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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Downstairs neighbour works nights, AIBU?

241 replies

WFHWithNightsNeighbour · 13/08/2023 23:38

It’s just me and a DC aged 9 at home.

Downstairs neighbour works 4 nights a week then has his own DC every Saturday to Monday.

We be as considerate as we can but I wfh 3 days a week, I have already upped my office days by 1 per week to accommodate downstairs. I cannot go in anymore days as we no longer have our own desks and there’s more staff than desks, we have to book and we’re only guaranteed 1 day per week in the office, I had to argue for 2 days.

Which means at least 3 days per week I am wfh. Sadly my office days are Monday (when he’s off) and Thursday. I have no control over my days, I can’t swap them unless I have a face to face meeting on another day which doesn’t tend to happen.

I don’t run my washing machine in the day, I don’t use my hoover in the week at all, I don’t play music while I’m working.

But I do have to take virtual meetings, sometimes with clients. These are usually 2-3 times a day for 30-60minutes at a time.

I do these at the kitchen table which is the furthest room from downstairs bedroom. I use noise cancelling headphones and talk as quietly as possible. I get that it’s noisy but I have to work, if I don’t work then my own mental health suffers. I love my job.

I don't let DC run around inside with shoes on, and they're at school in term time or holiday club in holidays unless I'm on Annual Leave (I don't WFH with my DC at home).

Apparently, I’m constantly disturbing him, he can hear me typing reports and taking calls. He's been woken up several times over the last week by me working and he's knocked on my door each time. He’s also complained to our housing association previously who sympathised but basically told him it was normal household noise. I know because I've had a letter which had the title "Noise Complaint" but said "We've visited the complainents property at the times of day the complaint was made about and decided that this falls into the category of everyday household noise and therefore no action will be taken. No further complaints on this matter will be considered"

He then accused me of running a business from my flat (which is against tenancy) but they came and saw it was just a wfh job and said it was fine.They did ask me if I could go into the office more but when I showed them the email from my manager saying he had to cap it at 2 days per week and the reasons why they said that he (downstairs) would have to cope.

What else can I do? I don’t want to fall out with him. No chance of being rehoused as there’s a CAO for contact which states I have to live within a certain distance of ExH and we’re already at that boundary, I’ve been offered further away but when I discussed it with ExH he said he’d take me back to court over it which I can’t afford either mentally or monetary – the last case cost me over £15k which I’m still repaying 4 years after it ended.

OP posts:
SusanSHelit · 14/08/2023 20:45

I work nights and your neighbour seriously just needs to suck it up. I don't live in a flat but a terraced new build house with paper thin walls, on an estate full of young families with school aged children. Noise in the day is just something you have to deal with on nights.

An eyemask, a set of earplugs and reasonable expectations go a long way

memoriesofamiga · 14/08/2023 21:06

Absolutely do NOT put your laptop on a towel, that could cause it to overheat and a fire would be a much bigger problem for everyone (the neighbour included).

It's been said many times on the thread but don't change how you live any more for him. Tbh I would be dialling the silence back a little as it is. You need to live.

Unfortunately part of being a single mum is men thinking they can bully you around (I've been there, know it well). In future ignore him if he knocks, he hasn't got a leg to stand on and thinks just by bullying you he can get his own way. I had a neighbour bully and it came to a head when I stood up to him and threatened to report him to the police if he harassed me again. He stopped after that - be prepared that you might have to stand your ground with this neighbour.

Kiera220 · 14/08/2023 21:13

So beause your work is inconvenient to him, he wants you to make changes yet his work is inconvenient to you.
I think you have been far more accommodating that I would have been, Id consider writing to him and outlining as you have here everything you've done, but with a clear line that youve done as much as you will be doing. other than change jobs or move theres nothing else you can do. The same options are available to him, if its that much of a problem for him then its his choice to make. Keep being conisderate but other than that put it out of your mind Xx

shebathequeenof · 14/08/2023 21:17

Why the fuck aren't you running your washing machine in the day?

Aquamarine1029 · 14/08/2023 21:21

shebathequeenof · 14/08/2023 21:17

Why the fuck aren't you running your washing machine in the day?

Exactly! The lengths the op has gone to for this twat are absolutely insane.

Crayfishforyou · 14/08/2023 21:27

Run your washing machine, hoover and refuse to answer the door to him.
It’s not as though you ate clog dancing to techno for four hours a day straight over his bedroom.

It’s his problem, not yours. He can buy ear plugs or change his job.
The more you bend to people like this the more they will take

MistyBean · 14/08/2023 21:39

I agree with the posters saying that you should be using your washing machine etc.. it's the middle of the day in close quarters living, this is 100% his problem and not yours. I'm fact, I'd say he is borderline on harassing you. Your work is no more noisy than simply living (phone calls, typing). Just another man bullying a woman...

YerArseInParsley · 15/08/2023 02:59

WFHWithNightsNeighbour · 13/08/2023 23:38

It’s just me and a DC aged 9 at home.

Downstairs neighbour works 4 nights a week then has his own DC every Saturday to Monday.

We be as considerate as we can but I wfh 3 days a week, I have already upped my office days by 1 per week to accommodate downstairs. I cannot go in anymore days as we no longer have our own desks and there’s more staff than desks, we have to book and we’re only guaranteed 1 day per week in the office, I had to argue for 2 days.

Which means at least 3 days per week I am wfh. Sadly my office days are Monday (when he’s off) and Thursday. I have no control over my days, I can’t swap them unless I have a face to face meeting on another day which doesn’t tend to happen.

I don’t run my washing machine in the day, I don’t use my hoover in the week at all, I don’t play music while I’m working.

But I do have to take virtual meetings, sometimes with clients. These are usually 2-3 times a day for 30-60minutes at a time.

I do these at the kitchen table which is the furthest room from downstairs bedroom. I use noise cancelling headphones and talk as quietly as possible. I get that it’s noisy but I have to work, if I don’t work then my own mental health suffers. I love my job.

I don't let DC run around inside with shoes on, and they're at school in term time or holiday club in holidays unless I'm on Annual Leave (I don't WFH with my DC at home).

Apparently, I’m constantly disturbing him, he can hear me typing reports and taking calls. He's been woken up several times over the last week by me working and he's knocked on my door each time. He’s also complained to our housing association previously who sympathised but basically told him it was normal household noise. I know because I've had a letter which had the title "Noise Complaint" but said "We've visited the complainents property at the times of day the complaint was made about and decided that this falls into the category of everyday household noise and therefore no action will be taken. No further complaints on this matter will be considered"

He then accused me of running a business from my flat (which is against tenancy) but they came and saw it was just a wfh job and said it was fine.They did ask me if I could go into the office more but when I showed them the email from my manager saying he had to cap it at 2 days per week and the reasons why they said that he (downstairs) would have to cope.

What else can I do? I don’t want to fall out with him. No chance of being rehoused as there’s a CAO for contact which states I have to live within a certain distance of ExH and we’re already at that boundary, I’ve been offered further away but when I discussed it with ExH he said he’d take me back to court over it which I can’t afford either mentally or monetary – the last case cost me over £15k which I’m still repaying 4 years after it ended.

Next time tell the silly arse he's lucky you are working at home and not doing the shake and vac dance on all the floors with music on which is still reasonable noise, you are actually sitting at a desk taking calls so I imagine you aren't shouting.

This guy thinks you shouldn't move or speak at all. Next time he comes to the door put a complaint in about HIM.

Hankunamatata · 15/08/2023 03:12

Some people won't take steps to help themselves. I wear earplugs and sleep phones over the top woth white noise plus white noise machine in the bedroom. Dh doesn't do any of it as he would rather just keep moaning

ASimpleLampoon · 15/08/2023 06:33

Report him to HA for harassing you. Stop walking on eggshells and go about your life. He's A bully

Dutch1e · 15/08/2023 07:11

Crayfishforyou · 14/08/2023 21:27

Run your washing machine, hoover and refuse to answer the door to him.
It’s not as though you ate clog dancing to techno for four hours a day straight over his bedroom.

It’s his problem, not yours. He can buy ear plugs or change his job.
The more you bend to people like this the more they will take

clog dancing to techno for four hours a day

🤣🤣🤣🤣

MagentaRocks · 15/08/2023 07:17

As a shift worker who works night YANBU. He cannot expect the rest of the world to be quiet to accommodate him.

NancyJoan · 15/08/2023 09:08

This sounds horribly stressful for you. You absolutely shouldn't have to, but could you explain the situation to your employer and see if you could be allowed to go in every day, as it's causing problems with your neighbour?

sarah419 · 15/08/2023 12:50

i used to do night shifts and struggled to sleep during the day - so i can imagine his frustration but the question is what is he doing to help himself? white noise machine might help! perhaps gift him one although it’s not your job to do so and it’s unreasonable to change ur own lift around to suit him. he should then move to a house that has no upstairs neighbours or one with better sound insulation

Lovewinemorethanhusband · 15/08/2023 18:27

It's not your problem to be honest , he works nights and if he doesn't want to be disturbed he needs to either moved to a detached house or wear decent ear plugs !

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 15/08/2023 18:31

I worked nights while I still lived at home in a very noisy household. A pair of ear plugs work wonders and that is very much his responsibility to sort.

ImtheFlag · 15/08/2023 18:36

You could stop doing all of the stuff that you have been, which completely is above and beyond reasonable expectations.

Start working from wherever suits you, in your own home. And if he complains, suggest earplugs and that if he continues to knock every time that you may raise your own complaint for harassment

Sunflowerinthewind · 15/08/2023 18:36

He sounds like a bully. He should get a white noise machine and take some melatonin. And if that doesn’t work then he needs to find a day job or move. You’re already doing everything you can!

jobie70 · 15/08/2023 18:42

I have one question.. do you have laminate flooring? Our neighbours do and it just makes the noise bounce of the walls.. along with their minimalistic furniture thing.. I think they like living in a cave like personally😂just normal talking can be heard and if gets excited and raises his voice we can hear him word for word..

Atethehalloweenchocs · 15/08/2023 18:47

Night shifts suck. But that is his problem to sort.

NixieDust · 15/08/2023 19:12

He works nights, that is not your fault! He should expect there to be noise during the day, no matter where you live daytime noise happens! You need to do absolutely nothing but carry on as you are (run the washing machine in the day! That’s a normal day to day thing to do!) he needs to take more steps for himself like ear plugs or a white noise machine

Sennelier1 · 15/08/2023 19:14

Your downstairs neighbour is way out of line. He probably has other problems and/or simply a bad character - and he's working it of on you. I suppose he can hear you turning the pages of your newspaper too? Tell him to buy earplugs. You could eventually file a complaint against him for harassment, since you have the confirmation of the housing association you do nothing wrong.

JenniferBooth · 15/08/2023 19:14

I sympathize OP Ive been living in my sauna flat since 1994 I worked nights from 2001 to 2003 and slept fine even through a police seige

From 1994 to 1998 old lady living underneath us. No complaints Even exchanged Christmas cards
1998 to 2017 single man living underneath us. Lovely bloke Sadly died at Easter 2017
2018 to 2019 Druggie who used to row with his girlfriend

And Feb 2022 to present day raging alcoholic who bangs on the ceiling when i walk around the flat. I dont have washing machine on till 3pm. He bangs He doesnt work. He bangs when i go to the loo. Floors are carpeted WITH rugs on top. Im on the top floor so this makes it even hotter in here. His mum brings him money and food I guess the latter is because it would just get spent on booze. I know this because i was told this by another tenant he tried to befriend because he mistakenly thought he was a fellow drinker.

JenniferBooth · 15/08/2023 19:14

Im also in a housing association property

CoffeeMama1 · 15/08/2023 19:17

This is not a you problem and if he carries on telling you you're being too loud I'd report him for harrasment. He works nights and decided to live in an apartment, that's entirely on him and others can't change their lives for him. If it's that big a deal he needs to find a more suitable living arrangement.

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