropriate). My bank wouldn't let my partner be on the mortgage without being on the deeds. Again you would have needed to sign some paperwork.

For how much and how long is the remaining mortgage? How much are you paying of that amount?

You need these to work out the ownership amount you should push for on the deeds (as a minimum to get back from your investment, your dh may wish to be more generous). For example, if there is a mortgage for 20% of the house value left and you pay half the mortgage, when the mortgage is paid up you will have paid 10% of the house. So the deeds should reflect at least a 90:10 split, in my opinion. As a couple you can set it how you like.

There will be a way to sort this out fairly, but you need a solicitor, not mumsnet!

Giving your money to a life insurance company instead of investing it for your children seems like a waste to me, but that’s just my opinion (and I think insurance generally is a racket).

What sort of pension do you have, op?

My advice is to say to your DH that now you’re married, it’s a good idea for both of you to review your financial and legal positions, to ensure that all the paperwork is up-to-date.

Br transparent with him and explain that you’re considering taking out a life insurance policy to benefit your children, reviewing your Will, etc. and ask to see his mortgage and house deeds so that you fully understand your position.

I suspect that he hasn’t updated everything correctly (yet) if you haven’t signed any mortgage paperwork and he needs to realize this. Otherwise you’ll be in a very vulnerable position and it’s not a good idea for you to be contributing a substantial amount to a house that you could be turned out of!

I'm not suggesting it’s deliberate, many people overlook legal necessities and it can result in a horrible mess. One of my friends is currently dealing with her Dad’s poorly-written Will that’s put her Mum (who has dementia) in a difficult position.

Your advice makes the most sense to me. As you have said, why should I contribute to a mortgage that my children won't benefit from in the event of my death? I might aswell still be renting as it would just be dead money to me.

I understand a lot of people are annoyed and think that I'm expecting a lot but I'm really not. I just want to know that if I contribute to this mortgage for the next 10 or 20 years (not sure how many years are left) my children will benefit in some small way from the money that I have put in.

You keep asking this OP but no. As you’ve made contributions if you divorced you may be entitled to some of the proceeds of sale, but as you are not on the deeds this won’t apply to your benefactors in event of your death.

PP was right he can’t ‘put you on the mortgage’ you would have to do this yourself. He’s lied to you and is taking your money. I would divorce him

Unfortunately much of the advice is loosely true, but agree that op needs legal advice.