Downstairs neighbour works nights, AIBU?

[WFHWithNightsNeighbour]

It’s just me and a DC aged 9 at home.

Downstairs neighbour works 4 nights a week then has his own DC every Saturday to Monday.

We be as considerate as we can but I wfh 3 days a week, I have already upped my office days by 1 per week to accommodate downstairs. I cannot go in anymore days as we no longer have our own desks and there’s more staff than desks, we have to book and we’re only guaranteed 1 day per week in the office, I had to argue for 2 days.

Which means at least 3 days per week I am wfh. Sadly my office days are Monday (when he’s off) and Thursday. I have no control over my days, I can’t swap them unless I have a face to face meeting on another day which doesn’t tend to happen.

I don’t run my washing machine in the day, I don’t use my hoover in the week at all, I don’t play music while I’m working.

But I do have to take virtual meetings, sometimes with clients. These are usually 2-3 times a day for 30-60minutes at a time.

I do these at the kitchen table which is the furthest room from downstairs bedroom. I use noise cancelling headphones and talk as quietly as possible. I get that it’s noisy but I have to work, if I don’t work then my own mental health suffers. I love my job.

I don't let DC run around inside with shoes on, and they're at school in term time or holiday club in holidays unless I'm on Annual Leave (I don't WFH with my DC at home).

Apparently, I’m constantly disturbing him, he can hear me typing reports and taking calls. He's been woken up several times over the last week by me working and he's knocked on my door each time. He’s also complained to our housing association previously who sympathised but basically told him it was normal household noise. I know because I've had a letter which had the title "Noise Complaint" but said "We've visited the complainents property at the times of day the complaint was made about and decided that this falls into the category of everyday household noise and therefore no action will be taken. No further complaints on this matter will be considered"

He then accused me of running a business from my flat (which is against tenancy) but they came and saw it was just a wfh job and said it was fine.They did ask me if I could go into the office more but when I showed them the email from my manager saying he had to cap it at 2 days per week and the reasons why they said that he (downstairs) would have to cope.

What else can I do? I don’t want to fall out with him. No chance of being rehoused as there’s a CAO for contact which states I have to live within a certain distance of ExH and we’re already at that boundary, I’ve been offered further away but when I discussed it with ExH he said he’d take me back to court over it which I can’t afford either mentally or monetary – the last case cost me over £15k which I’m still repaying 4 years after it ended.

YANBU. You are in fact being extremely considerate and accommodating. A lot of people would’ve laughed in his face. Why shouldn’t you run the washing machine and play music during the day. It’s your home.
You are already being as quiet as you possibly can, and have taken an extra day in the office. At this point there is nothing further you can do. Its unreasonable to not expect you to talk all day! It’s up to him now. He needs to buy some earplugs for a start - no one can expect absolute silence during the day to sleep. He can also try a white noise machine or similar. Or sound proofing his flat. Or changing his working hours. It’s not on you to sort this out. If he comes round again say you are really sorry but you’ve done everything possible to accommodate being quiet for him and can’t do anything further.

Tell him tough shit, you are allowed to make reasonable household noises and to buy noise cancelling headphones or fuck off elsewhere or get another job. Not you problem. And I'd take up fucking tap dancing with a drum kit if he carried on complaining, the entitled little fuckwit.

Hes being unreasonable and needs to invest in a really decent set of earplugs. I say this as someone who works a lot of nights and has to sleep through neighbour's building work and my own kids etc. Managing day time noise is part of working nights.

Op this sounds utterly miserable and makes me feel anxious reading it. We had neighbours like this and you’ll never win. You can’t live like this; it’s his problem!

He’s also complained to our housing association previously who sympathised but basically told him it was normal household noise. I know because I've had a letter which had the title "Noise Complaint" but said "We've visited the complainents property at the times of day the complaint was made about and decided that this falls into the category of everyday household noise and therefore no action will be taken. No further complaints on this matter will be considered

Then you can ignore him.

This is absolutely not your problem. As your housing association correctly said, this is normal household noise during normal day time hours. The fact that he works nights is neither here nor there - just because he sleeps during the day, that doesn't mean you also have to become nocturnal. You're already making more effort to keep down the noise than most people would, by not running your washing machine etc. He can't expect everyone to remain silent during the day just because he happens to work nights.

Even if you could go into the office more, you wouldn't have to. He could easily live under someone who didn't work at all and spent the whole day doing housework with the radio on and a child running about, so he's actually pretty lucky that he lives below someone who is sitting quietly doing an office job all day.

He's a dick and if he continues to complain, it's him the HA should be trying to move, not you.

I certainly wouldn't be as accommodating as you have been. No hoovering/washing during the week? Completely unreasonable. Your jumping through his hoops and putting yourself out, but he's still complaining! Give it up and live your life.

Exactly that!

Sorry deleted the last sentence.
As pp have said, you are doing all you can, it is on him to find solutions to cope, and failing that to figure out moving somewhere to move to that will suit his needs.

Enough OP, you've gone above and beyond and if he's disturbed then he needs to move.

DH worked nights (milkman) for 12 years. There is a child's park right in front of our house and he preferred to sleep in the front bedroom. DH would never complain about daytime noises because they are NORMAL and no-one owed DH silence because he chose to work nights!

If he complains again tell him the above. His problem, he should move. If he gets nasty (threats) call the Police and complain to the HA.

In my opinion you’re being much more than fair. There doesn’t seem a lot more you can do for your neighbour. We had a terrible noise problem in our last apartment which was a large converted building. We lived middle floor which was below a very thin loft floor. Residents above us had dogs running around (dogs were not permitted),
the lady was naturally heavy footed anyway and wore shoes indoors. They installed cheap linoleum right through as the dogs were toileting on the floor when they were not being taken out. This was after after them agreeing to lay carpet with a thick noise-cancelling underlay. The residents in the other apartment above whose bathroom was above our bedroom used to use their jacuzzi bath at 2am (he was a semi pro ball player who had a lot of time off). We had another adjacent tosser who used to use washing machine late at night and answered in his pants when I knocked. It was a beautiful building set upon stunning grounds but inside was an unfortunate hive of bad feeling. We were at our wits end and were lucky enough to be able to sell (to tenants in same building who wanted to buy) after a long time trying which was even more of a blessing as I was expecting my son. I shudder at the memories.

Those suggesting you hoover and use your washing machine are dicks, dont be those people.

I disagree. Doing your washing and hoovering isn't being a dick, it's just normal life. This man has already made spurious complaints about OP to the HA. By tip toeing around in her own home, not doing perfectly normal things like hoovering and washing to avoid disturbing him, OP is validating his (frankly, batshit) belief that his neighbours lives should revolve around his sleeping patterns. When I worked nights I was frequently disturbed by all sorts of noise from neighbours.. people mowing their lawns, doing DIY, deliveries, kids playing out...it would never have occurred to me to complain because these things are all part of normal, everyday life. If OP was blasting out loud music, playing the drums or having a party when she knew he was trying to sleep then that would be a dick move. But putting a load of washing on is not excessive by any reasonable persons standards.

It would keep me awake too but that would be my problem not yours. I am such a light sleeper that I can’t really share a bedroom with OH or kids anymore. I use brilliant silicon moldable ear plugs and see no reason why your neighbour couldn’t do the same.

My husband occasionally does night shifts;he use to do them on a 4 on 4 off shift pattern;he'd sleep during the day with 4 noisy kids and 3 noisy dogs in the house;I didn't stop doing my laundry/hoovering etc

Your neighbour is an arsehole;the fact the very lightest of noises wakes him eg keyboard typing means he's probably has issues sleeping and isn't falling asleep easily or isn't successfully achieving REM sleep;he needs to address this.

I can't believe your housing association suggested you go into the office more because he can hear you talking in your own bloody home.

It sounds as though the flats have been build with no sound proofing.

He's also one of those blokes who obviously expects women to do as they are told.

I've worked nights and if I could've heard a neighbour typing I'd have either been up the HA's bum to get the flats properly sound-proofed, or I'd move.

It would never occur to me to try to stop a person from living a perfectly normal life, he's unhinged.

Typing and speaking are standard things that you can do in your home. He needs to get some earplugs and get over it.
you have the report from the HA, that’s an independent decision in your favour. Carry on as you are and don’t let it back into your head.

You're trying too hard to accommodate.

Give him a link to some ear plugs and send him on his way, don't answer if he knocks again. You are busy working, after all.

He must have exceptional hearing if he can hear you typing on a laptop or PC keyboard.

He needs better earplugs

I think your life would be enhanced greatly by a new hobby @WFHWithNightsNeighbour

perhaps you should take up an instrument? The drums perhaps?

he’s a bully.

If the landlord owns all the flats, maybe he can go inquire about swapping to the other top floor flat. There will be much less noise with no neighbours above him.

Your neighbour needs to get a grip! He’s stopping you and your child living a normal life in your own home!! I suggest the buy some ear plugs & get on with their life - as should you get on with yours!!

Apologises for disappearing, was actually in work today.

I'm on holiday next week so it'll be interesting to see if he keeps up the complaints (and if so what they actually are).

Will also email my housing officer for dealt with the original complaints and see what can be done their end. I just want to be left alone to work.

If you moved he would probably be dealing with a noisier and less reasonable neighbour.

Also I don't like the washing machine on when I'm working, don't know why so I will stick to that. It goes on around 5pm and is usually finished around 7.30pm remembering there's only 2 of us in the flat so it only needs to be on once or twice a week anyway. But being able to hoover on my lunch break would help loads!

You sound like you have been so considerate. You’d be well within your rights to hoover in your own home and you’ve been so kind not to. He needs to invest in some decent ear plugs! It’s his choice that he works nights and he need to realise 95% of people are awake in the day!!

Have you considered that you are typing on a hard surface in a room full of hard surfaces may be causing noise to travel through those surfaces?

I'm sure you aren't being unreasonable. You could try putting your laptop in a yoga mat or towel or something. That may absorb some of the noise.

He is unreasonable, but it's worth a try for neighbourly relations!